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Original poster

Paying for another child's place on a school trip

28 replies

Foxesandsquirrels · 09/06/2023 20:26

My DD has just received a letter for an end of year trip. To not be too outing let's say it's to a trampoline park and costs £60. Her best friend will 100% not be allowed to go as it's too expensive and will need to choose the cheaper option, of which there are a couple. The girls really, really want to go to this trampoline park and I was going to take them in the summer holidays, but being able to go with their year will be far more fun.
I am happy to pay for DDs friends space, but I have no idea how I'd go about that. I feel like I'd put her in a really awkward position, and if I contact the school they'll probably feel like they need to subsidize her space. It's all around a bit awk. Do I just leave it, get DD to go to one of the cheaper options and take them in the summer holidays? It would be a really big burden off me if I didn't have to take them. This 'trampoline park' is far and a really big day out.
She's over at ours quite a lot so I can easily broach the subject with her, but again, I'm so conflicted. Do I just leave it?

OP posts:
RequiresUpdating · 09/06/2023 20:34

How old is DD? Do the parents know you were planning to take them in the holidays?

Original poster
Foxesandsquirrels · 09/06/2023 20:37

RequiresUpdating · 09/06/2023 20:34

How old is DD? Do the parents know you were planning to take them in the holidays?

15, Y10. Not yet, no. I hadn't told the girls yet as I was hoping it would be run by the school as it normally is. This year the cost is a lot more due to I imagine the coaches.

OP posts:
Whenwillitallmakesense · 09/06/2023 20:37

Its very late notice for such an expensive trip, isnt it? School should give parents a lot more adcance notice. However, i'm not sure you mentioning it to the school would make them feel obliged to subsidize her space alone and not other pupils who are having to take choice B.
Why have you not once mentioned in your post about talking to her parents and offering to pay? Be diplomatic and tell them (truthfully) that you were planning on taking them in summer anyway but you think it would be more fun for them to go with the class.

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ButterCrackers · 09/06/2023 20:38

I might not be following what you’re written …Why are there differently priced options? It sounds unfair on the kids whose families can’t afford the expensive day out. Surely there should be one trip and it should be low cost.

SeeingSpots · 09/06/2023 20:38

I would get DD to choose another option and take both in the summer if that was your initial plan. I'm assuming the place isn't too far away if chosen as a school trip and whilst annoying to do as a whole day trip it would be cheaper then £120 if you took them yourself in the holidays.

Frenchpastryqueue · 09/06/2023 20:42

I would approach the parents and say that you were planning to treat the girls to a day at the trampoline park in summer but seeing as it’s now an option as a school trip, would they mind if you got it for them now rather than in a few weeks. That way it sounds like it’s something that was going to be paid for by you anyway and they would be doing you a favour by allowing you to take the girls now rather than later.

continentallentil · 09/06/2023 20:54

Give it to her as a late / early birthday or GCSE present. It’s fine.

bumbledeedum · 09/06/2023 20:57

Frenchpastryqueue · 09/06/2023 20:42

I would approach the parents and say that you were planning to treat the girls to a day at the trampoline park in summer but seeing as it’s now an option as a school trip, would they mind if you got it for them now rather than in a few weeks. That way it sounds like it’s something that was going to be paid for by you anyway and they would be doing you a favour by allowing you to take the girls now rather than later.

This. Good way to put it to the parents that they would (genuinely) be helping you out with something you'd planned to do anyway

snazzlealpaca · 09/06/2023 20:58

I bought DS and his friend tickets for a concert as a GCSE present. His friend wanted to go and had offered to pay in instalments but I said that it was a gift. I don't think the parents minded - I wouldn't in similar situation, it's nice when your children have friends they want to do things with. I get that for a school trip it is more awkward, but still think it would be ok to offer to pay as a treat.

Choice4567 · 09/06/2023 20:59

Frenchpastryqueue · 09/06/2023 20:42

I would approach the parents and say that you were planning to treat the girls to a day at the trampoline park in summer but seeing as it’s now an option as a school trip, would they mind if you got it for them now rather than in a few weeks. That way it sounds like it’s something that was going to be paid for by you anyway and they would be doing you a favour by allowing you to take the girls now rather than later.

