Is Mumsnet racist, sexist, ableist, homophones, islamophobic, transphobic, misogynist, anti-semitic, ageist, childish?

[ShowerMusings]

I see people constantly complaining on different corners of mn how terrible it is and I can't figure out why they can't make threads upon threads making their cases known. I also wonder why people stay where they hate. Makes me wonder if complaining just feels good?

I know I've left mumsnet many times once I couldn't handle it and after a few months or years, I've come back with fresh eyes and peace of mind till the next time it gets too much again.

So my questions are:
● If you're having an awful time on mumsnet, what's stopping you from taking a break?

● Is mumsnet really that bad? Is it really more racist, sexist, anti-semitic, ableist, ageist, childist, misogynist, homophobic, islamophobic, transphobic, etc than it was a year or more ago or have they improved?

● Are mumsnet moderators really not trying? If not, what more can they do to improve?

These are genuine questions and I'd like to know the problems and solutions from anyone who wishes to contribute. We all could benefit from it.
Thanks.

(And no, I'm not permanently on anyone's side. I simply say what I see).

On reflection I do find it can be quite sexist. There is always the presumption that the man is not only wrong but possibly abusive / coercive / lazy / demanding etc. And for some posters the solution to all problems is leave him, without a balanced discussion about the real issue the OP has put forward.

The childfree board is great: you don't have to be childfree to post there, just respect the spirit of the board.

Thank you. I am an incredibly lucky girl. 💓

Thank you. 💓 I am so thankful for him.

Genuine question...

How do you and your partner feel about the large group of activists that would attack you as a "transphobe" for saying your transgender partner isn't a man?

There’s certainly some pretty racist stuff from time to time.

If you haven’t noticed, it’s unlikely you’ll ever see it tbh.

I suppose the question really is - if mumsnet is so full of people looking to take offence from
stuff that right-thinking people like yourself can clearly see definitely isn’t a problem, why are you wasting your time here?

I recently returned after a 3 year break and was surprised to see that there is even more handmaidery and casual ageism than there was when I left.

I feel like they are being ridiculous. Obviously we find it funny that we would be seen as transphobes.

I think a lot of transpeople find it funny.

I've hidden the board that I found the most transphobic and there's usually buzzwords in the thread titles that mean it can be avoided, but it does seem to crop up in more places that I expect.

I've found it homophobic in that any suggestion of using donor sperm is pretty much seen as the worst possible thing you can do for the potential child. But, like people say, you notice more what effects you and I have two children with my female partner thanks to donor sperm. And I've name changed for this post!

Is mumsnet really : racist, sexist, anti-semitic, ableist, ageist, childist, misogynist, homophobic, islamophobic, transphobic?

No.

@NC202 Why do you hide transphobic posts rather than reporting them?

One thing that's not been mentioned is how classist MN is.

The assumption that if you have a working class background, you're not educated and not interested in the arts, or outings to places like museums and country parks etc and how you don't see WC people in such places because if you're WC you stride around in a track suit shouting at your multiple football kit clad DC and you don't see people like that at those places, so everyone there must be MC, being just one of many examples.

Then we have prejudice against regional accents, people who drive vans, assumptions about food, holidays, clothing, all manner of things.

Like a PP said early on in the thread, if you are in a minority group that gets discriminated against you will be more finely tuned to see the 'ist' behaviour.

This did not used to be the case - I remember discussions about Judith Butler and bell hooks. All changed about 5 years ago, and yes that sub site is unusable now, unless you want to join in angry threads about something somebody said on Twitter.

It's basically something to do while the kettle's boiling. I've come and gone for years.

The Hide button makes it tolerable.
The ability of some people to make every single fucking thread about trans people is extraordinary. The transphobia dressed up as feminism is repellent.

There are still some very witty and erudite people on here. Plus a lot of peculiars that I'm very pleased I'll never know in real life.

On reflection I do find it can be quite sexist. There is always the presumption that the man is not only wrong but possibly abusive / coercive / lazy / demanding etc. And for some posters the solution to all problems is leave him, without a balanced discussion about the real issue the OP has put forward
I used to think this and still think some people are quick to post LTB.

But now I think it's refreshing that Mumsnet is a space where a large number of posters are willing to identify male pattern behaviour and empower women to realise they don't need to accept it.

One thing I've observed is the worrying number of threads where it's a pick n mix of these sorts of issues:

• Woman is doing everything at home
• Woman is working out the house and still doing most domestic duties
• Man doesn't see mess
• Woman is frustrated that her partner will only do chores if she explicitly asks him to do things
• Man finds lots of convenient reasons to miss bedtime with DC
• Man suddenly takes up hobbies or increases hobby time once DC arrive to opt out of family life
• Partner is giving the silent treatment when woman disagrees with him or questions his behaviour
• Man makes belittling comments about a woman's insecurities
• Man encourages woman to let him move him and his children in with her
• Woman ends up being assumed to be default carer to her partner's children once he moves in
• Man moves in with woman and becomes cocklodger
• Woman asserts boundaries and/or tries to leave a relationship and is met with gaslighting, threats of harm and suicide
• Man is pushy and entitled to sex, coercive to get what he wants or doesn't seek consent.

(Usual NAMALT disclaimer before someone says 'see Mumsnet hates men')

There's probably a few posters who'd say LTB for opening a back of biscuits the wrong way round or leaving a mug in the washing up bowl, but overall I tend to find a lot of posters are just very good at spotting male pattern behaviour.

There's so much of that, isn't there, @LolaSmiles .
I've noticed a lot of threads along the lines of "why won't he propose", making me concerned about the passive behaviour of some women and the decision about marriage being the privilege of the man. It's very regressive.

If this is aimed at me, what makes you think I'm right-thinking? Because I agree with some things you obviously disagree with? Weird.

I have left for various reasons, as I said in my OP, and come back. I have no problem with different opinions, infact I welcome them and wish a lot of posts and thread wouldn't be deleted. Have you tried taking a break if you don't like it here much?

I have noticed some pretty racist stuff from time to time too, sorry to burst your 'expert' bubble. Does that mean Mumsnet is terrible and largely racist? That's the question.

One thing that's not been mentioned is how classist MN is.

Yes I also forgot to add this huge one to the question. Sorry.

All the -ists and -phobes are included. Feel free to add them.

I did prefer old Mumsnet. A site for British mothers. It's expanded to accommodate many others. I think we're still the dominant group but I do wonder how long until Mumsnet is like any other forum on the web.

well, that was poorly written... time for a cuppa!

Great post @LolaSmiles. Being on MN has certainly made me much more willing to point out this behaviour in real life as well as it's clear how prevalent it is. Where once I may have bitten my tongue, now I'm more likely to say something.

What are you on about?! Mumsnet has never been 'a site for British mothers'. It's always been what it is - an online forum for parents (or non-parents) to discuss stuff related to their lives. People here have always posted from all over the world.

Sounds like you're adding to the racist element on here. Or at the very least, the xenophobes.

dont tell her pike

"British sites for British mothers"

Coming over here-taking our penis beakers.......

There's nothing for you here!