Need a handhold - unexpected death of a colleague

[mangoamango]

Posting in chat for traffic. Sorry in advance if this is upsetting to anyone. I don't really know why I'm posting, I just need to get this off my chest I think.

I found out this afternoon that a colleague of mine was killed in a mountaineering accident last week. We didn't work directly together (based in completely different cities) but we were fairly close as i was mentoring him on his path to the role that I have.

Obviously, when I found out I was shaken but then one of the people in my office (who didn't know him) realised that he had heard about the accident on the news over the weekend so I stupidly looked up articles on the internet. That led me to find out that investigators believe that he and his guide fell 600m on their way back down from the summit. Now I just can't get that out of my head. Every time I close my eyes, i think about that clever, funny, popular 28 year old, who must have been elated from his climb falling and falling and falling, wondering if he realised what was happening.

I didn't know his family and none of my local colleagues knew him. I knew a lot of the people he worked with in his city so we've been sending each other supportive messages but I just feel so overwhelmed right now.

A few years ago a woman we’d met, who had been amazing for DD and really encouraged her in lots of ways (almost like a mentor, but not so formal) died in a trail running accident while on holiday. She wasn’t found for a few days, and again the manner of her death was quite upsetting and lead me to wonder how much awareness she would have had, in her last moments, of what was happening.

time was the main thing that helped, and understanding that feeling shocked about what had happened was a normal part of the grieving process.

I would also write to the family. My DM was killed in tragic circumstances and things like that really meant a lot to me.
Maybe also make a donation to mountain rescue in his memory if you are able.

I think what you're feeling is normal. I had two similar things happen- a colleague that I wasn't close to died of an aggressive form of cancer very suddenly. He went from seemingly well to dead in six weeks. It's no exaggeration to say that I was walking into doors with shock when he went. It was very odd. The other experience was a girl I went to school with- someone who was loosely a friend but not close, we went to one another's birthday parties in our teens and were loosely in the same friendship group, but far from best friends- who died in a freak accident while travelling. I read about it in a newspaper at work in the break area and literally said "fucking hell!" Out loud. It was like being punched in the stomach. Again, was walking into doors. I burst into tears that evening when out for dinner with my now-husband. I felt mad as I hadn't seen her for probably five years, but it really upset me.

So basically I think whatever you feel is fine and normal. It's shock at the end of the day.

The shock of someone dying unexpectedly is really hard. My friend died in a freak accident a few months ago and I walked about in a total bubble for that first week.
Im sure your colleague was having a fantastic time up until that moment, so try and hold on to that.

I am so sorry for your loss xx

Just to clarify: I merely suggested trying active distraction techniques to avoid intrusive thoughts becoming entrenched. I mentioned EMDR because (simplisticly speaking) it is about reprogramming your brain through distraction to make traumatic memories less traumatic - to me, using active distraction to avoid traumatic memories/ thoughts forming in the first place seemed similar to this. (I imagine OP would also welcome a break from these thoughts at the moment as well.) I was an indirect witness to a horrific event myself years ago and definitely suffered from invasive thoughts and upsetting memories afterwards. I would say OP's experience is much closer to home than mine, so she might want to consider ways of protecting her mental wellbeing. Anyway, that was my thinking behind my post.

OP, I am sorry if my post was insensitive. I hope you managed to get through today. Thinking of you xxx

What an awful thing to happen. I remember a work colleague did in less horrific circumstances (though still terrible for her family). She was going through the menopause and had terrible headaches. Apparently it is not that uncommon. Cannot remember exactly what she died of but it was because of the headaches. She was such a lovely lady. I loved her talking about her twin sons who still lived at home. Their rock music would be blaring out but she wasn't bothered unlike her husband who grumbled.

She told me of a time they went to Wembley by taxi to see Kiss in full Kiss makeup!