Hit me up with your best hacks/tips on dealing with a toddler and a newborn?

[Dakers]

About to have my second baby and my first is about to turn 2. What are some tips or hacks you've found useful if you have had a similar age gap?

Assemble a collection of activities you can likely do one handed while feeding a newborn - simple board games, colouring, stickers, reading etc. At just 2 you won't need to follow all the rules perfectly, colour in the lines, worry about how stickers are being used etc as long as you're spending time and focused attention with them, they'll be happy (and that's more important than teaching them the rules anyway!)

Try to develop a habit of talking to the baby like you do the toddler, like "Baby, I'm sorry, you'll have to wait, I'm helping Brother right now. It won't be long, don't worry." and when newborn randomly flails arms "No, baby, don't hit! That's not nice!" Newborn won't care or notice, but big sib won't feel like you're getting at them/expecting things from them in an unbalanced way.

Try to notice when 2yo is doing good things and take the time to praise them.

If they are playing rough redirect rather than getting angry. Tickling baby's feet, showing a toy or book is a safe way for toddler to interact and you can say "Baby really likes that!" By around 3 months they start to watch big sibling more.

Toy baby doll for toddler is great.

Chocolate.

everything else is a haze ;)

(not hugely helpful… good luck!… be prepared for the fact you will confuse their names)

Remember, however counter intuitive it feels, the toddler's needs should, as far as possible, come first. So long as the baby is warm fed and safe, she'll be fine-she can wait a little. The toddler is more complex, and it's important to work on the relationship between her and her sibling. Which means reassuring her that she hasn't slid down the pecking order!

Following for tips!

My dc are are 2.5 years between them. I made sure I gave them both time together and individually.
I always got my toddler involved in choosing the baby's clothes for the day, pouring the water in the baby bath, wiping baby's hands with wipes etc, blitzing the food in the blender and decanting into ice cube trays for freezing. Toddler would feed baby the bottle supervised of course.
When newborn was napping, I would do things with toddler whether it be mark making, building with mega locks, washing up or laundry!They would nap at the same time after lunch which helped me to catch up with ironing or anything I hadn't done.
When it was time for baby's feed, my toddler would always get something too whether it be a cup of milk/water/piece of fruit or cracker if thy wanted it

Everyone feed and no one dead = winning.

I had 21 months between mine. I’d recommend a sling for the newborn as it frees up your hands. Mine lived in hers for the first few months. If you already go to playgroups or anything with the toddler try to keep going to them with the baby as well. It’s hard but it’s a bit of normality for the toddler.

15 months between mine

Definitely agree with prioritising toddler as long as baby is fed and changed etc.

And take each day as it comes - some days are going to be really hard but some surprisingly easy!

It gets soooo much easier when baby is toddling about and they start playing together.

To echo what others have said - sling, focus on toddler, get toddler involved in baby care and big them up massively to others in their hearing (eg if they’re playing nearby ‘DH you wouldn’t believe how great toddler was helping me with nappy changes today, I’m so proud’ etc etc)

Partly by chance (DH was working crazy hours and away a lot) and partly by design I did almost everything together with mine. I always bathed them together, did bedtime together, etc. Got them ‘playing’ together as soon as possible (in reality - things like getting the toddler to build towers near baby’s flailing limbs so they would ‘knock them down’). It set them up well for a good relationship I think and made my life a whole lot easier.

Oh, I have one I was told here years ago! Get three toy boxes. One for baby, one for toddler and one for both. When toddler gets upset baby is playing with something he has never touched since babyhood but suddenly decides is the most important thing in the world, let him take it from the baby (who won't care yet) only if he first gets a toy from the "baby" box to exchange it with.
Saved a lot of tears.

I always go to toddler first if they're both upset, so long as baby is safe. Include the toddler and talk them through what you're doing with baby. We refer to the baby as "our baby" . Toddler absolutely adores her ❤️.

I found it took about two months before I started to enjoy taking both out on my own. Now at 4 months in, it's great. Toddler is at nursery 3 days pw which feels like the right balance.

Put eye hooks on the outside of doors at the top, so that you can keep the toddler out of rooms when you are tied up with the baby (they can easily be ripped out in an emergency)

Have a safe spot to put the baby on each floor of your house where the toddler cant get to them (or ‘give’ them toys) so you can nip to the loo/answer the door

Always blame yourself and not the baby for not being able to do things. So if toddler wants to play and you are feeding, say Mum just need to sit down for a bit as my legs are tired, not the baby needs a feed. That helps to minimize the toddlers jealousy/frustration with the baby

Go overboard on how the toddler has a brother/baby and how much the baby loves the toddler. “Look how baby is watching you, thats because he loves you so much”. “Oh my goodness toddler, you are babies favorite, see how he is waving at you”

Tell toddler that babies like their toes kissed and tickled, it keeps them away from the babies head.

Some days will be good and some days will be awful. Try and see each new day as a new beginning for everyone

Really try and have both dc in a routine asap, its the best way for you to have some downtime. I remember almost crying with relief when I got mine napping at the same time after lunch. I had 2 blissful hours to quickly nap myself and then prep dinner before the crazy started again

Get the toddlers bedtime routine to a minimum before the baby arrives.

Oh and my toddler was given ear defenders by the baby as a present !

Good tip I was given, when I fed the baby I told DS it was time for his story time and we would sit and read stories on the sofa together so he felt that it was his time too.

Learning from 21 months between my two, 32 months between my sister’s three: husbands* are made for housework. If you don’t have one: fuck housework beyond the essentials.

• wives/partners/any combination

I found a couple of soft plays that were really small (one in a community centre for example), that were small enough to supervise a toddler from the side and served toddler friendly food at not far off cost price. I went there. A lot.

Happy toddler=Happy home

we are 5 weeks in to 2 under 2 and it’s hard but my eldest has adapted so well. Don’t expect too much of your toddler, they may regress a bit in behaviour. Ours wants some milk and to be held by my husband when the baby feeds. Keep their routine as much as possible so not too much changes for them all at once!

wine.

I love this!

Keep toddler in childcare.

I asked my MIL to stay as long as possible to see to the toddler plus house stuff.

DH took the 2 weeks he could (as was at the time) and 2 more weeks annual leave when MIL went home.

My Dad came for a week.

We got a cleaner.

Oh yes definitely get a present from the baby to the toddler. DS3 got DS2 a toy bus and he was absolutely overjoyed and showed it off to everyone. It was his favourite toy and kept him occupied a lot as well. (Big bus, tipper truck, digger, tractor, rubbish truck etc if you have a toddler that loves vehicles)