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Original poster

4 year old attacked at nursery

37 replies

Whado · 09/06/2023 07:39

My 4 yo DS was attacked at nursery by another child yesterday and possibly the worst thing about it is the nursery staff didn’t tell me. DS told me on the way home but I didn’t see the extent of his injuries until we got home and I moved his hair out of the way. He has two deep scratches on his forehead and a big bruise that looks like a kick/punch on his temple. He said he was having a nap when a boy jumped on him and started hitting and scratching him. I don’t know whether I’m more pissed off that he was attacked or that they didn’t even bother telling me.

It isn’t the first incident either. He has been pushed over by two different boys on more than one occasion and has had grazes on his knee/elbow as a result. Those two boys have SEN so when I’ve approached nursery they have made me feel really awkward about it and told me with a side head tilt that ‘they have special needs so don’t mean it’. I don’t think they can cope with the SEN children personally and those children probably need 1:1 provision if they’re pushing children and hurting them imo. One of them also threw his hat over the fence into the school next door a few weeks ago which really upset DS because he loves his hat. The nursery staff kept fobbing me off when I was asking for his hat back so in the end I called the school next door and they gave it back to me…

They’re seriously disorganised too. They constantly give the wrong items to the wrong children, on the very first day they gave all of DS’s belongings to another child. DS’s stuff is purposely quite unique to avoid mix ups and is labelled too but they just seem to shove the kids out of the door with the first thing they find. They give a newsletter out every term but don’t actually follow the newsletter and act surprised when I send DS in with the things they’ve asked for that week.

It’s driving me nuts in all honesty. They only opened last September so no OFSTED rating as yet, my Mum (who is a teacher) said I should report to OFSTED. The problem is they have been super understanding about me not knowing which days I will need provision for both DS’s this year and then just for younger DS next year. I’m a uni lecturer so we aren’t informed of timetables until the last minute which is a nightmare. All other nurseries/CMs I approached last year insisted on knowing the days which I couldn’t tell them hence why I ended up stuck with this one. I’m on the hunt for a new nursery for younger DS as we speak and I’m going to speak to the manager this morning about yesterday’s incident. Just wondering whether I should report them or what other steps I should be taking?

OP posts:
Beadyeyes91 · 09/06/2023 09:45

I have a SEN child. This is not an excuse for poor management of these children. SEN or not it's not acceptable.

cyncope · 09/06/2023 09:51

You need to remove your child if you are going to report them to Ofsted.
If you want to keep your child there, then you will have to work with them.

The reality is nursery-age children with SEN are very unlikely to get any funding or additional support and the nursery is very unlikely to be able to provide 1:1 even if they want to.

Daisybuttercup12345 · 09/06/2023 09:53

Take your child out immediately and then report to Ofsted.

standardduck · 09/06/2023 10:03

I would be concerned since they are not taking it seriously.

Pull him out before it gets worse. Report them.

I would not risk leaving my child there. They sound incredibly irresponsible and disorganized.

WhatIsntInAName · 09/06/2023 11:10

Uni lecturer here - I assume if you only need childcare certain days you don't work full time. Before each timetable gets set we are asked if there are any commitments they need to be aware of to build into timetable. E.g. I don't work Wednesdays, or when research and teaching staff have a conference etc. There's no reason you shouldn't know your days.

Pull your kids out, complain to ofsted and get them in a better setting.

Original poster
Whado · 09/06/2023 11:30

Yes I work PT so not in a position to demand not working certain days. I only know I’ll be in three days a week, I don’t know which days until they fix students timetables which last year wasn’t until September! I’m also a new lecturer too so another reason not to be comfortable demanding certain days. Tbh we all complain about the timetabling team and their disorganisation but my colleagues have support networks to fall back on or are more senior so able to be more demanding. I don’t feel able to do this, I only started working there last September.