Very good reply, I’d go with this OP

Hellocatshome · 09/06/2023 21:00

ButterCrackers · 09/06/2023 20:38

I might not be following what you’re written …Why are there differently priced options? It sounds unfair on the kids whose families can’t afford the expensive day out. Surely there should be one trip and it should be low cost.

Our school always used to do this "activities day" had activities ranging from nearly £100 to staying in school and painting a picture which was free. After spending all year not doing non uniform days so no one felt left out if they couldn't afford designer brands they then seemed to not give a shit about that come activities day.

OP I would tell ask DD if she would prefer you to take them in the holidays and do the cheaper school activity or if she would rather do the trampoline park with school and you pay for friend. If she chooses the trampoline park with school tell her friend that you were going to treat them both in the summer so will pay for the trampline park trip instead. At 15 the girl can sort this with her parents.

Shhhquirrel · 09/06/2023 21:01

Frenchpastryqueue · 09/06/2023 20:42

I would approach the parents and say that you were planning to treat the girls to a day at the trampoline park in summer but seeing as it’s now an option as a school trip, would they mind if you got it for them now rather than in a few weeks. That way it sounds like it’s something that was going to be paid for by you anyway and they would be doing you a favour by allowing you to take the girls now rather than later.

Brilliant advice

Whataretheodds · 09/06/2023 21:03

Frenchpastryqueue · 09/06/2023 20:42

I would approach the parents and say that you were planning to treat the girls to a day at the trampoline park in summer but seeing as it’s now an option as a school trip, would they mind if you got it for them now rather than in a few weeks. That way it sounds like it’s something that was going to be paid for by you anyway and they would be doing you a favour by allowing you to take the girls now rather than later.

This is a good idea. You were going to treat then in the holidays but could you treat them now instead.

ButterCrackers · 09/06/2023 21:08

Hellocatshome · 09/06/2023 21:00

Our school always used to do this "activities day" had activities ranging from nearly £100 to staying in school and painting a picture which was free. After spending all year not doing non uniform days so no one felt left out if they couldn't afford designer brands they then seemed to not give a shit about that come activities day.

OP I would tell ask DD if she would prefer you to take them in the holidays and do the cheaper school activity or if she would rather do the trampoline park with school and you pay for friend. If she chooses the trampoline park with school tell her friend that you were going to treat them both in the summer so will pay for the trampline park trip instead. At 15 the girl can sort this with her parents.

Show quote history

My goodness what a non inclusive system for activities. I wouldn’t have my kids participating in something that doesn’t include everyone. Talk about creating social divisons in classes.

ButterCrackers · 09/06/2023 21:11

For this situation I’d ask your daughter to ask her friend which activity she’ll be doing so that your dd can do the same activity. Take the kids to the trampoline park in the holidays.

Original poster
Foxesandsquirrels · 09/06/2023 21:20

Hellocatshome · 09/06/2023 21:00

Our school always used to do this "activities day" had activities ranging from nearly £100 to staying in school and painting a picture which was free. After spending all year not doing non uniform days so no one felt left out if they couldn't afford designer brands they then seemed to not give a shit about that come activities day.

OP I would tell ask DD if she would prefer you to take them in the holidays and do the cheaper school activity or if she would rather do the trampoline park with school and you pay for friend. If she chooses the trampoline park with school tell her friend that you were going to treat them both in the summer so will pay for the trampline park trip instead. At 15 the girl can sort this with her parents.

Show quote history

This is basically what the situation is. There's options ranging from staying in school and playing basketball in your uniform, all the way up to this trip. A couple of other options like bowling or cinema in between. This is the most expensive option. DDs school also don't do non uniform day to be inclusive. Tbh you can't please everyone and there are quite fun sounding options at much lower price points. One of which is genuinely a trampoline park option which is only £10. I suspect the £60 option is heavily subsidised as they'll be on a coach for 1.5hrs and the entry to this place is £48 in itself, without the coach.

