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Scapegoat in “found family” friendship group

9 replies

Chelseebuns · 02/06/2023 17:28

I’m curious about how groups of friends who are as close as family re-enact unhealthy family roles.

Have any of you ever had the experience of being the scapegoat in a close knit friendship group? Did you realise what was happening at the time?

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WestOfWestminster · 02/06/2023 20:50

What is a found family?

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90yomakeuproom · 02/06/2023 20:54

Sorry but I have no idea what you mean

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Zebracrossings · 02/06/2023 20:55

Op I really don't understand. Do you mean that a close friends group is using you as a scapegoat or making you the butt of their jokes?

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Chelseebuns · 03/06/2023 08:08

WestOfWestminster · 02/06/2023 20:50

What is a found family?

Like the set up in Friends. When you are part of a friendship group of singles and you spend so much time together it recreates a family group feeling.

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Chelseebuns · 03/06/2023 08:09

Zebracrossings · 02/06/2023 20:55

Op I really don't understand. Do you mean that a close friends group is using you as a scapegoat or making you the butt of their jokes?

I have had that experience yes. I was reading about scapegoating in actual families on another MN thread and wondered whether my friendship was re-enacting a common family dynamic. It’s long in the past now.

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DisplayPurposesOnly · 03/06/2023 08:13

I've had the experience but wasn't the scapegoat. We were young (18-20). I think one or two of us spotted that we, the group, were actually being quite awful to the scapegoat and somehow managed to change the dynamic. Our behaviour was quite shameful, particularly as scapegoat is actually very nice.

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ProfessorXtra · 03/06/2023 08:17

If I felt a group was using me a scapegoat I wouldn’t be classing them as friends or a ‘found family’

My best friend is like family. We wouldn’t have got to that point if either of us felt the other one was a toxic person

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Chelseebuns · 03/06/2023 08:37

@DisplayPurposesOnly That’s good to hear. I wonder if it is a fairly common thing. It is good you spotted it and put a stop to it.

@ProfessorXtra Yes, it’s horrible behaviour. Not what friends or family should do at all.

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Zebracrossings · 04/06/2023 12:42

@Chelseebuns got it . What exactly has made you think that your friendship group is going to act in the same way. Can you give us some examples?