Relocation to another country

[icecreamisforwintertoo]

I'm tying myself up in knots over whether we should relocate (temporarily) for my husbands job or not. He has the option of a multi year assignment in Europe after which point we’d return to the UK but would need to move to a different area for schools. I’d need to give up my job and we’d rent out our house.

The children would be Y4 and Y6 when we leave and the eldest would be rejoining secondary in Y9 in UK. I feel very torn about disrupting the kids (and my!) life - vs the career opportunity for my husband and the experience for us all.
does anyone have experiences (positive / negative) of relocating with children of a similar age they would like to share?

Their current school is good - although we don’t love the area we live in and wouldn’t necessarily return here, we’re settled with a nice house, local friends. I have a decent job although not totally happy there at the moment so would be looking to change soon anyway. And our eldest child is quite anxious (possible neurodiversity?) although bright and capable, youngest less so but quite sensitive. Both have good circles of friends and have been at the same school since 5.

They'd have the option of good schools whilst away, and we’d be supported financially although would need to weigh up my loss of income. Hopefully I’d be able to do some work abroad.

the location isn’t too far to come back for weekends to visit family etc

I’m feeling overwhelmed by the prospect of it at the moment and the potential impact on the children so keen to know if anyone’s done this and how it went! I’ve been quite negative about it to my dh but feel bad as it’s something I think he really wants to do - but wouldn’t if I said no.

I appreciate locations make a difference but am trying not to give too much away!

I think overall it sounds rather positive a great job for DH, you would be leaving an area/job you are not totally happy with. The kids' ages are just about ok, if they would be returning to Y7 and Y9 I wouldn't move around after that. Or perhaps you'll really love it and want to stay abroad?

BUT the specific country does make a big difference so it would help if you share that, it can't be too outing : )

Otherwise all anyone can say really is that it depends how you feel about it. If we knew the country we could advise better (e.g. I've lived in France and Germany, if you suspect your eldest is ND then I would only go if they will be in an international school, though that's just my opinion of course).

Sorry please ignore the random cross-out up there!

Hard to say, eg if it's Ireland, no new language and due to the common travel area you can transfer your prsi contributions back to the UK for a contributary pension for example. Or if it's not Ireland, would your children go to an English speaking school, or would your H's salary cover the fees for an International school?

I've done it several times. But... we decided long ago it was Primary school only. The In Years admissions process on return to the UK was extremely stressful... one of our children didn't have any school place (not just one we didn't like) for half a term. You would miss the whole applications window for your youngest as well.

The actual living in different countries bit was great. DDs are a lot more open minded, confident and independent than many of their friends who haven't had the same experiences. But they have been slightly affected educationally despite the great schools they attended (5 for eldest, four for youngest)

I think you want to find out as much information as you can about schools in the location - do you like them, can you afford them etc. Not all international schools are excellent, but they do all tend to be expensive.

I lived in Germany and Spain pre-kids as well as countries outside of Europe and met many families who were very internationally mobile with happy, well-adjusted children so I think it’s very workable.

The families who found it the hardest were generally those in which the ‘trailing partner’ didn’t settle easily. On that basis I’d have a bit of a think about the impact on you and what you would want to get out of it. Also, how does your DH view it? He really needs to value the contribution you’re making by enabling the move and not check out of domestic life because he’s working and you’re not (at least initially).

We moved to Madrid for 3 years for DH's work. DC were Y1 and Y5. I was very very reluctant, but it turned out to be the best thing we've ever done.

*year 5

It's right and understandable that your focus is on how the children will cope but don't forget to consider the impact on your career too. Do you work in a sector where you can take a few years out and then return? Would there be any possibility of you working whilst abroad, perhaps remotely or on a freelance basis?

Thank you for your comments & honest feedback! It’s really good to hear from people who’ve done it and potential pitfalls/advantages. It’s an Eastern European country although I appreciate that covers a large area still!

We would be able to send the children to international schools plus there is some choice.
@PuttingDownRoots I am concerned about getting school places on our return though (and ideally at the same school!).

I could take a career break - it would have an impact on my future earnings but on the other hand I’ve worked constantly since leaving uni (apart from mat leave) and could possibly even get a career break from my job, if approved. I’d personally prefer to work in some capacity though, even if it didn’t bring in much money.

It’s such a difficult decision isn’t it. Like pp, we went for it and it was the best thing we did as a family. We’ve actually been on three work postings now, the first time before dc.

The downside was my career stalled but although I love my job (science), I was never particularly ambitious.

We were offered a further posting but turned it down to return to the uk to finish secondary schooling. Have to say I regret that now and my dc never really settled back are making their own plans to study abroad. We won’t stay in uk long term.

I too was concerned about school places on our return. Someone in the council told us about Fair Access Protocol which was invaluable. Both DC got places in the schools we wanted in the end.

Make sure eldest doesn't miss choosing their GCSEs otherwise they'll just be given courses that aren't full. My friend had this experience and couldn't get her son into a GCSE he was desperate to do (his only interest).