DD 10.5 sadness when falling asleep

[TookTheBook]

DD age 10 has always slept well. Now most evenings when trying to get to sleep she comes down to us either bawling crying or just telling us she feels really sad or scared.

We've asked her when she's upset and separately during the day if she's worried about anything or if she's thinking about anything that sets it off but she says no, she says it's just an overwhelming feeling. She's very articulate and honest so we don't think there is anything but we've left that door open, saying she can tell us anything. Nothing particularly new or different in our lives right now to explain it. She's in year 5 so it's probably not thinking about secondary school yet for example.

She's tall for her age so I wonder if it's hormones. Has anyone else experienced this?

I had this at about her age. Like a giant hole in my chest yawned open every night. Just sadness, and a massive heartbreaking black hole. I think it was generally that my life wasn't full of magic and adventures like books and films said it would be for me. And that felt so depressing.

I think it's just the horrible move from very young childhood into a slightly older age where you can recognise realism and the world a bit more as it is. And it feels ugly.

Lots of good advice here already.
Maybe try a weighted blanket? My DD sleeps much better with one. Bedtime is a liminal space and I think lots of kids fill it with the worries and anxieties of the day.

From a child developmental point of view, it’s the age when they move from being very concrete in their thinking to being more aware of the world around them and more flexible in thinking, they literally start to understand the world differently which can be very unsettling. Both my two had a phase of being upset/unsettled at night at that age - they just need comfort and reassurance.

I was struggling at this age too. I don't know what the reason was- hormones? Anyway, I was really, really sad around nighttime and I wanted to be with my parents. Frustration on my mum's face when I was spoiling their evening by not sleeping and feeling down- I will never forget it.

I have this myself, especially when I'm over tired (/hormonal) when I go to bed, and my 9yo DS also suffers. I tend to suddenly get irrational fear or sadness just before sleeping, so does he (although mine involve fewer killer robots - lol).

I tell him that we have like a "rational force field" that keeps scary, but unlikely, thoughts at bay during the day. But when you're falling asleep it has to "power down" to let your dreams out and sometimes if it "turns off" a bit early then it lets the irrational fears out.

It's obviously not scientific, but acknowledges the fear as a real one, whilst also dismissing it as "accidentally let out". He's normally fine after a cuddle (and for me - after 'resetting' by getting up and going to bed again).

Agree with others that a cuddle and a reset of going to bed often help. And that it's quite normal for unwanted thoughts to escape when you're over tired / on cusp of sleeping.

Thank you so much everyone. It sounds like we are doing the right thing by reassuring her. And good to hear it's normal.