Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Is my DH “hurried” behaviour normal?

26 replies

StepsInTime · 04/06/2023 19:12

If we go to the cinema/theatre, he wants to sit by the aisle so we (he) can be first to leave. If we are on the tube, he wants to order the Uber even before we’ve pulled into our station. Do many people do this?

OP posts:
onthefence23 · 04/06/2023 19:31

Oh god this is my mum!! She's lovely but suffers some general anxiety particularly around being late and held up, also panics at traffic! She would also be edging towards the aisle as soon as the final action scene gets going

Isthisexpected · 04/06/2023 19:35

This reminds me of a friend from college. We used to miss the en core of gigs etc because she'd be desperate to be first out. It was tedious.

NuffSaidSam · 04/06/2023 19:36

I think some people are like this and some people aren't. I'd say it's within normal range. Quite annoying though!

honeylulu · 04/06/2023 19:51

My son was like this, he's relaxed a bit now (now 18). We used to call him Hurry Muffin. It annoyed me sometimes because he never seemed to enjoy the moment, it was always about focusing on the next thing while the original thing was still going on.

Orbitsound · 04/06/2023 20:00

It's not normal. My dad has always done it, it's actually quite controlling as it takes anyone else's choice away.

Gradually we all stopped going out with him because it just spoiled things.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 04/06/2023 20:02

It sounds like anxiety, I can be like this sometimes as I have anxiety that I need to be able to get out in an emergency or if I need the loo!

These days I'm much more relaxed about it though and I definitely wouldn't impose my stupid anxiety on anyone else.

Takemyselfdancing · 04/06/2023 20:06

Loads of people do that at football matches. They leave about half an hour early and miss the final score! What’s the point?!

Random789 · 04/06/2023 20:07

Lots of people are like ths; lots of people aren't. It isn't fair to label one or the other as 'not normal'.

HeadNorth · 04/06/2023 20:07

My DH can be like this, I’m always having to tell him to chill and enjoy the moment. It is just a bit of anxiety/ nerves, I accept it as part of his personality (although not a part I especially like!)

Mariposista · 04/06/2023 20:09

I know people who do this and it annoys the heck out of me. I Would make a point of moving extra slowly so that they have to wait.

Giraffestail · 04/06/2023 20:10

I used to be like this. It’s stress/anxiety related (I was never diagnosed with either). I hated being late and was always getting onto the next thing. I didn’t enjoy or even really understand ‘living in the moment’.

I had something very traumatic happen to me a year or two ago and im pretty sure I had a breakdown (again not diagnosed). I had an horrendous year. I cannot describe how bad I felt. I worked and functioned as normally as possible to outsiders but I did the bare minimum outside of that. The positive outcome was that this being in the moment issue disappeared and luckily has not yet returned. I think it’s because I could not look at the past (it upset me) and the future was so uncertain for me the only place I could be was in the present. I meditated like crazy at the time. I Wouldn’t wish it on anyone but I think it solved my issue.

Daffodilwoman · 04/06/2023 20:14

My ex used to do this. We always had to leave before the end of a concert so that we could rush to the car and not get stuck in the car park for ages.
I went to a football match with him once and we left before the end, again so that we could rush to the car and get straight off.
Strangely enough he never rushed away from his parents when we had to visit them!

tailinthejam · 04/06/2023 20:22

I get a bit claustrophobic in crowds, so don't much like getting caught up in the Great Exodus when leaving somewhere after it finishes, so I either like to be first out, or to wait until the rush is over.

When we are seeing something in London though, whether we need to rush off depends on how much time we have to get to the station before the last train leaves.

Timeturnerplease · 04/06/2023 20:28

This is DH. He’s calmed down a bit now we have small children, but sometimes has to stop and breathe for a moment when we’ve agreed to leave the house at a certain time and the children are still running around half dressed.

It’s only really an issue when travelling now. The rest of the time we just roll our eyes at him. He isn’t controlling or bossy about it though.

Original poster
StepsInTime · 04/06/2023 20:32

That’s quite sobering

OP posts:
Original poster
StepsInTime · 04/06/2023 20:33

That was a reply to Orbit

OP posts:
KezzaMucklowe · 04/06/2023 20:37

I sit in an aisle seat so I can get to the toilet easily and would order an uber on a train so I don't have to wait around in the station.
I don't think either of those have a huge impact on anyone else tbh.
I wouldn't say I'm always hurrying but I dislike dawdling.

FatCatBum · 04/06/2023 20:45

I can be like this, particularly at gigs in places like the O2 where 1,000s people are funnelling into one tube station and we only have a short amount of time to get to the last train out of London or we need to wait until the following morning 🤷‍♀️

PaperSheet · 04/06/2023 20:51

My mum used to tell stories of my dad being like that. Already trying to huckle her out of a restaurant while she was still swallowing her last mouthful etc. Trying to leave the cinema before the credits had started. One time they'd gone to watch a horror film and he thought it was over so was half standing and there was a huge jump scare just before the credits started and apparently he jumped so much and practically screamed. My mum would tell that story for 50 years. She'd always remind him of that whenever he tried to rush things! He did manage to stop coming across so rushed as he got older but you could still see he wanted to! But he learned not to show it!

GracePalmer33 · 04/06/2023 21:06

My husband is like this. He's just impatient and (sometimes) grumpy and hates waiting. its not an anxiety or nerves thing for him. I have to tell him to back off with it a lot because it gets really tiring constantly being on a schedule/have a deadline for everything for no reason.

Original poster
StepsInTime · 04/06/2023 21:37

Thank you all for your replies. The reply to individual posts is not working for me. Long time lurker but only recently started posting so I guess I’m doing something wrong.

I’ve read all your replies. It’s good to know there are other people who experience this. Will try to be more tolerant around his anxiety (while still standing my ground when it really matters to me).

OP posts:
burnoutbabe · 04/06/2023 21:47

FatCatBum · 04/06/2023 20:45

I can be like this, particularly at gigs in places like the O2 where 1,000s people are funnelling into one tube station and we only have a short amount of time to get to the last train out of London or we need to wait until the following morning 🤷‍♀️

Yes I do it at 02. Leave right at the final song to get headstart on crowd to the tube -also go east 1 stop to then get tube back with a seat into London.

Davros · 04/06/2023 22:10

I hate being late but I don't do this

waltzingparrot · 04/06/2023 22:30

Yes, DH does this. Sometimes he puts in a little run for a yard or two to save 1 or 2 seconds on our journey time 🙄

TheChosenTwo · 04/06/2023 22:38

Dh used to be a bit like this (ready to leave before things had actually finished) but I told him once that I didn’t want to go to something with him because he’d try and hurry us out before it had finished and instead I booked to go with friends. And stayed right until the end, we walked for a bit and then got a taxi back to our hotel no bother.
Now he’s better about it but still twitchy when we travel anywhere on holiday. I sigh and lot at him and sometimes just tell him to chill the fuck out and stop bossing everyone around. He’s fine when we get there but he hates not having any control over whether there’s traffic delaying us or whether the train is running late etc. I mean, no one’s a big fan of thinking they’re going to miss check in for a flight are they but we always allow plenty of time and there’s no reason to be quite so concerned about it. I find it tedious!