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Original poster

Strange encounter today

39 replies

Fartooold · 08/06/2023 16:40

Before I start this saga, let me just say that I never felt in any real danger.

So, I was queueing at checkout in store and waited for ages - they had to send someone for a barcode, overflowing trolleys etc etc.,

I had 3 items. Got a tap on the shoulder and a man asked to go in front of me because he only had 2 items, I said ' no, sorry, I only have 3 myself and I've been waiting ages'.
He went berserk - I was a 'fucking cunt', he ranted for a good 30 seconds. Tbh, it was so ridiculous I wanted to laugh, but my only response was to smile and say 'seriously'?
Cue him then saying I needed to watch myself, I'd get what I deserved, he had his eye on me.
I tried to make eye contact with people around me. The woman in front turned her back. The man behind him looked to the side. The young cashier put his head down.
No one in that store gave me even tacit support.
Nowt happened, but I'm still a bit 'wtf would anyone have done if he had turned nasty'?

I'm not shook up by it, just quite disappointed really.

OP posts:
Showersugar · 08/06/2023 16:44

I'd be almost as angry at the bystanders as I would be at the man, I'm sorry that happened to you

Adelaide66 · 08/06/2023 16:44

Horrid experience. Sounds as if he has mental health issues. Well done you for standing your ground and keeping your cool. People, alas, hate any confrontation.

Sparklfairy · 08/06/2023 16:48

He was obviously unhinged, and rightly or wrongly people didn't want to get involved and escalate it.

Reminds me of when I was on the tube years ago, and a man got on at the far end of my carriage and threatened another man with a knife. Literally every passenger turned their back. There was no panic, no mayhem, everyone just pretended it wasn't happening.

BTP got on at the next stop and removed him before anything happened, but it was surreal.

UnfortunateTypo · 08/06/2023 16:59

He sounds utterly unhinged, so sorry you went through that. Bystander effect really is a thing though, where people are too scared to act. Mum and I were standing in a supermarket queue years ago. And there was a young couple I’m front of us and she was holding a new born baby. He said something to her, she answered in a quiet voice (didn’t hear what was said) and he punched full on in the face. There was this silence where literally everyone just pretended they hadn’t seen.

Except for my Mum, who got in between them and protected the woman and baby. Then suddenly everyone was helping, a couple of other shoppers moved the lady back to safety, they called security and the police were called as well. But if she hadn’t, he would have gotten away with it. I often think of her and hope she’s had a good life away from him.

Original poster
Fartooold · 08/06/2023 17:09

It's shocking isn't it? Had I been around in that situation, I would have at least made eye contact and conveyed some sympathy for the situation without wading in.

I have waded in in the past, 'rescuing' a young woman who was being slapped and punched by her boyfriend. It didn't go well, she sided with him🥺

As I say, never thought I was about to be physically attacked, just shocked at everyone turning away.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fartooold · 08/06/2023 17:10

UnfortunateTypo · 08/06/2023 16:59

He sounds utterly unhinged, so sorry you went through that. Bystander effect really is a thing though, where people are too scared to act. Mum and I were standing in a supermarket queue years ago. And there was a young couple I’m front of us and she was holding a new born baby. He said something to her, she answered in a quiet voice (didn’t hear what was said) and he punched full on in the face. There was this silence where literally everyone just pretended they hadn’t seen.

Except for my Mum, who got in between them and protected the woman and baby. Then suddenly everyone was helping, a couple of other shoppers moved the lady back to safety, they called security and the police were called as well. But if she hadn’t, he would have gotten away with it. I often think of her and hope she’s had a good life away from him.

Well done your mum 😁

OP posts:
Original poster
Fartooold · 08/06/2023 17:12

Sparklfairy · 08/06/2023 16:48

He was obviously unhinged, and rightly or wrongly people didn't want to get involved and escalate it.

Reminds me of when I was on the tube years ago, and a man got on at the far end of my carriage and threatened another man with a knife. Literally every passenger turned their back. There was no panic, no mayhem, everyone just pretended it wasn't happening.

BTP got on at the next stop and removed him before anything happened, but it was surreal.

That was exactly what is was like. Everyone just ignoring it, as though nothing was happening.
Never experienced thus before, but obviously not a rare occurrence 😬

OP posts:
megacat · 08/06/2023 17:27

A similar thing happened to me, except I did feel in danger as it was a fairly secluded place. I was desperately looking round hoping one of the few people in the vicinity would come over to help. They left. I ran to a man who had walked past and clearly seen it in desperation and he pretended not to have seen anything and laughed it off.
Like you I was more shocked at the reaction of others than the incident itself. As a person who would always wade in to help I couldn't understand why people would leave a woman alone with a clearly unhinged man.

Recoveringcynic · 08/06/2023 17:30

I had this recently. Apparently I looked at him funny and was a effing 'c*nt' who he would kill. I was walking alone along a relatively busy street at around 8.30 but there was nobody very close to us. I'm pretty sure he must have been on something but it was very frightening. MEN ffs.

EyelessArseFace · 08/06/2023 17:35

Some random man had a go at me on a train once. Not one single person did anything to help me, they all looked the other way. It was awful. So you have my sympathies.

Giggorata · 08/06/2023 17:38

I just wanted to say that years ago when I was frequently beaten up my exH in public, I had to tell the kind people who intervened to butt out, because when I didn't, I got a lot worse behind closed doors.
So anyone who has done that, please know how grateful I was really, even if I daren't express it at the time.
This was my experience, I wonder if anyone else had the same?

Floralys2 · 08/06/2023 17:40

What would people have done?

