Is therapy worth it?

[bladebladebla1]

I'm struggling at the minute, not depressed but just feeling overwhelmed with a failing business (thanks Covid/Cost of living). Literally working 7 days a week, trying to stay fit and be a mum to two young kids (yes my husband is very involved, more so than me as I'm too busy). By the end of the day I'm always trying to fight back tears as I can't be fucked with another day of it and I know it's going to be like this for years trying to keep the business alive until things calm down.
Anyway, I do talk to husband/friends a little but I've always been the kind of person to hold a bit back, and I don't like to show people I'm struggling. (That's just the way I am and that won't change) So I've wondered about therapy to just get some shit off my chest and maybe I'll feel less heavy. But as I said, the business is doing so badly right now all money being spent needs to be necessary. What are your experiences?

I haven't had therapy myself. However, my DH is a Counsellor and the feedback he gets is lovely. Doesn't hear back from everything obviously, but a lot contact him afterwards to say they're so grateful that he's helped them to see and deal with things differently. If you do decide to seek support, do keep the appointments. There are a few who can't face their appointments and I think it's those who find it harder to have a successful outcome. If funds are limited, it's worth contacting somewhere like Listening Post if you have one locally. If not, do your research and check something like BACP who have accredited Counsellors - you'll be able to find local contacts in your area and see what they specialise in. It's quite normal to chat to one beforehand to make sure they're the right one for you, so do feel you can have an initial chat. Either way, hope you manage to get yourself into a better space soon.

@ifonly4 thank you so much for that

It’s changed my life. But I have complex ptsd. I am a massive advocate for therapy but it has to be something that works in the way you do. I have to talk to figure stuff out in my head so talk therapy works

you sound overwhelmed by life right now, doesn’t make you unwell but a sounding board may help. Most therapists offer concessions to those who can’t afford therapy.

Can you ditch the business and get a paid job? Is this business really worth it, if it isn't covering its costs then it isn't a viable option and might need to be abandoned.

No I can't ditch the business, I'm aware how it works but literally have to keep treading water otherwise the debts go to the family then we're really fucked

I have a phone appointment with Mindsmatter next week after being to see my GP.
Like you I am struggling with day to day life although I'm retired after being made redundant but I think I'm also lonely after having work colleagues to chat to daily although my DH is lovely and supportive. There's a host of other stuff going on in my life too.
I can recommend therapy or counselling or whatever you like to call it as it was offered when I went though treatment for breast cancer. Just the fact that you can talk to someone is a release in itself.
You can self refer to Mindsmatter online and they are quick to respond - so do give it a go and its free.

Op what is it you need? Is it emotional support? Help dealing with a past trauma? Help with your relationship? Advice on reducing housework/ being more organised/ batch cooking/ budgeting?

im sure therapy is helpful in the right situation but I wondered if there’s a way of breaking down your problems to see if we can give you practical help before you go to therapy.

I had some success with counselling and then further down the line had a course of CBT which was life changing in my case and I still use a lot of the techniques now when needed.

everyone is different though so it’s often going to be trial and error what works.

No trauma, I honestly think I just need to talk, and to learn some coping mechanisms as quite often I spend more time procrastinating and panicking about what needs doing and if I could actually cope with the stress better I could work more efficiently. I feel like my brain is a computer with 1000 tabs open all the time

Thank you for this x

And I hope you feel better soon too

Hi OP,

I work as a counsellor. This does sound like something the right therapist will be able to help you with.

A lot of counsellors offer free 15-30 minute initial sessions, in which you can discuss the issues and ask any questions. How will they help address your stress and overwhelm etc?

The most important factor in therapy working isn't counsellor experience or modality, it's the relationship or the "fit" between the two of you. So this is also an opportunity to see if you "click".

You can stop therapy at any time, so there is no pressure to go for x amount of sessions.

If you PM me your email address I can send you over some resources that I find helpful for these sorts of issues.

I don't know what is available in your area, but a lot of places have free or very low cost counselling providers/charities, maybe worth a Google? You could also approach your GP about getting some CBT, but the waiting lists can often be long and often it is time limited to 6 sessions.

