Having a baby has made me appreciate my mum so much more

[NoPicklesplease]

Did anyone else have this?

I gave birth to my first 4 months ago and since then it’s made me appreciate my mum so much more, it’s also made me feel so guilty for all the shit I put her through as a teen, for how moody I was as a 10 year old, all in all I was not expecting this side of motherhood.

Holding DD and feeling such indescribable love made me think ‘oh shit, that’s how my mum feels about me’ and although it’s lovely having this new appreciation I wasn’t expecting the guilty feelings along side it.

For DH having DD has done the opposite and finally made him realise how shit his parents were, they were abusive and neglectful growing up, but since having DD and feeling such a strong love for her, it’s given him the push to go NC with his parents.

Being a single mum, having raised ds to almost 15 by myself while working full time, has only confirmed what I suspected but felt guilty about thinking.....that my parents were lazy, selfish, bigoted and pretty indifferent to the needs of their children.

And that my teenage instinct to put as much space between them and myself as possible was spot on. They are both long gone, so at least I can say so without feeling bad.

Not really, I knew what she felt and feels for me, though we have never been the huggy tell each type, I always know she loves me.
Having my babies developed our bond more, but it was never like an eye opener moment, as I kind of knew what the unconditional love was all about. I sometimes wish I could be more like her as a mum though !

I think it highlighted for me how neglectful my mother was.

I’m in the middle - it made me appreciate lots of the things she did, but also determined not to do some of the things she did. My children are now adults and I am sure I have made many many mistakes……

With you 💯 she is amazing!!

@NoPicklesplease you will definitely get the mixed bag of replies here.

Having a baby typically makes you look at your own parents, sometimes that’s good, sometimes not.

I am the classic “not good” - so much so I am now completely no contact with my mother and my life is much healthier for it. Unfortunate but it is what it is. I have vowed to be a much better mother to my 2 boys

Glad that it was a positive for OP (and others).

I'm another who felt the opposite. Particularly as I'd tried to have many conversations with my parents when I was in my 20s about how they had parented and their stock answer was pretty much that I'd understand when I had my own children. Actually having my own children made me understand even less.

@NoPicklesplease awww I felt absolutely the same when I had my DS.

It is an eye opener, and like you say that's how they feel about you. ❤️

I also cried a heap about all the horrible teenage shit I did growing up. I think it's completely normal to feel like that especially if you have lovely parents.

Like some pp's, it made me realise just how shit my parents were. Now my mums getting older she's letting lots of things slip. Like how when I was a tiny baby, her and my dad would drive to the pub and leave me in the car all evening (in a carry cot), a tiny baby! My mum would then drive us all home drunk, she didn't even have a licence, so that my dad wouldn't lose his licence if we were stopped by police. Anyone could have taken me or done anything to me while they were sat in the pub! It would have actually been less bad if they'd left me at home. I think I'm still feeling incredibly angry about this at the moment as I found that out not long ago!

Sadly the above story came as no real surprise as things continued in that way throughout my childhood. I am very low contact with my mum and was completely no contact with my dad when he died. Having my own DC and feeling that I would do anything to protect them, showed me just how little my parents cared.

I felt the opposite really, my mum wasn’t brilliant growing up.
but my son said he appreciated me a lot more now he has his own family and said he must have been a nightmare to parent (he was) and realises now how hard running a house is. Which was nice

It made me realise how much of a terrible friend I have been to my friends who have children, mostly because I just didn't understand.
I'm jealous OP, with my mum our relationship is awful since I've had a baby, we were so close beforehand. Nearly went NC a few months ago because she's been so very critical of how I have chosen to parent. For example she can't understand why we don't just leave DS to cry it out, why I didn't start feeding him rice at 3mo, why I breastfeed him or feed responsively instead of every 4 hours, why I won't use cot bumpers apparently I'm cruel by not using them. It doesn't matter what evidence I provide I'm still doing it wrong, doing ALL OF IT wrong. Yet in her words he's 'such a happy baby' and she says horrible things about me to him, in front of me. If I call her out on it she 'didn't mean it like that'

My son said the same to me. We’ve become a lot closer since he had a child.