Probably filmed on their phones and nothing else

2bazookas · 08/06/2023 17:46

I'd have raised my had high and shouted "SECURITY">

BunnyBettChetwynnd · 08/06/2023 17:48

I had a similar instance on a train. Threatening drunk man making horrible comments whilst swinging a beer bottle about. I was terrified and nobody in the packed carriage said a word. Luckily I was getting off at the next stop but was petrified he'd follow me - he didn't but he just disappeared into the crowd.

Several people (all men) came up to me afterwards and said they didn't intervene as they didn't want to escalate the situation but that if the man had become physical they'd have stepped in. That made me feel a little better but I felt vulnerable for ages and am still very wary on trains.

Thistooshallpsss · 08/06/2023 17:51

I think there is some truth if it’s someone mouthing off ignoring them might de escalate the situation. The other thing I’ve heard suggested is to ignore the assailant and go and stand with sit with chat to the potential victim without mentioning what’s going on. So they don’t feel on their own. Never tried it mind.

Wiccan · 08/06/2023 17:52

I would have asked you if you were ok , to at least let you know I am quite prepared to jump in and help you. If you didn't want my help fair enough at least I'd know to stay out of it .

blahblah2023 · 08/06/2023 18:02

NC for this as it’s very outing.

On a night out last year my drunk friend ran off screaming so I followed her as she has a history of trying to harm herself when she’s in that state and a group of men tackled me to the ground as they thought I was chasing her to attack her, I tried to explain the situation but they continued to pin me down. I started desperately flailing my limbs around in panic and making contact with random body parts until one of them smashed the bottle he was holding and held it to my neck, I genuinely thought I was going to die and not a single person from the nearby busy taxi rank came to help me even though they were all fucking staring because I was making so much noise. I bit his wrist as hard as I could in the end and he recoiled and briefly let me go so I RAN and the only person who came to help me when they started to chase was a girl who must have been about 18 who saw me drop my bag as I ran away and came to give it back. Never been so fucking frightened.

Beachhutnut · 08/06/2023 18:18

I would complain to the shop. Totally unacceptable for the member of staff to do nothing. Even if s/he didn't intervene directly could have buzzed for security or a manager.

Original poster
Fartooold · 09/06/2023 06:23

blahblah2023 · 08/06/2023 18:02

NC for this as it’s very outing.

On a night out last year my drunk friend ran off screaming so I followed her as she has a history of trying to harm herself when she’s in that state and a group of men tackled me to the ground as they thought I was chasing her to attack her, I tried to explain the situation but they continued to pin me down. I started desperately flailing my limbs around in panic and making contact with random body parts until one of them smashed the bottle he was holding and held it to my neck, I genuinely thought I was going to die and not a single person from the nearby busy taxi rank came to help me even though they were all fucking staring because I was making so much noise. I bit his wrist as hard as I could in the end and he recoiled and briefly let me go so I RAN and the only person who came to help me when they started to chase was a girl who must have been about 18 who saw me drop my bag as I ran away and came to give it back. Never been so fucking frightened.

That's terrifying!
Don't think I'd be laughing that one off - did you report it, or were you just glad to get away?

OP posts:
Original poster
Fartooold · 09/06/2023 06:25

Thistooshallpsss · 08/06/2023 17:51

I think there is some truth if it’s someone mouthing off ignoring them might de escalate the situation. The other thing I’ve heard suggested is to ignore the assailant and go and stand with sit with chat to the potential victim without mentioning what’s going on. So they don’t feel on their own. Never tried it mind.

Actually, the going and standing quietly at the side would work ( well, it would have for me).
I'll remember that if I'm ever in that situation.

OP posts:
FlightOfTheProcrastinator · 09/06/2023 06:57

I was in a supermarket once walking down the aisle when a scruffy man and his out of control son of about 4 started walking towards me from the other end.

The kid was shouting at the top of his voice pretending to be an aeroplane “neeeee-ooowwww!” And swerving from left to right with his arms out. He was twisting his head all around at the same time, so I knew he couldn’t see where he was going, and so I stood still and out of the way near the shelves, quite happy to let him play.

The kid literally made a beeline for me and smashed head-first into my basket. The dad saw all of it but the kid shouted - “wah, she hit me” and he stormed up to me in a really exaggerated swagger and squared up to me then screamed “you fahhcking c*nt!!!” An inch from my face. It was unbelievable.

I often think of what became of that kid with such an awful role model.

tymberland · 09/06/2023 07:03

Giggorata · 08/06/2023 17:38

I just wanted to say that years ago when I was frequently beaten up my exH in public, I had to tell the kind people who intervened to butt out, because when I didn't, I got a lot worse behind closed doors.
So anyone who has done that, please know how grateful I was really, even if I daren't express it at the time.
This was my experience, I wonder if anyone else had the same?

Yes.

MichelleScarn · 09/06/2023 07:10

blahblah2023 · 08/06/2023 18:02

NC for this as it’s very outing.

On a night out last year my drunk friend ran off screaming so I followed her as she has a history of trying to harm herself when she’s in that state and a group of men tackled me to the ground as they thought I was chasing her to attack her, I tried to explain the situation but they continued to pin me down. I started desperately flailing my limbs around in panic and making contact with random body parts until one of them smashed the bottle he was holding and held it to my neck, I genuinely thought I was going to die and not a single person from the nearby busy taxi rank came to help me even though they were all fucking staring because I was making so much noise. I bit his wrist as hard as I could in the end and he recoiled and briefly let me go so I RAN and the only person who came to help me when they started to chase was a girl who must have been about 18 who saw me drop my bag as I ran away and came to give it back. Never been so fucking frightened.

Bloody hell! Does your friend know what happened to you because of you trying to help in her drunken behaviour?

Daffodilwoman · 09/06/2023 07:20

That is shocking. The cashier should have called for security.

Thisweeksname · 09/06/2023 07:27

Why are some men so vile 😟

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