OP posts:
Original poster
Foxesandsquirrels · 09/06/2023 21:21

Frenchpastryqueue · 09/06/2023 20:42

I would approach the parents and say that you were planning to treat the girls to a day at the trampoline park in summer but seeing as it’s now an option as a school trip, would they mind if you got it for them now rather than in a few weeks. That way it sounds like it’s something that was going to be paid for by you anyway and they would be doing you a favour by allowing you to take the girls now rather than later.

I've never met the parents past dropping DDs friend home and seeing her walk into her house. She doesn't have an ideal home life. I don't think her parents would care tbh, it's her I don't want to feel awkward.

OP posts:
Original poster
Foxesandsquirrels · 09/06/2023 21:25

Frenchpastryqueue · 09/06/2023 20:42

I would approach the parents and say that you were planning to treat the girls to a day at the trampoline park in summer but seeing as it’s now an option as a school trip, would they mind if you got it for them now rather than in a few weeks. That way it sounds like it’s something that was going to be paid for by you anyway and they would be doing you a favour by allowing you to take the girls now rather than later.

I really like this option and I think ill use it but with a slight difference. I'll speak to DDs friend tomorrow and explain that I was going to take them, but if would be easier for me if they just went with school. Could she chat to her parents and explain that I'm happy to pay. They're welcome to call me. They have my number as DDs friend is over a lot, but they've never picked up. Even when I've dropped her home at nearly midnight and no one was home. We've been trying to get her keys sorted for ages. It's a whole situation for her and she's become a bit like an adopted daughter.

OP posts:
Original poster
Foxesandsquirrels · 09/06/2023 21:31

ButterCrackers · 09/06/2023 21:11

For this situation I’d ask your daughter to ask her friend which activity she’ll be doing so that your dd can do the same activity. Take the kids to the trampoline park in the holidays.

Well that'll be whatever is free, so staying at school in uniform and probably playing basketball or on the trampolines. My other idea was to tell DD she's going to the trampoline park, the genuine trampoline park option that's £10. When DDs friend knocks for her Monday morning I was thinking of giving both of the girls £10 and saying something like get yourself on the trampoline trip girls. She can get the permission slip sorted after she pays.

OP posts:
Original poster
Foxesandsquirrels · 09/06/2023 21:35

ButterCrackers · 09/06/2023 21:08

My goodness what a non inclusive system for activities. I wouldn’t have my kids participating in something that doesn’t include everyone. Talk about creating social divisons in classes.

Show quote history

Not sure it's possible to be completely inclusive to be honest. This school is very diverse. DDs friends range from a girl that goes to the Hamptons and Maldives in the holidays, to DDs best friend who I give new uniform shirts and pretend they didn't fit DD. They have many options in the middle and do try their best.

OP posts:
IsThePopeCatholic · 09/06/2023 21:37

You sound lovely, op. Well done! I Hope you manage to find a solution.

VDisappointing · 09/06/2023 21:44

If your daughters friend’s birthday is soon I would offer to pay as her present

Original poster
Foxesandsquirrels · 09/06/2023 21:46

VDisappointing · 09/06/2023 21:44

If your daughters friend’s birthday is soon I would offer to pay as her present

We don't celebrate birthdays and she knows this so this isn't an option. They have Y10 mocks so I was planning on saying it's a well done for that but this isn't happening until the Y11s finish their exams. I think I'll just do the Monday morning option.

OP posts:
Cornflakecrack · 09/06/2023 21:48

Frenchpastryqueue · 09/06/2023 20:42

I would approach the parents and say that you were planning to treat the girls to a day at the trampoline park in summer but seeing as it’s now an option as a school trip, would they mind if you got it for them now rather than in a few weeks. That way it sounds like it’s something that was going to be paid for by you anyway and they would be doing you a favour by allowing you to take the girls now rather than later.

This sounds good

SparklyJumpsuit · 09/06/2023 21:48

In our school you would have to give the money to the girl or her parents direct. You would not be able to pay for the girl's place. And the girl would still need express parental consent to attend.

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