Teachers getting the blame for everything

[Moonlightdancing]

Is seems to me that parenting is moving more and more towards the teachers. I really wish it was mandatory for each parent to teach a day in a school and see how it's really like. Your child is no angel. My child is no angel. There is so much to teach in a day, to provide support to children that need it, assessments, reports, meetings etc. On top of that you have parents complaining that their child has issues with friendships, school not supportive, needs a plan in place. When to do all that? I tell you when. At lunchtime. So you don't have any breaks. No wonder everyone leaves the profession. Sorry for the rant, but i see all these posts about schools being blamed for not supporting the child....i mean, a little parenting at home will go a long way. Teaching children boundaries and respect would help massively. And it might come as a suprise to some, but children do lie....

I agree with you completely.

You see it on here with people saying teachers get a 'free holiday' when they take children on skiing trips 🤦‍♀️Hmm

Yup. I'm on a week-long residential trip right now. It took me months to organise. Hours of unpaid extra work every week since September. Two of the days we are away are a weekend. I am on call 24 hours a day. I had to set 25 hours of detailed, foolproof cover work before I went, for the classes I will miss. Fortunately the students are fantastic, but it's one of the most draining and stressful things I've ever had to do as a teacher. I'm exhausted already and am only 2 days in.

All of my children's teachers have been wonderful.

Sadly, some of the children in their classes have/ are not.

But if they’re delayed due to lazy parenting that is SEN isn’t it? Because they’re delayed regardless of the reason.

I actually think we have reached a point where there needs to be a public enquiry into why so many children are delayed or have educational needs much greater than those in previous generations. I don’t think it’s all down to covid as the rise started before that. I don’t think it’s parenting related either as there have always been lazy parents. Until we find out parents and teachers will simply blame each other. I’m genuinely worried about what will happen when these children reach adulthood unless we find out what’s going on and how we can help them.

yes due to the fact they would be physically assaulted if they did so.

yes due to the fact they would be physically assaulted if they did so.

Wait... you think that the main/sole reason behaviour was less bad in previous generations was corporal punishment? Behaviour was better in schools 20 or even 10 years ago, long after corporal punishment was abolished.

Corporal punishment in schools was banned in the 80s wasn’t it?

Parents are such a mixed bag… I have just had a parent (very rudely, and online, of course) try to tell me that her son can read in class whenever he wants and whatever he wants during the school day. Not the first time she has been abusive to teachers either. Her son is always late and she never picks him up from the door, just has his brother collect him instead. The child is lovely.
Whereas another one has sent me a lovely note to say how much progress her son has made and how he’s enjoying learning, and thank you for all I am doing. I will never understand why some parents feel like they need to abuse their child’s teacher. If you have a complaint, just talk to us! I would hate it if my children’s school thought I was rude and abusive - unfortunately it gets noted down. It can always be changed through a little open dialogue- some people just prefer to hide behind their computers instead of wanting to fix issues…

This is correct.
In my nearly 40 years of teaching in an infant school I have experienced all of this and more .
Eg -
I was always responsible for children getting nits
I was always responsible for messy chewed cuffs of school jumpers
I often had messy clothes thrust at me after art sessions and told I’d have to clean them or replace them
It was always a hundred times easier dealing with children than parents!

One of my adult children has recently become a TA and despite having children herself of school age and hearing my stories over the years, keeps saying to me “ OMG! I had no idea what it was like to work in a school, the teachers are run ragged”

Yes! I forgot that I was also held responsible for missing items
” Did it have her name on?”
” No but you can’t miss it , there’s a big black mark on the front. If you can find it you’ll have to buy her another one as you shouldn’t have lost it”
I ( mainly) loved my job I hasten to add.

I think it's a mixture of lack of funding and ridiculous expectations on teachers. I have 5 dc with disabilities. Years ago at least 2 of them would have been special needs schools. They are all in mainstream and the teachers are struggling with them.

