Friend DCs reading my texts and replying

[Primrosefrill]

Do you let your DCs read your text or WhatsApp messages and even reply?

Twice now I’ve messaged two different friends and their DC (aged 6-8) has been on the phone and has read my messages and replied. One time it caused a misunderstanding because of their reply which was really rude and blunt. Friend laughed it off.

Is this the norm?

It's ridiculous! Would you let your children read your emails or your post? No. So they shouldn't have your phone much less be reading messages. Your friends are wrong. You would be right to stop messaging them although that's a bit nuclear. Call them instead?

My friend allows her kids and husband to reply to her messages- I just don’t bother messaging her now.

No seems very odd to me. My DD replies to some specific messages - for example from her Guide Leader- but makes sure to say its from her. But I don't allow her to read just anything and she certainly wouldn't respond without me seeing the message.

I wouldn't allow them to respond deliberately but surely it's just that they're on their phone and replied without their permission?

I don't think it's the norm, I'd be really put off texting a friend if that were happening more than once.

No, not normal.

stepping way over boundaries.

It’s not on. A text is a private conversation between two people - unless it’s a group chat.

Similar to thinking you’re having a private conversation on the phone then being told you’re on speaker phone and there are other people there.

Stop texting them anything at all other than basic factual info you need to exchange.

I'd be furious if my friends allowed anyone access to their phone that enabled them to read my messages.

Likewise I hate it when I discover that someone's had their phone on speaker when in a call with me, and their partner has been listening in.

I've reached the point where I won't discuss anything remotely private by message OR phone call unless I absolutely trust that the friend's respect for people's privacy is the same as mine.

I'd be furious if my friends allowed anyone access to their phone that enabled them to read my messages.

This seems a little odd to me. IME most parents let their kids use their phones sometimes, and since messaging apps aren't locked this naturally means they could technically access the messages. I would tell them not to read them and certainly tell them not to send any messages. But I think by default we should probably all assume people's kids will use their phones and could in theory see their messages.

Occasionally I might ask DC to send a specific message to say "we're on our way" or something but never a chatty message. And they'd never read my messages unless I asked them to (I have done previously when driving for example and trying to coordinate meeting someone).

Ok good it’s not just me then! I was really quite annoyed, I message all kind of personal stuff to my friends on the understanding it’s private. Would never let my own DCs read my messages - just feel like it’s crossing so many boundaries!

IMO it’s like rifling through someone’s handbag - you just don’t do it, bcos it’s private. Even young kids can understand that