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Bullying or Bant?

3 replies

SpringNotSprung · 05/06/2023 10:21

I am old now with grown up children but when I was a child my stepfather used to say the following things - just some examples below:

I used to bite my lip, probably nerves looking back. "No man will ever want to kiss you".

Constantly calling me candles (links with a very snotty nose). I didn't have a snotty nose.

Telling me I was a miserable funny girl because I didn't laugh along with his insults.

Telling me no man would ever want me because I was serious, bookish, and didn't laugh enough. As well as finding fault with all my imperfections: fine hair, glasses, crooked tooth, fat thighs, etc.

Calling my friends: ugly, fat, feral and saying I'd have better friends if I was more popular, one of the girls, etc.

I had very low self esteem in my 20s and it wasn't until I had my own children that I realised I would never do or say anything purposefully to hurt them.

But would it have been better if I'd just laughed along and gone with the flow, been more like the majority and spent my time hanging out with the cool girls? My mother played along and told me I had no sense of humour.

FWIW I'm still in touch with my friends and they are all successful women who have seen much of the world.

OP posts:
RailwayCutting · 05/06/2023 10:28

He was bullying you. That's not banter. Bet he wouldn't have laughed it off as banter if someone insulted his appearance that much and he was an adult. You were a vulnerable and impressionable child

Daisybuttercup12345 · 05/06/2023 10:29

What a horrible man.
Be yourself . He was a bully.

ThankYouMama · 05/06/2023 10:30

That's bullying, I despise bullies. 🤗

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