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Original poster

Blindsided by rude colleague filling complaint.

26 replies

Jazzandblues · 07/06/2023 19:42

I just started a new job and currently in training. I had a lady on my course tell me to shut up and singled me as I was not the only one. I stood up for myself and told she can see me privately for a chat if there is an issue. She picked on me a few other times too but I ignored it. I was pulled in to a meeting today where I was told she had put in a complaint. I was blindsided by this and she just attacked me with accusations which I told her respectfully were baseless.

I feel that I was too polite and might now be seen as the aggressor because I was too understanding (e.g put it down to her having a bad day or otherwise treating me the way she did because of issue unrelated to me).

There is also the fact that she put in the complaint and I had not raised any concerns.

Any advice? It may be going on my record and escalated to HR manager.

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMooncup · 07/06/2023 19:49

Is your CV up to date? It sounds like you're going to need it again, as even if she was being unreasonable and you weren't just talking over her during your training and didn't actually square off against her before you've been there long enough for anybody to remember your name beyond 'She's the one that offered the supervisor out when she was asked to stop talking during induction' - you're going to be extremely lucky to make it as far as payday.

Casilero · 07/06/2023 19:52

Did you seriously tell her she could see you outside if she had a problem?

I think she's probably justified in her complaint to be honest.

Original poster
Jazzandblues · 07/06/2023 19:53

I didn't say it in a mean way - as in she can see me privately like for a chat if she wanted to raise an issue/ if there was a problem.

OP posts:
volcanoroll · 07/06/2023 19:54

Why did she tell you to shut up were you passing around during training?

volcanoroll · 07/06/2023 19:54

*pissing around even

ODFODeary · 07/06/2023 19:54

Casilero · 07/06/2023 19:52

Did you seriously tell her she could see you outside if she had a problem?

I think she's probably justified in her complaint to be honest.

No @Jazzandblues did she could speak to her privately , she wasn't out for a slapping match

Dacadactyl · 07/06/2023 19:55

There's a big difference between "ill see you outside" and "you can speak to me privately if there's an issue". Depends which one it was more like OP? I read it as being more like the 2nd, which doesn't sound bad to me.

I'd go to my manager and tell them what happened and leave it in their hands.

Janedoelondon · 07/06/2023 19:55

I don't really understand your post and have a few questions, sorry.

What were the circumstances in which this colleague told you to 'shut up'? What were you saying to evoke this response in a colleague?

Who is your colleague - is she senior to you, or a peer?

I don't see any issue asking if you can talk about the issue privately, if the argument was escalating in front of others. No harm in doing so, but it depends on the tone of the situation, so without being there it is hard to comment properly.

saraclara · 07/06/2023 19:56

Why did she tell you to shut up?

Casilero · 07/06/2023 19:58

Jazzandblues · 07/06/2023 19:53

I didn't say it in a mean way - as in she can see me privately like for a chat if she wanted to raise an issue/ if there was a problem.

Sorry, I translated it in my head as being more confrontational. I wasn't there though so I don't know how it came across. Was she the trainer? What were the other things she picked up on?

Janedoelondon · 07/06/2023 19:58

Casilero · 07/06/2023 19:52

Did you seriously tell her she could see you outside if she had a problem?

I think she's probably justified in her complaint to be honest.

From the OP's post, she didn't say this.

JenniferBarkley · 07/06/2023 19:59

It wouldn't really be the trainee's place to tell the supervisor that they should keep something for a private meeting.

briansgardenshed · 07/06/2023 20:09

Were you talking while she was trying to deliver a session? Not listening? Distracting others? If so that's very rude. She told you to shut up? Rudely? Jokily? Was it the first time or had she asked you before?
The only response would be "Sorry" and putting phone away, turning back to her, picking up pen for notes - whatever.
She didn't have " an issue" with you. You were talking while she was trying to speak to a group. Of course she told you not to.
But of course that may be a complete misunderstanding of what happened. In which case - speak to your manager.

Original poster
Jazzandblues · 07/06/2023 20:10

Janedoelondon · 07/06/2023 19:55

I don't really understand your post and have a few questions, sorry.

What were the circumstances in which this colleague told you to 'shut up'? What were you saying to evoke this response in a colleague?

