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Original poster

Should I confront “friends” making fun of me in pain?

25 replies

Whitesparklewings · 07/06/2023 00:44

So I did my back in gardening over the weekend and my back pain has been intensifying by the day so much that I could hardly move it at work yesterday afternoon. I was in that much agony I ended up crying in the staff room. My friends consoled me and hugged me but then a few minutes later I heard them laughing in the other room. They were standing there in hysterics and mimicking me crying and walking with a bad back! I just feel betrayed and hurt that my close friends would find my suffering hilarious and be belly laughing about it behind my back. I feel like I should let it go but I don’t want to be seen as a doormat or be the butt of people’s jokes.

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 07/06/2023 01:33

Why didn't you confront them at the time?

cherrypied · 07/06/2023 01:34

I hope you feel better soon op.

To be honest in my experience injuries take a certain amount of stick or ribbing from work colleagues.

However It was pretty unkind to do it behind you back and mock you.

If they are generally not dicks, ignore it.

Sounds like you need time off sick and some stronger painkillers. BaCk pain is the worst!

LoveSick64 · 07/06/2023 04:00

I dont think they are your friends...just work acquaintances...you've found that out the hard way. They are two faced.

Hope your pain has subsided a bit...

Primrosefrill · 07/06/2023 04:12

Do you think they think you are making it up? Not saying that you are. Just wondering why they reacted like that.

PatchworkDonkey · 07/06/2023 04:31

They're not your friends. No point calling them out on it, it won't change who they are. You know now though so distance yourself. If you're crying at work with pain you need time off and possibly prescription painkillers. Don't put yourself out for the sake of the team - look who your teammates are! You own them nothing. Take care of yourself first and foremost.

Polari · 07/06/2023 04:38

You probably have spasm which is painful.
Alternate hot and cold treatment and rest for a few days

Ask your colleagues why they think back pain is funny. They are knobs.

BigCheeseSandwich · 07/06/2023 05:10

“To be honest in my experience injuries take a certain amount of stick or ribbing from work colleagues.”

behind someone’s back though? If that’s true I’m glad I don’t work at your workplace.

They’re horrible OP. I would confront them - if you feel able to. Hope your back feels better soon.

weirdas · 07/06/2023 05:17

I hate this it's like if people don't see or feel something themselves it isn't real. Id find it hard to let this go.

pompomdaisy · 07/06/2023 05:21

I'm damn sure in my department no one would find someone's pain funny and mimick them. You work with a complete bunch of arseholes.

Look after yourself. Get well. Get another job.

3luckystars · 07/06/2023 05:26

that is really mean.

You should not be in work in that much pain though, I know you say it escalated suddenly but you should have gone home if the pain was that bad. If they were any kind of friends they would have helped you or driven you home.
I hope you feel better soon.

Proud2care82 · 07/06/2023 06:21

Behind your back is not nice at all. That would never happen where I work. I'm sorry. I'd say something I think.

Deathraystare · 07/06/2023 07:32

They should be ok when you laugh at them when they are in pain the , right???!! No I know it doesn't work like that....

Bunch of A-holes.

sourcorn · 07/06/2023 07:37

The time to do something would have been at the time. Though I know that would be hard. I think the best thing to do would be to walk in and say ah yeah thanks for that guys and not let it phase you.

Parisj · 07/06/2023 07:48

Definitely tell them they were dicks. You said you don't want to be a doormat

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 07/06/2023 08:10

I'd call them out. When you get to work and they ask how you are, I'd respond with something along the lines of 'why do you ask, so you can all take the piss behind my back?' Then walk off.

Crayfishforyou · 07/06/2023 08:56

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 07/06/2023 08:10

I'd call them out. When you get to work and they ask how you are, I'd respond with something along the lines of 'why do you ask, so you can all take the piss behind my back?' Then walk off.

This.
They are not your friends.

Rainbow1901 · 07/06/2023 08:59

I'd be saying - remind me to laugh at you when you are in pain one day!!

Quveas · 07/06/2023 09:18

It's definitely not nice but, as someone else said, these are colleagues, not friends. And much as I would knock it on the head if this were my staff doing it, I am afraid that the "bad back" has become a workplace joke in many places thanks to the many people lying about it to get out of work / pull a sickie. It's not funny - and I have a permamanty bad back due to arthritis in my spine, so I do empathise - but so many people have seen this one pulled that they may simply think you are setting yourself up for a lengthy sick leave. I have noticed that stress is going in the same direction in a lot of places, and the empathy / sympathy is wearing thin with many people because it's also an easy card to play with certain types of employers, to try to get out of things (like performance management and disciplinaries).

I'd just remember that they aren't your friends and if you forget that, just remind yourself about this. Then move on.

Xrays · 07/06/2023 09:20

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 07/06/2023 08:10

I'd call them out. When you get to work and they ask how you are, I'd respond with something along the lines of 'why do you ask, so you can all take the piss behind my back?' Then walk off.

Absolutely this. They’re dicks.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 07/06/2023 09:24

Deathraystare · 07/06/2023 07:32

They should be ok when you laugh at them when they are in pain the , right???!! No I know it doesn't work like that....

Bunch of A-holes.

I have back pain and had a colleague think it was very funny. Until the day he came into work and was telling us he'd been awake all night with backache. I'm not sorry to say I went to his desk and said 'not so funny now, is it?' and walked off.

Hbh17 · 07/06/2023 09:30

Sounds fairly standard to me. Why not just crack a few jokes about it yourself because we all have to laugh about our ailments eventually. I remember being in hospital in pain, and my best friend sent a very sarcastic & funny text, which stopped me feeling sorry for myself and makes me smile to this day.

Original poster
Whitesparklewings · 07/06/2023 10:27

I have ended up taking today off but luckily it does seem to have died down a bit today. The reason I didn’t confront them at the time is that I was very taken aback and I was in too much pain to deal with it. If someone asks how I am when I go back I think I’ll just say something like “I’m fine now so you’ll have to find something else to laugh at”.

OP posts:
PocketfulOfMiracles · 07/06/2023 11:13

From experience. Work 'friends' are rarely real friends. Just acquaintances who will come and go. Step back from them.

Hope you feel better soon.

IncompleteSenten · 07/06/2023 11:21

These are work colleagues?
Easy then. I'd be professional and polite going forward but remove them from my mind as friends.

And yes, I'd tell them I heard them mocking me and it's not acceptable.

LakeTiticaca · 07/06/2023 12:18

It depends on whether you are one these people who constantly go on and on about their health and come to work with yet another "condition" week in week out. These people are the ones who are always on "light duties" at work yet are able to go mountain climbing at weekends.
So if you are not one of these people then you have my sympathy. If you are one of these people......well 😉

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