My parents divorce is a shambles

[BunnyBlue]

My parents separated and remained separated for a long time and they were both apathetic when it came to legal things and they never divorced. My father was an alcoholic when I was small and during their marriage. He stayed an alcoholic too.

Then something came out. He was in debt.

My mother applied for legal aid in 2017. 6 years ago. She was granted the legal aid quickly. She began the divorce procedure. She used to get me to help her with her forms. Also for reading her letters. She knows how to read. I don't know, I suppose in case she missed anything in the letters.

She was provided with a hearing date in 2019 and she was advised the family home might have a court order for selling from the judge. She was approaching 70 at the time and she found that daunting. Without talking to anyone she asked her solicitor to stop the divorce.

It's been in that state sense than. There was a notice of trail made in 2019 but then she wanted it to stop.

My understanding of the situation now:

• the application is sitting on a back shelf of some court clerks office. Her legal aid solicitor continues to write one liner letters requesting for updates on her 'ex' husbands debt and on the housing issue.
• my understanding is that the application is in the court and its there for the other side to follow through with it, at some point if they so wish. It's been 4 years since the notice of trial went in. It's really not going to happen now.
• there was a deal struck up outside of the divorce and through a different solicitor to save the family home.
• my mother was advised twice already by debt advisors that the next step is the divorce.
• my mother is not really engaging with her solicitor any more. She won't pick up the phone and give her solicitor the go ahead on the divorce. When I asked her a few times since last year, about the divorce she dismisses me with a tale saying things like - he needs the divorce for marrying the new girlfriend. He has a new partner. But there is no marriage on the cards for them now or ever because she is still married and she is also sick. But in my mother's story, she claimed that she was walking down the aisle already. In my mother's mind she things the father is going to persue the divorce. But none of this is happening.

It's been 6 years of a journey and all of it has been a shambles with no end sight whatsoever. This is wrong. On so many levels. At this stage with not even a hearing date, it's a waste of resources. She me a letter a few weeks ago and I couldn't bear to look at it and help her any more.

It sounds like your mother can't be bothered or is too overwhelmed by the process. Ask her if she's overwhelmed and would like targeted help (that's you offering to help btw).

She might be waiting for your father to divorce her of course.

One thing you should explain to your mother though, last April the government brought in a "no fault" divorce and this doesn't require adultery, unreasonable behaviour or 5 years separation anymore which might have been the reasons for her stopping. Its supposed to be very straightforward. Have a read up on government website so you can explain the process to her.

If he dies does she get the house? (how is it held legally)
Is she the beneficiary of any life insurances?
Widows pension?

If so it may be worth her while just to stay married?

My father will never divorce her as it is. A courtroom is not a pub. He will never go forward with it.

If my mother isn't bothered by it any more, why is she still allowing this to continue. Her solicitor continues to send letters. Mainly one liners asking for updates. About one every 2 months. This has to stop. She should be stopping it if she doesn't want it any more. It's a waste of resources and taxpayers money paying for legal aid for a situation that now appears to be indefinite til the first one of them dies. Its maddness. Every so often the solicitor asks for some sort of paper work and my mother is useless with anything beyond a TV remote control so she gets me to do printing jobs and other jobs. It's too sickening now at this stage. If I knew that there was a definite end in sight to this, I would gladly help. Divorce, that's not even contested, going on for 6 years with no end in sight, is wrong. I think the solicitors are all too happy as well to sit back and continue this maddness because someone somewhere pays them.

Any time I ask my mother if she needs a hand (help), it's met with ranting and sarcasim and generally an abusive tone. No more.

I don't know about the house. He has a debt secured on the house and the organisation wants the matter dealt with through the divorce. They want a judge to rule on it. My mother was told 3 months ago that the divorce has to go ahead for the next step.
I doubt he paid into a pension. She has no contributory pension. Just the state pension.

I would double check she is still covered by legal aid after all this time. If not she might have signed something saying it will be paid out of house proceeds when sold. A solicitors letter is not cheap, think I've seen some threads say £250 for an email.

I can see why you are worried and fed up.

Eurgh, this sounds complicated. Can you try to write out the financial implications for both your Mum and Dad of not being divorced, and of being divorced? Can you speak to them about it?

^to work out

I would ask MN to move this to Legal, there are some solicitors who frequent that board who might be able to help, unless you are just venting...then vent away.

I think that might be impossible. I would pick up the phone myself but there is data protection stuff and her solicitor probably won't talk to me. She's not engaging with her solicitor at all. It's extremely infuriating. 6 years.