Why can't men search properly?

[HazelBite]

I have 4 sons and DH. All of them seem incapable of finding their keys, phones, wallets etc. the "lost" items seem to be sitting in plain sight but they bluster around not seeing what is completely in front of them.
Case in point, I was out yesterday walking my neighbours dog and I realised I didn't have my glasses, (normally they would be in my bag with the dog treats) I didn't know if I'd dropped them when crawling through a fence or left them at home. I called DH and told him of the problem and asked him to look by my lap top and check the bathroom for me otherwise I would have to retrace my steps of my walk!
He called me back, he had searched extensively where I said, no luck. 2.5 hours later after retracing my steps I returned home.
Yes they were on the table next to the laptop! His excuse, well they weren't in a glasses case so he didn't notice them!
There are so many more examples that I could mention, is it just my family or are other men like this?

They can, they just know if they pretend they are shit at it, someone else will do it for them.

I have a new tactic for this, I refuse to help look until they've "looked with their hands", if they actually pick stuff up and look underneath things they're more likely to find it. God only knows why.

I dunno, Ive looked for my phone, using the torch on my phone before now....

I do say that unless it jumps up and down shouting I'm here, the men in the house would struggle a bit

Yesterday DH called me in from the garden to say he couldn't find the Suncream where I said it was.
I stood next to him by the dresser and was looking straight at it asking him was he sure he couldn't find it... he was adamant it wasn't there and then watched me slowly pick it up and give it to him.

His excuse was that it didn't look like a Suncream bottle ( it was a new one ) despite it having Factor 50 plastered on the front, how was he supposed to think that was what I mentioned.

How silly of me to expect my husband to read.

You are so right- my H asked where a particular t shirt was that he wanted to take away- it was in the pile of ironing that he had just taken from me and he had just packed.

I am always being accused of 'moving things too' when I haven't touched them

My DH can't find it even if I'm pointing directly at the item.

Ah yes, man looking. Happens at ours all the time. I don’t think it’s strategic incompetence though as it’s often done for things he wants / needs, like wallet or car keys. The few times I get up to help they’ll be somewhere glaringly obvious where he’s just “looked”. Bizarre, but definitely a thing!

Sometimes I HAVE moved things, to the agreed “this is where your piles of crap will be when you can’t find them” spot we’ve agreed on. So, eg, DP will leave his sunglasses on the drying up rack (why? Who knows). I will, when tidying, put them in The Agreed Bowl Of Things That Is Always In The Same Place. The counters and surfaces will be clear so it’s obvious things are not there, they are in the places they live. He will race around the house checking everywhere except two places:

The agreed place
The place where he left them (the drying rack)

Then accuse me of moving them from somewhere else entirely. “I left them on the stairs to take up to my wardrobe!” Mmm, OK, but you didn’t.

Men don't find things because women move them from where they were left.

Same here.
I used to be literally the only one who found things.
Even if I give a really detailed explanation of where I last saw someone's lost item,.... nope its definitely not there....I go and look and guess what ....99% of time it is there!

However now if DC (teens) can't find something, they'll say mum I've lost <insert item>
I'll say have you looked in x, y or z place
Yes
So if i come and look there, I definitely won't find it....?
That usually prompts a more thorough look and often they find it.

If I lose something though, literally everyone will shrug (DH usually denies all knowledge of ever seeing of said item) and spend 0.0001 second "helping" me look!

They don't bother because they expect someone else to facilitate their needs. In other words: you.

Do what I do. Next time one of them loses something and they ask you if you know where it is, say "I dunno" and don't lift a finger to help (well unless you do know, in which case tell them where to look).

The other problem of course, is that they look but they don't see.

@bussteward ha, so very true. I also have an agreed place for piles of 'stuff' - my H is really clean but bloody messy

This drives me mad! Not my DP so much, probably because I don't live with him, so I just laugh and tell him he was "man looking" when I find the thing he's spent ages looking for.

But my sons! I tell them where the thing is. Exactly where it is. I don't want to move my arse off the sofa to find the thing they need. But they can't find it. I tell them several times where exactly it is and to go and look again. And again. And again. Finally I get up and go into the room and pick up the thing which is exactly where I told them it was and turn into a ranting mad woman!

How did they not see it? How? Was it invisible and only revealed itself when I walked in the room? Do I have special finding powers? Is that the special talent I've been searching for my whole life?

My first step of looking is to sit down and think about the places they're likely to be.

Baffles my husband every time how I can stand up and usually go straight to the right location whilst he's still looking for something he used yesterday under a pile of things he hasn't moved for months.

A man look🙄

Glad it's not just me that gets this! DH will search through a heap of papers and not find the one he's looking for. I'll look and find it, because I actually look properly.
My piece de resistance was with a male friend - hadn't seen him for months and went round. He answered the door and said he was looking for his keys. I walked into his front room and noticed the sofa throw was all rucked up. Pulled it - and the keys flew out 🙂
Mind you, one time I was driving back from somewhere and went cold as I realised I hadn't put my keys in my bag. Pulled over to have a proper look and realised they were in the car ignition - duh!

My husband regularly does what is known in our house as " man looking " A few years ago I had just come out of hospital after a serious spinal operation and my husband asked me what I would like for a snack. Honey on toast was my reply. I then heard a lot of cupboard doors opening and closing. "Err we have no honey" he said. As I had bought a new jar only a few days previously and he doesn't like honey. I was absolutely positive that we did . A bit more opening and closing of cupboards went on. Then came a shout no definitely no honey. I pulled myself up and slowly made my way into the kitchen using a walker. The large jar of honey that I instantly found was apparently " hiding" behind an oxo cube and I dont even mean the red box of oxo cubes, it was a single cube .

Hilariously, this morning DD4 was asking out loud where her sunglasses were. Automatically I replied “Try looking in the playroom” whereupon she LOST HER SHIT: stomped to find them then bellowed “You didn’t let me practice my looking eyes! I was just talking to myself and you told me where to look! I need to practice!” So something is sinking in and I shall endeavour to remain silent from now on.

It’s an unfashionable explanation - biology - but a strong ring of truth IMO.

I feel everyone's pain. Our bin night is Thursday and I suffer the agony of DH (who does the bins as one of the few jobs around the house he will perform unprompted) rifling through the fridge to see if any absolutely unrescuable last bits of leftovers need to go into the food waste bin (we're pretty good about using stuff up but there’s usually something).

EVERY SODDING TIME he declares 'there was nothing else in the fridge to go in the green bin so I’ve put it out for collection.'

I look in there and within 0.2 of a nanosecond I see about 4 things sitting in plain sight.

How does this happen? How??

We call it boys look, and I confess that even though I'm a woman I do sometimes do the boys look.