I'm fairly certain that the increase in children with SEN is because of 2 reasons. Firstly adults with SEN are now meeting other adults with SEN and having children with SEN. I have also noticed that a lot of parents with SEN are having big families. Not sure if that is planned or if they struggle to be organised with contraception. I have noticed that a lot of parents who have SEN themselves are more confident with coping with SEN in their children so are more likely to have more. Also many see their SEN as a difference rather than a does and are quite happy to have more children with a high chance of SEN. Meanwhile a lot of NT parents will not have more children after one of their children had SEN. I have also heard about quite a few parents who would terminate their pregnancy when they have an in utero diagnosis of what my 4th dc has. I was offered termination but I refused and am so glad I did. I do admit that he has cost the nhs and the education system a small fortune though.I

Secondly, more and more children with SEN are surviving when they would have died before. Children born prematurely are surviving at 22/23/24 weeks and most of these children have long term health problems and SEN. So many children in the past were "sickly" and died. Nowadays we know how to help them and it's much rarer for children to die. Children are surviving cancer but have long term problems. Children are being supervised more closely so less fatal accidents.

I totally agree with this.

Teachers are blaming parents, parents are blaming teachers (so simplistic and reflective of the way we ‘pick a side’ these days) but the entire system needs looking at.

Yes there is some truth in both ‘sides’ but let’s look at the deeper issues in both society and in the education system that are fuelling this.

Under-funding.
Lack of SEN provision.
Ofsted/government pressures.
The curriculum being out of date and more or less irrelevant for the modern/digital world.

Poverty
COL crisis leading to stress/family crisis
Lack of support for families especially those in poverty.
The changes since the pandemic

Can we not talk about these things without the blame game? It’s too black and white.

Want to make it clear I don’t blame teachers for anything. I was one so I know the pressures.
Unfortunately teachers are just expected to do the government’s ‘dirty work’ and suck it up. I left as I couldn’t be part of it anymore.

I don't think this is about money really, just the expectation some parents have that all responsibility of teaching everything to children lies with the school.

A friend of mine is a teacher and she's told me that there are kids of 6 and 7 who don't even know how to put their own coat on the right way round, or do up buttons. They don't know how to follow the simplest of instructions, and won't sit down and be quiet, they endlessly fidget and won't shut up. Constant minor disobedience. Regular NT kids, not ones who need support for some reason.

That is SEN, and at a quite serious level. Why are mainstream primaries being left to handle this? I have worked in special schools, and it seems to me that the children taken on are those whose parents have advocated, pushed, and in some cases plain old paid to have them there. It should be on the basis of needs. The systems are corrupt, and dying.

I have to be honest and say yes, I did blame parents for some things. Not out loud of course.
Doing up coats, basic tidy up skills ( put the pencils in the pot don’t throw them on the floor sort of thing) not reading important letters, not returning library books or borrowed clothing, eating and using cutlery etc

There’s children of 10 and 11 (no SEN) who can’t do up coats in the school I teach at.

I do blame a lot on the total lack of parenting. Parents are very quick to blame/seek retribution when something goes wrong for their child. There’s a generation of children being raised who aren’t going to be able to cope with difficulties in later life because they’ve never been allowed to feel failure, someone has always stepped in for every little issue and fought their corner. Behaviour is at an all time low, many parents are unwilling to accept their child needs to take responsibility for their own behaviour.

At our school the children vandalise and destroy everything they’re given. Pencils etc are snapped, pens are taken apart and ink squeezed out, paints/pastels etc are ruined because children deliberately gouge them, yard toys aren’t used for playing but instead get broken immediately, books are scrawled on, dictionaries ripped…I could go on. These are things the school has to replace (legally) and no consequences work because we have to follow our (wishy washy) behaviour policy. Never a day goes by that I don’t have to speak to a parent.

I used to love teaching but now it feels like it’s just behaviour management and fielding parental issues, most of which could be sorted out by a bit of firmer parenting.

We recently had a meeting about sats and one parent said the kids didn't need to know how to spell correctly dye to computers or maths due to calculators, but the parents thought school should teach her children about paying bills, buying insurance, life admin...but that's their job not schools

The relationship between parents and teachers has absolutely broken down. We should be partners working towards a shared goal. We’re not.

Blame attendance awards and the nasty threatening letters schools send parents on a regular basis if the parents are unlucky enough to have a sick child.

