How to manage children acting spoilt/ungrateful

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Firstly just to say 6 year old DD is generally very sweet and I know she feels grateful for things- for example we got her a new bike and she’s been thrilled with it and grateful but she’s not a gushy hug-y child at all.

But recently she’s come across as demanding and ungrateful at times and I hate it. Today we went out with her grandparents to a park- there was a funfair though so he Nan kindly paid for some tokens. She went on the rides then asked for a toy, then another ride. Eventually we left and she mithered for an ice cream (it was 10:30am!) although I told her we would have one after the picnic later.

She had the ice cream, bit more playing but on the way out asked for another ice cream (obviously no!). I asked her to say thank you for all the treats and she said ‘thank you’ but in a sort of jokey insincere way. I think she gets uncomfortable when put on the spot but a sincere thank you is a minimum I think.

I spoke to her in the car about gratitude and not always asking for more, about how lucky she is etc. and the importance of saying thank you. Hopefully it sunk in a bit but any advice? Will she grow out of it? How best to manage? Just keep encouraging a sincere thank you and set expectations beforehand?

I wouldn’t say ‘say thank you’ I would say ‘Have you forgotten to say something?’

I would also ask her what would happen if she forgets her manners (I.e no more treats) and see what she says - it’s easier if they know what the consequences are for forgetting

You can help her by role playing good behaviour at home, you be granny and she can be the child then switch - you be the child and she can be the granny. You can show her how it's done that way. Then, when you're going out, remind her of what's expected of her. The more you practise and talk about it, the more ingrained it becomes.

How about you don't give in to all her demands?

You most likely are polite etc to others in front of your daughter but could make a real point of talking about all the things you are greatful for (small and large). Make it part of your routine e.g. Before dinner or at bedtime. I'm sure your daughter will jump in and want to share what she has been grateful for that day

Manage expectations before leaving the house. We were always taught it was rude to ask for things, but my youngest brother would ‘hint’ as in ‘oh look at that boy who has a lolly. I wish I had a lolly. Lollies are so nice aren’t they? If I had a lolly I’d have a calypo’ god it was irritating 😂

Honestly though we didn’t have a huge amount of money growing up so when things were treats, they truly were treats. We never expected anything. If treats are a big part of normal life then this can be the result. It’s very wearing to have to listen to demands. I wouldn’t give in to something that was constantly hinted at or asked for. I might even change my mind and say no if for example I said ‘we’ll get an ice cream after lunch’ and I was constantly reminded about said ice cream.

To be honest my oldest DS has always been really demanding and whether it is something we consistently said no about, or something we occasionally say yes about he will continue to demand. Sometimes it's ludicrous like we could be sitting down to a dinner I made and he would ask if we could drive to McDonald's instead and then get really shitty with me for saying no. It's really embarrassing as he does it in front of people too. He is 15 now and has always been the same. My other two chance their arm but they know no means no. My point is do your best OP but a lot of it is personality too. I know a lot of people will comment that a spoilt child is always the parents fault but this makes me defensive cos believe me we have tried and I think DS will always be demanding and ill always feel like I somehow failed him for not making him change.

My oldest used to really struggle with being asked to say something. She was great when unprompted but if asked to say "sorry", "thank you", "please" "hello" etc she'd say it in a singsong way, sounding totally insincere.

What I found worked better was (especially while still holding the ice cream!) is saying "oooh! Have you forgotten something?" and she'd then say it naturally.
I think because she was normally good at saying it, she was embarrassed to have forgotten, and even more embarrassed to be called out on it and it highlighted.

Another thing that worked for her was something really silly like "which bit of you wants to say 'thank you' first?" and then she'd say it and whisper something like "that was from my heart" which was really cute.

In your situation today I'd have said something like "isn't nan kind to have given us a lovely day. Shall we say 'thank you' together?" Counted in and say it together. It takes the attention of the dc and the pressure.

On the whinging for stuff, I used to give a time scale, like as you did, after lunch, but if I was asked again, I'd be very blunt and say that if I was asked again before (eg they'd eaten their sandwiches) then they wouldn't get it until later still.
Very rarely did I have to follow through with that, but if I did I would be very clear that one more ask would mean not getting it at all.

One last thing though. Occasionally they did give a good reason for eg having the ice cream at 10:30am. Say, for example, that you were passing an ice cream van at that point that had a special one they wanted, or they were going to go in the sand and didn't want sandy fingers. If it was a good reason, then I'd let them have it then, but make it clear before they have it that they would not for any reason whatsoever get a second (!). Normally when faced with the not having one later for a long day out, one of mine would decide to wait, one would never want to wait, and the other would consider it.

Helpful. Ever considered a career as an agony aunt?