Anyway, spoken to the manager again on the phone. She spoke to the member of staff who witnessed the boy jumping on DS. Lo and behold, this boy also has SEN so that’s now three children I’m aware of and there’s just no way they have enough staff to supervise all three SEN children. All three have attacked DS in one way or another. I’m viewing another nursery next week for younger DS, hopefully that one fits. It’s more established and has good reviews in the local area so that’s something.

OP posts:
WhatIsntInAName · 09/06/2023 11:35

Whado · 09/06/2023 11:30

Yes I work PT so not in a position to demand not working certain days. I only know I’ll be in three days a week, I don’t know which days until they fix students timetables which last year wasn’t until September! I’m also a new lecturer too so another reason not to be comfortable demanding certain days. Tbh we all complain about the timetabling team and their disorganisation but my colleagues have support networks to fall back on or are more senior so able to be more demanding. I don’t feel able to do this, I only started working there last September.

Anyway, spoken to the manager again on the phone. She spoke to the member of staff who witnessed the boy jumping on DS. Lo and behold, this boy also has SEN so that’s now three children I’m aware of and there’s just no way they have enough staff to supervise all three SEN children. All three have attacked DS in one way or another. I’m viewing another nursery next week for younger DS, hopefully that one fits. It’s more established and has good reviews in the local area so that’s something.

If you work 3 days you work 3 days. You should be able to have regular set days. It's more than workable into the timetable. Every lecturer I know that works part time does. Hell, I even know some that don't have lectures timetabled before 10am to allow for school drop off and these people work full time. You need to have a word with your line manager about set days.

BellatrixLestrangesHeatedCurlers · 09/06/2023 11:56

Sorry but there is actual diagnosed SEN, suspected and in the process of being diagnosed SEN, and "I can't parent for shit so I'll just say my kid is SEN". This sounds like the latter. The nursery clearly can't cope and is shit. For ALL THREE kids who have targeted your DS to be SEN - wtf? Are they also attacking other children or is it only magically when they hurt your child and the nursery staff aren't around/cba to deal with it?

cestlavielife · 09/06/2023 11:59

you need to commit to 5 days a week childcare elsewhere and suck up the cost. You can’t send your son to that environment.

Thus

Get a nanny

Move him out

No point battling to change the nursery

x2boys · 09/06/2023 12:43

BellatrixLestrangesHeatedCurlers · 09/06/2023 11:56

Sorry but there is actual diagnosed SEN, suspected and in the process of being diagnosed SEN, and "I can't parent for shit so I'll just say my kid is SEN". This sounds like the latter. The nursery clearly can't cope and is shit. For ALL THREE kids who have targeted your DS to be SEN - wtf? Are they also attacking other children or is it only magically when they hurt your child and the nursery staff aren't around/cba to deal with it?

Regardless of whether there is actual.diagnosed SEN or suspected the nursery don't appear.to be safeguarding the children and thats the issue

Bibbitybobbitty · 09/06/2023 13:10

You may be able to get a bit more flexibility with a childminder. Often shift workers etc can negotiate paying for 3 full days + a 1/3-1/2 holding fee for days not used each week. I have offered this in past, just needed to know a month in advance what days were needed.. then Once you know in Sept what work days are needed you could then fix days.

cyncope · 09/06/2023 14:22

BellatrixLestrangesHeatedCurlers · 09/06/2023 11:56

Sorry but there is actual diagnosed SEN, suspected and in the process of being diagnosed SEN, and "I can't parent for shit so I'll just say my kid is SEN". This sounds like the latter. The nursery clearly can't cope and is shit. For ALL THREE kids who have targeted your DS to be SEN - wtf? Are they also attacking other children or is it only magically when they hurt your child and the nursery staff aren't around/cba to deal with it?

Three children in one class who have high behavioural needs is always going to be hard for a nursery to deal with.
If they have say 24 children and 3 adults in the class, the children with additional needs are just not going to get 1:1 or constant supervision - it's just not possible.

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