Can anyone help me with dealing with comments about weight loss/unraveling this?

[PandoraAdoreYa]

Im obese and basically always have been. My sibling was quite severely anorexic from when I was about 11-18. I have always struggled with IBS.
I've also always struggled with losing weight. I have crippling low self esteem and am fully aware of my failings with regard to my weight, please be kind.
About a year ago my IBS symptoms worsened considerably. I've had tests and nothing found. It does link timing wise to changes and stress at work. I had a few occasions of almost not making it to the toilet which made me a bit agoraphobic.
I cut out gluten and dairy which had a reasonable impact and gave me some leeway to go for walks which I did for my mental health to help with panic attacks. I really enjoy this.
Since March I have logged with an app everything I eat. In the last two years I have lost 18 kilos most of which has been since March of this year.
Still worth noting I am still obese, however it's obvious that I have lost weight.
I am finding it REALLY HARD to cope with the comments from people. I know they're meant well but I find it humiliating, embarrassing and I think it also makes me a bit kind of angry inside. I have been able to say thanks and change the subject quickly but people try to return to it. Everyone is congratulatory. I understand it's a good thing for me to lose weight, but it's arisen from a remarkable amount of stress in addition to my own efforts with excercise and diet. It's all bound up with my sibling and I am becoming aware that some of my weight loss habits are not healthy psychology.
I wish people wouldn't comment, it's too much, literally every day three or four people stop me at work to ask or congratulate me. I also have a big team meeting coming up with people I haven't seen for a while (we usually have yearly conferences now back after COVID) which I'm dreading because of this. I almost want to send an email out asking for no comments.
Is there a way of dealing with the comments? Do I need to suck it up? When does weight loss "success" become disordered? Does it matter? Can anyone shed some light?

"I know you mean well, but I'd really rather not talk about it thanks"

Then if it continues:

"Please stop commenting on my body"

@Magenta82 nailed it

I’m with you OP. No one should comment on another person’s weight loss or gain. the psychology of why and how is nuanced and can be triggering.

what I have done is mention that comments on my weight make me uncomfortable and that it’s rude or inappropriate to at least one person at work, or one person in my friendship group and let that float through the usual gossip channels. No one says anything now. The confidante discreetly manages it! Plus, confiding in one person gives you perspective. They may agree or give you advice on how people are well intentioned.

please don’t say rhe latter at work, folks will think you’re weird. And you’ll have different issues,

the first is ok though at a push. I’m never quite sure why rhe go to position on here is being arsey to someone who means well though. It’s like folks think being a bit if an arse is somehow cool. It’s not.

I don’t think the comments are rhe issue op, it’s your feelings about your situation, your weight etc, that you need to deal with.

you are obviously popular at work and people are just being nice, if 3 or 4 a day say it then you must be running out of people to say it, so it will come to a natural stop.

I think you'll just have to suck it up a little for a while, people will hopefully just comment once and thats it. A wow you look great is one thing but if someone starts asking you how you are doing it etc I'd say tell them nicely you don't want to talk about it. Being honest I think if you shut down the first congrats comment with a curt response people will be like oh she is very touchy, must be hangry, prefer her when she was fat etc etc and that would only add to more attention. I get where you are coming from, my weight fluctuates so much and the people who notice I've lost 10lbs will also be the ones who notice when I put it back on and it makes me paranoid.

One thing to think of is of everyone stopped commenting and no one ever noticed would this concern you?

I have known people get upset when people don't comment and also when people do

@Peonyfun that's lovely to say I'm popular, I think I just get about a bit as my job means I'm all over the whole office. I also thought it might peter out but the same people repeatedly comment?!
I need to be assertive but cannot afford to piss poeple off!

I understand that you don't like people commenting on your weight loss, which is quite normal and common, though other people of course do like it.

I wouldn't make too much of a fuss at work about it or people are more likely to gossip or think you are a bit weird. I would just say "thanks - but I don't really like talking about it" every time someone raises the topic. That will teach them soon enough not to keep mentioning it.