Blame the fact that teachers use well-behaved sensitive children as ‘buffer zones’ and seat them next to the disruptive children, thus destroying the sensitive child’s ability to learn.

Blame underfunding.

Blame the fact that (for perfectly understandable reasons) teachers give 90% of their attention to the problem children, and no one else learns much.

Blame schools’ bizarre obsession with uniform and whether the top button is done up or blazer is on. (Nope: uniform strictness does not raise standards, it just makes children and parents lose respect for schools.)

Blame the fact that teachers give the good parts in every play to the same 3 favourite children, ignoring the fact that they are there to actually teach and that is the other children who don’t do posh drama classes at weekends and who quietly long for a big part, who would most benefit from the opportunity.

Blame the headteachers’ obsessions with statistics and Ofsted and their refusal to actually listen to what parents are asking for.

Blame a culture that financially forces mums of babies back to work and has them raised by screens and nurseries who don’t care about them and then wonders why they’re emotionally disfunctional by age 7.

But 😬to those teachers who try hard, thank you for all that you do.

Do nurseries really cause emotional dysfunction? That makes me very sad. DD started at 13 months and seemed very happy there. But I do question whether it was the best thing for her sometimes. I had no choice though. I had to go back to work.

I'm a teacher and I don't think parents have any idea of how busy my days are and how demanding or rude they are being. I often receive emails at 10 o'clock at night which I don't reply to but often read (in case it's one of my department telling me they are going to be off sick so I'll have to go early and set up all their cover) and often they are so angry that it stops me from being able to sleep.

If your child loses their PE kit then of course you can be pissed off about it but the school cannot replace every bit of lost PE kit And I cannot always find it. If another child says something unkind just once, it's not bullying its just being unkind and of course they need telling off but this doesn't warrent kicking them out of school. If another teacher gave your child what you deem to be an unfair detention I don't as a tutor have the power to overrule them.

Teenagers will often fixate on one minor detail and ignore all that they did wrong e.g. Miss sent me out because I needed a pencil....erm Miss sent you out because whilst she was trying to teach the finer pointsglacthe demographic transition model you got up walked across the room and started talking and laughing with your mate. When told to sit back down and stop talking you then began arguing that you were 'just getting a pen, don't you want me to do any work, your always picking on me, what's wrong is that time of the month' or some other bollocks. But of course they won't have told their parent any of that and the angry parent won't hold back on telling me how unreasonable I am and how Johnny's mate says I was picking on him too so therefore I must be.

I'm an early years teacher (previously taught in nursery and reception, as well as managed a private day nursery). When working in reception a child's ability to count, knowledge of the alphabet and confidence in holding a pencil upon starting were not really a primary concern for me. Children can be supported to develop these skills, but it is important that children come to school prepared to learn, so rather than focusing on academic skills, it is far more important for parents to focus on the following:
Toilet training (the occasional accident is still expected, the children are only four and embarking on a big change!)
Independence-being able to independently get dressed, put on their own coat and shoes
Language skills-lots of fun reading and singing at home.
Social skills-being able to work and play in collaboration with other children.
The pressure on teachers can be immense though, I am taking a career break since having my own children.

If you work in early years settings or primary teaching can I ask what you think is causing so many delayed children or children with greater educational needs? Pretty much all the teachers I know have said the number of such children has gone up and up and up. I’m interested to know why as I don’t have much contact with small kids bar my own.

@elliejjtiny thanks that was really interesting. What baffles me is what seems to be a huge rise in non verbal children where there is no clear reason they cannot speak? For example cerebral palsy or Down’s syndrome. Our local area seems to have a huge number of children under this umbrella and Im really curious as to why. My gran worked with thousands of families until the 90s and said she never met a child who couldn’t speak with no known cause although there were children who had selective mutism or intense shyness which meant they were unable to communicate at certain times. Everyone blames covid but that was a while ago now and as I said before there have always been neglected children so I don’t think it’s parenting related.

Our current year 3 cohorts will be the ones who missed nursery due to COVID, and our year 4s missed reception, critical social elements of their development. For some children, the only voice they might hear would be a parent or a device like tv or a tablet. Communication and language would therefore be stunted through lack of diversity of interaction.