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How I can stop worrying unnecessarily about money

7 replies

lollylew · 03/06/2023 23:25

We aren’t rich but we are comfortable, earning probably the UK average income each. We have a modest home and lifestyle. Yet I am worried senseless about money. I picture either of us losing our jobs and not having any money spare for fun, and imagine how fed up and devastated I would feel if my card ever declines or I find myself without.

The anxiety around finances is prohibitive in the sense of it stops me from buying myself new clothes that I need and makes me ruminate about how much money we will need in 5 years, 10 years and beyond and I feel the need to sit down and budget for things that are way into the future. I worry about not being able to support our grown DC with getting onto the property ladder and through university.

I have never had economic instability, if anything I myself was overindulged materially through childhood - so not sure what has brought this on. We have a good family and everyone would rally round if anyone fell upon hard times, as that’s what families do. I try to turn worry into productivity and always donate to food banks and suchlike but does anyone else feel this way ever?

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IamSlave · 03/06/2023 23:34

Yes we did until we did a proper budget and set aside money for different things... Eg once all bills paid we have weekly money to saving, long and short term.
Weekly month for holiday, Xmas etc.. Petrol. Every penny every month is pinned down..

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IamSlave · 03/06/2023 23:35

So once saving and such is account for the rest is for fun.

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LipService · 03/06/2023 23:55

Are you taking too much responsibility for the future, when you seem v comfortable in the present as you say. Is it ‘catastrophising’? Re. your adult children, again too much responsibility on your shoulders? It’s nice if you can financially support them when they’re starting out but it’s not a given. More important that they know you care in other ways I think. Maybe a good way to look at it is a couple of savings goals or baselines - everything after that can be used for enjoyment whatever it is you enjoy most. I sometimes stress over money, for various reasons, but life is also for living in the here and now …

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lollylew · 04/06/2023 00:09

LipService · 03/06/2023 23:55

Definitely catastrophising, 100%. I don’t have to worry about adult children needing house deposit support for 20-30 years. Haha

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RosesAndHellebores · 04/06/2023 00:16

I had a very comfortable childhood op and did well at work Married for more than 30 years, grown up children. Very comfortable.

Even so, I like my little pots of money and always have even ore monza. Main account, bills account Christmas account, car account holiday fund account, household/maintenance account. First of they month the dd's go out of the main account, into the other accounts.

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OctaviaPole · 04/06/2023 02:22

I do similar and it drives DH nuts. I think it is part of my general anxiety and a little bit because I like to be in control. I do try and relax and also try and count my blessings. My kids have all the essentials and plenty of extras and I need to stop thinking I'm letting them down because I haven't bought houses for them or saved house deposits. It is tricky though and the current economic situation doesn't help reassure me. Sorry I can't help OP but I understand how you feel.

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MermaidMummy06 · 04/06/2023 02:50

I am like this. I learned a lot about myself & how my personality relates to my relationship with money via the Enneagram personality test. I did an in person course & it included how money affected us. Really eye opening.

It's not woo-woo or putting people in a box. It helped me to understand I'm a conservative type that worries about future money to a point it affects our lives negatively.

Once I understood, I had to balance it out - I made sure we had savings & lived frugally, but put money aside for our dream - travelling - and USED that money. Knowing we had a cushion and specific money for that purpose, and not wanting to regret not travelling for money security fear was my motivation to let go a little. It was hard work. I will always have that fear but can work around it to ensure we still enjoy life.

I was talking to DH last week & said if we'd kept following the fear path we'd be quite well off. We're still doing well & have enough money if there's a need, but I'll never regret the choice to push past my fear. Life isn't a rehearsal. No point being old & secure if you haven't enjoyed life!