I'd just say, 'yes the stress diet does wonders'

I lost massive amounts of weight through illness and I understand how you feel. I was so unwell and people congratulating me for something that was terrifying me was just so upsetting. Eventually I got so thin that I was put on nutrition drinks and told the next step was a tube.
I used to tell people the truth , no this weight loss isn't a good thing , I'm sick and I can't stop it. It Eventually got to the stage where people began to be concerned and were then making me feel bad for being too thin. You just can never win with people

One thing I noticed about my weight loss was tge way people were much nicer to me than before. It was like when I was fatter they avoided me like a homeless person and once I was normal sized they smiled, acknowledged me, held doors etc. It really messed with my head for a while.

I came to realise that losts of people have an issue with weight, their own or other people's, I couldn't control them, only how I reacted, I do think you can work at not letting comments bother you and mentally that is the best thing to try, especially given your own and your family history.

I also think people shouldn't comment on other people's bodies, commenting on weight gain or loss is doing just that.

Maybe try to change your mindset a little. A lot of people struggle with their weight (men and women), even supposedly slim people, who've never been overweight, may have to calorie count, work out etc. just about every woman I've spoken to has had their own battle with self image, weight issues and has had to control their eating. So rather than thinking they are somehow judging you, maybe think they are genuinely pleased for you, admire you or are even a little jealous.

I've been skinny, slim and obese and if I ever comment that someone has lost weight, I genuinely mean it to be positive (and sometimes slightly jealous they've managed what I couldn't do)

I lost a lot of weight after giving birth and people's comments drove me mad- saying things like, "I'll have a baby if it drops off that fast!" The truth was I was extremely stressed, not sleeping, very tricky time, PTS from difficult birth. I was walking up and down all the time to try and stop colicky baby crying, day and night.
I didn't like the weight loss, it made me feel weak and small, so when people commented, it felt like a put down, even if their intentions were good.
I put it back on when my mental health was back to normal.
Now I'm a bit overweight but choosing to lose a bit through healthier eating, I don't mind people's comments, but I definitely understand why it's not appropriate to comment and don't comment on other peoples shape and size unless they're talking about it first.
Good luck and don't let the comments get to you. It's a complex thing, people can be oblivious if they've never given it any thought.

Well you are, because if they didn’t like you they’d say nothing. So they feel comfortable talking to uou, wish to make you feel good.

that’s why snippy comments back like “please stop commenting on my body” are just a dick move. In social interactions uou need to understand intent as well as words. People are complimenting you, trying to make you feel good. It isn’t being done to fuck uou off. I would try to bear that in mind.

I lost a lot of weight years ago and hated people mentioning it. I found it embarrassing. It made me feel like they were monitoring my body and that my previous weight must have been offensive to them. That may not have been reality but that's how it made me feel.

I wish I'd had the confidence to say, "please don't comment on my body, it makes me feel uncomfortable".

It's a tough one. I was way into the obese category bmi wise and lost around 3.5 stone before becoming pregnant.

Everyone and I mean everyone commented. At times my weight loss was not healthy and I definitely did develop some disordered eating habits around it at one point.

Even while being pregnant I continued to lose weight due to a number of factors. Heavily pregnant and I was still below my heaviest weight and had loads of comments about how silm I looked.

It was uncomfortable at first and like you felt the same way. It made me realise that others actually did see me as fat/overweight etc. It was something even though I knew I was I didn't want to admit or have anyone else acknowledge it.

Instead of fighting against it, I embraced it. Realising that ppl do care and have noticed I had made positive life changes. Every comment I take as a compliment now and a little celebration that I'm healthier and ultimately happier in myself and general outlook on life. I feel better than I have for years with so much more energy. I think that's what ppl are really commenting on.

Losing weight, gaining weight (if needed), shedding an addiction or any positive life change can be seen and sensed by the wider world around us. And, now I personally enjoy the sense of celebration and congratulations. Maybe try to embrace it and give yourself a huge well done for what you've achieved so far