My mother is awful

[PollyCreo]

Dead inside. I'm going through a terrible time at the moment and relying on her for support but she keeps letting me down. The only way I can cope is to lower my expectations 😡

In what way does she let you down?

My mum offers practical support when 99% of the time I'd prefer emotional support from her, but shes incapable of giving it.

She shut me down last week when I tried to discuss treatment for breast cancer. It's been delayed as I actually ended up in hospital last week for 5 days due to a ruptured appendix. It's all too much for her apparently. I'm overseas and she's complained it's too hot here (24c!) and she's had to fork out for the extra cost of car hire

My DM sounds similar and part of many reasons why I am now NC. For your own sake you need to consider lowering your expectations of her and looking for support from other sources, whether that be other family and friends, GP, counsellor, Samaritans etc. Some people will always disappoint but you need to change your outlook and don’t go to them for what you need anymore, as hard as that may be.

Yes sounds very similar unfortunately. I actually sarcastically apologised for being such an inconvenience 🙄 I do have good support here and very good friends who'll help me out x

Don't rely on her, don't engage. I'm glad you have support through friends.

I actually don't understand what goes on in her head. I'm her only daughter and yet she's so cold. We're going to an appointment tomorrow where my destiny will be decided (treatment and possibly surgery) but I have to worry about her reaction. I actually don't want her to be in the room

Does she have to go with you? Can you take a friend instead?

I’m sorry you’re facing this. It doesn’t sound like she suddenly became crap though - curious as to why you involved her? I’d send her home.

She has to drive me to the hospital tomorrow (it's an oncology centre out of town). Got another week of her here, still feel like I'm being a pain in the arse and she'd rather be somewhere else. I went a bit mental earlier and threw her stupid talc off my balcony 😅

I live abroad and she came over last month with my dad. They knew about the possible cancer thing but nothing was confirmed, I'd had all the scans etc but was waiting for the biopsy. In the interim, my appendix burst so ended up in hospital for 5 days. She's stayed on for a further 3 weeks to look after me (!) but she's not a great nurse/mother and she resents being here. She's bored and too hot and doesn't want to face the fact that I might need chemo and/or surgery.