Who is your colleague - is she senior to you, or a peer?

I don't see any issue asking if you can talk about the issue privately, if the argument was escalating in front of others. No harm in doing so, but it depends on the tone of the situation, so without being there it is hard to comment properly.

We were playing a game as a group, the instructor plays a song for 10seconds and we have to guess the song and artist. She was in one group and I was in the other. Our group knew the track, it's a very very well known one but they didn't. Everyone was talking but she called shouted across the room, telling me to shut up. I raised this to her in the meeting and she says she wasn't not addressing me personally but once I probed to say but we were making eye contact ( she very much was talking to me - using "you") but denies it.

She is not senior than me.

I understand. I assure you I was not shouting at her nor suggesting anything unprofessional.

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 07/06/2023 20:13

I think you went wrong by saying "but we were making eye contact". She could well have been talking to your group and inadvertently made eye contact with you.

I would have left it if I were you and not caused a scene. You looked confrontational by doing what you did when new to the role tbh.

Hyppogriff · 07/06/2023 20:14

You don’t come across as super professional
…

Original poster
Jazzandblues · 07/06/2023 20:15

saraclara · 07/06/2023 19:56

Why did she tell you to shut up?

She singled me out of a group of people. We were all talking. Prior to yesterday's events we had no issues. She came all the way to where I was sitting on Friday to offer me chocolates and we had a brief chat about chocolate. I am blindsided by these events because she alleges that I make her feel uncomfortable and have been for some time.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jazzandblues · 07/06/2023 20:18

Dacadactyl · 07/06/2023 20:13

I think you went wrong by saying "but we were making eye contact". She could well have been talking to your group and inadvertently made eye contact with you.

I would have left it if I were you and not caused a scene. You looked confrontational by doing what you did when new to the role tbh.

I have taken the time to think about it all. I am genuinely of the view that she picked on me. I will add that this was also picked up on by another colleague and the room went silent when she said it. I was not aggressive when I then told her to see me privately if there was an issue.

OP posts:
ThisNameIsNotAvailable · 07/06/2023 20:23

You do sound unnecessarily confrontational to be honest

Vitriolinsanity · 07/06/2023 20:35

Who pulled you into the meeting you mentioned in your OP?

Justalittlebitduckling · 07/06/2023 21:04

Can you put in a counter-complaint?

Dacadactyl · 07/06/2023 21:10

I really wouldn't put in a counter complaint, if you start to look like youre going to be hard work they'll just not keep you on after your probationary period, surely?

I'd just say to the manager that you felt unfairly singled out because of the eye contact and maybe mistook the situation for something it wasn't. Then keep an eye on her I'm case anything else crops up where you feel singled out and THEN go to the manager (without directly calling the colleague out if in a group setting)

I'd have 100% have given her the benefit of the doubt in the situation you described OP. I'm your shoes I'd hope they'd give you the benefit of the doubt too, but a counter complaint will just inflame things imo and you'll lose out being the new starter.

Original poster
Jazzandblues · 07/06/2023 21:26

I really do not want to drag it any further but I frankly was blindsided and can hope that it stops here. I will most certainly avoid her as much as possible. We won't be working in the same department so once training is over I won't be seeing much of her.

OP posts:
lieselotte · 07/06/2023 21:31

JenniferBarkley · 07/06/2023 19:59

It wouldn't really be the trainee's place to tell the supervisor that they should keep something for a private meeting.

I disagree. If you are in a group situation and the trainer is "telling you off" then it's perfectly acceptable to say it should be taken offline. But in any event it wasn't the trainer, it was another participant.

It all sounds very juvenile and more like school than a workplace.

NoPrivateSpy · 07/06/2023 21:32

I'm not sure what she is alleging actually happened but it sounds like the sort of approach to HR that they investigate because they're obligated to and just file away, never again to see the light of day.

My experience of people who complain for disingenuous reasons like you're suggesting have done it a few times before and are 'known.'

I would just say that was not how you recalled the conversation, that you are confused by her statement of the events and it might be worth checking with the training facilitator for their recollection? And obviously you're sad to learn she feels this way, hope she is ok, blah blah blah Smile

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