Thank you

Thank you

That's good to know about the perfect fit so I'll make sure I chat and feel comfortable rather that look for their qualifications etc (found a website with lots of therapists to choose from). Annoyingly my email address is linked to my business so would prefer not to send but I really appreciate the offer tho. Thanks so much for taking the time to write

I went to therapy between September 2021 to maybe February 2023, though not consistently. More intensely when I needed it.

At the time I'd broken up with my boyfriend and really missed him. I was depressed most of time (bipolar II) and I was in a pretty brutal job with very long hours and high pressure.

After going to therapy, I got back together with the boyfriend and changed to a higher paying job with better conditions. I also bought a house, but that came after I'd stopped going.

I paid £35 a week for a zoom session. It is a lot of money if you go often, but it kept me employed (I don't get sick pay) when my symptoms were really bad.

It did also change my relationships. I was a people pleaser and easy target. I did lose a few friends after going. Back in touch with one and our dynamic is different now.

That's no problem.

You might find this webpage helpful from a psychoeducation point of view.

https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/stress-self-help/

Best wishes and well done for reaching out for help.

I’m struggling with this kind of overwhelm at the moment - though I’ve recently been diagnosed with ADHD which explains a lot about my cycles of procrastination and panic. I’m looking at working with a coach (in my case one who specialises in working with people with ADHD) because I want to have practical coping strategies. I do wonder if I need some kind of therapy counselling as well as I have so much negative thought and guilt around it all, but I’m going to start with coaching.

I'll PM you the platform and therapist I went with.

I did talk therapy (person centred) instead of CBT.

I did five CBT sessions with another therapist mid-way but found it less helpful for me. He did give good feedback though which I considered.

That sounds good. I I'll look into coaching too . Good luck

If you find the right one it's brilliant. I have a bipolar spectrum illness so my need for therapy waxes and wanes through bad and good times. I've been seeing the same therapist for about 5 yrs now, earlier this year I was seeing him every week and at the moment it's every 6 weeks or so to keep it ticking over.

There's something about having a space away from everyone in your real life to talk to.

When you're choosing, be a bit like you're hiring an employee - ask about their experience, qualifications, what approach they like to take, have they got experience with the issues which have led you to seek therapy. For instance, my condition is not widely known by name and I wanted someone I didn't have to explain it to when I met them and was already aware of it.

Work out what you can afford time and money wise and factor that in to the conversation too. If you can't afford to go every week there's no point trying is there, better to say you're looking for twice a month or what whatever up front.

Also think about what you need from them and say so. My therapist can be a bit "we must use x technique to fix things" so I had a conversation with him to say I need firstly just to talk, and secondly for him to tell me if he perceives that my mood is either unusually up or down as I tend become less self awareness at those times, and we go from there.

Thanks for sharing

Yes, I do think it's worth it. I did therapy to deal with family trauma and looking back, I am in such a different place in terms of my coping and mental health years later as a result. It was just one small part of it, but I think it opened the flood gates to allow me to start to address it all, process it, having had my experiences and feelings validated by someone else.

That said, in your case, it sounds like therapy could, potentially, have the effect of adding one more 'thing' to your plate you have to do each week. As someone with a tendency to 'do' too much to the point of running myself into the ground, I'd also challenge you to think about what you can actually do to change your life. Talking about how stressed you are may help you to move forward with positive changes, but it's not going to take away the stress. You need to change something (probably multiple things) about your life: less work, more time for yourself and family, exercise/movement, more/better sleep, etc.

Something I often try to remind myself of is something someone said to me once: the ultimate act of self-care is building a life you don't have to escape from. Easier said than done, but burnout won't get better just by talking about it. You do have to fix things in your life to make it possible to recover and heal and get back to yourself.

It has really helped me in the past and I'm now pondering whether to take the plunge again (when funds allow!) I think it's really important to find a therapist that you genuinely connect with - it might take a bit of time to find the right person, but it's worth it.
Best of luck to you and I hope you find it helpful x

Yes - if you find the right therapist.

Some are mildly helpful.

However some are harmful. I came across a couple who did more harm than good. (They were usually pretty arrogant was the clue).

Here is a very interesting video I think by a guy called Daniel Mackler called “Psychotherapists who are Less Healthy than their Clients”:-

Try and keep your judgment when seeing therapists. It’s for you to choose whether they are a good fit.