How often do you need a break?

[adviceseeker22]

I've noticed that every few months (2-3) I become overwhelmed and look for a break (weekends away would be nice, but we always have the AL issue). I've reached that point again.

Last time that happened (around March) I took diazepam for two days and that did give me a reset, however the reasons why I reach this point remain. I simply don't have enough time to do everything I'm supposed to!

Plus my 3yo being a nightmare to take a nursery certainly doesn't help

I'm not really sure what you mean by a break but I think every 4 months or so I crave a week or 2 away somewhere nice. On a smaller scale, just getting a babysitter and having a date night just me and my husband is something we try to do at least every month.

Yes, that's more or less what I mean. We sometimes get date nights, but in the grand scheme of things I don't think they make that much of a difference. I think what wears me down the most is looking after the DC.

I’m also curious what do you mean by a break. Is it like going away to the warm AI place or going somewhere without DC or having a few days off work to relax at home?

A break from routine, ideally with no childcare duties :) . It could be anywhere for that matter (even if at home)

I am very envious of mothers who have the option! I had one weekend break, away from my children, in 18 years.
Yes, we had holidays, but as a widow from when they were babies, I had to do all the planning, booking, packing, supervising, risk assessment, foreign car hire and driving, plus laundry on getting home, so it wasn’t much of a “break”.

Every time it’s school holidays I wonder just how bad teaching would be as a career as I’d really like a few days off work! So about every 6-8 weeks for me.

How much are you with your children? Are you a SAHP? I worked so did have time away but obviously it was work. I used to go out with friends for a sort of big night out and weekend away which often meant away at their houses as they lived in different cities or they came to me as we rotated it, four times a year or as we used to joke when the gas bill came in. DH and I used to get a babysitter every couple of months for our nights out. Plus a couple of weekends away. But it was hard getting childcare for an entire weekend, my parents both had disabilities by the time I had DS as they were older when they had me and MIL and FIL were both working and he had moved overseas.

I work FT! And travel quite a bit due to work, but because of my workload is structured, I also do all of the wraparound childcare.

Just getting the occasional weekend off is enough for me - working 6/7 weekends in a row can be draining.

If you didn't have the option you'd cope, most people do. I think the way you're doing it now is pretty unsustainable. I would suggest finding a way to get smaller breaks in between so you don't have to resort to Diazepam, that doesn't sound like a great solution. Join a gym and go or get regular massages.

I exercise regularly (I probably average at least 10 hours a week).

I don’t think I ever really feel quite like that tbh. Sometimes I feel like I need 30 minutes to myself to go out for a run or something. I don’t ever feel like I need a night away.

I know what you mean OP, I have two kids with complex needs and I work - sometimes I just need a bit of headspace. I try to plan regular weekends where I don’t get caught up in housework etc even if I don’t get away. Sometimes you just need to be able to stop and not have anything on your “list” that needs doing. I’d be close to breakdown if I wasn’t able to just stop and rest occasionally- by which I mean every 6-8 weeks or so.

I've got way too much work on at the moment. I've been feeling like this for a while I've got about another month before things calm down. I'm hoping to get a bit if a break then

Sometimes you just need to be able to stop and not have anything on your “list” that needs doing. I’d be close to breakdown if I wasn’t able to just stop and rest occasionally

Oh I do completely agree with this. I guess I’m not that house proud which probably helps. I definitely rest in that respect every weekend - but I find eg pottering in the garden with DC or having another family over so all the parents chat while the kids play as a rest.

I'm not house proud at all but the mess does sometimes get me

Every day, as it happens I've not had a break in 4 years and I have two disabled kids.
I'd love a weekend away just to chill!

I am 50, in my 30s I took 1 three-month sabbatical and a 12-mth year out travelling (pre children) which was fantastic . Now, as a single parent working full time for 10 of the last 15yrs I feel totally burnt out. My concentration levels are shot, I flit between tasks but struggle to complete things, I'm tired and lethargic all the time, I exercise a couple of hours a week but have little energy. Pre Covid I felt alot more 'together' but now it just feels like a slog. I am due a sabbatical in 2025 but until then it's just usual annual leave and I don't feel a week off here and there is enough to recharge. Personally I feel like a full month out every 5yrs would be hugely beneficial for mental health, work productivity and retention, etc. I would love to see more companies offer this (ours does for senior staff).

Every few months (3 or 4) we each take DS to his grandparents for the weekend while the other gets the weekend alone. It's very much needed and gives the other person time to properly rest and unwind.