How much £ to leave son when we go away?

[Mumof118]

DS is 18 and no longer wants to join us on our travels. Understandable. Our month long trip was arranged with DS joining us in mind, but we have decided to let him stay home.

He is finishing A levels and does not have a job, but intends on looking for something for the summer after his final exam.

DH and I go away in July and will be away for 4 weeks and 2 nights. We have argued over how much money to leave DS to buy food etc.

My parents and sister will check in on him, but he’ll be home on his own for the most part.

How much money would you leave your DS if you were going away for a month?

I’d start by stocking up the house as much as possible ie do a food shop beforehand with lots of cupboard essentials and stock up on toiletries. From there maybe give him a weekly allowance to top up fresh food. You could also do things like just order groceries or takeaway to the house whilst you’re away if you’re hesitant to give money. You can always bank transfer him if he needs more. Do you pay for his travel, outings, clothes etc too?

I have been in similar situations as the child and don’t remember how much my parents gave me but honestly I was fine when they weren’t around. He’ll be okay. You don’t need to kit him out for every inevitability. Maybe just compromise and give him a median amount between the figures you both came up with? It’s not worth arguing over. If he’s low on money you can always give more.

£50 a week for food shopping. What else would he need? Besides he can message you and you can send cash fairly quickly.

Does he currently get any money?

How independent is he?

The summer after A Levels can be expensive. Last time with mates before Uni or Jobs, so do you want to feed him or give him money to enjoy his month?

I'd do a massive shop, then money for one take out a week, one eat out a week, top up on shopping for fresh stuff, and then decide if you're giving fun money.

Any job he gets may well not pay him until you're back

Thank you. We will stock up for him before we leave and I trust him, he’s a good boy, so I feel comfortable giving him cash to top up.

I don’t think he’ll need clothes as he already has too many as it is, and he can’t drive yet, although he is having lessons, so no fuel to fund.

Whilst I clearly want to ensure he’s taken care of whilst we are away, DH wants him to see this as an opportunity to become more responsible and self sufficient. DH thinks he should to a certain degree learn that he has to fund himself and budget carefully. I agree, but I also don’t want to be worrying on my much needed holiday.

Where we are going there is plenty of wifi and opportunities to chat so if he’s short, we can always make a transfer. So I’m probably worrying over nothing.

Thank you for reminding me that I can relax over this a bit more than I have been.

That sounds very reasonable. Thank you.

You say DH thinks he should fund himself and budget carefully so is he intending to charge him rent once you're home? Otherwise he's saying he only needs to do it whilst you're in holiday, which is pretty petty.

Also he doesn't have a job yet so what's the plan if he can't find one? That DH clears the cupboards of food and he just goes hungry for a month?

You’re welcome. You could also take him food shopping before you go to see what he picks out/how much he spends/what he might need/what different shops charge. Then you’ll know whether he’ll budget well and can adjust accordingly. I think £50 a week for groceries for 1 is a lot!

He doesn’t ‘earn’ any money, but he has a bank account where his birthday, Christmas and pocket money has gone and whilst he’s spent a lot of that, he still has about £4000 at his disposal. So no, I won’t be funding his fun. I did want him to get a weekend job a while back and he declined, so I said fair enough, but I won’t find your lifestyle, you’ll have to do that out of your savings.

I do want to make sure he has enough food though. DH felt he should take care of himself near enough completely, but I feel it would be less worry for me to know he had food covered and I don’t mind treating him to a few takeaways. I did suggest £400, or £100 a week, plus a stocked fridge and freezer, but DH thinks that is too much.

Thank you for commenting! Good point about a job not paying him on time anyway.

DH is pretty insistent that DS has to find a job asap. He is taking a year off before Uni.
As soon as DS has a job, DH would like to charge him £120 a month in rent/grocery contributions.
I think DH is trying to push him to get a job sooner rather than later and isn’t considering him not finding one.

Yes, £50 would last me a good few weeks, but I suspect DS will live off frozen pizzas and Pot Noodles to be honest. I think a fair amount might go on Reece’s peanut butter cups too.

Thank you all. Do you think:
A stocked kitchen plus household bits, and £50 a week is fair. I think DH would agree to this. I’m at the end of a phone if he needs more.

And even if he does, as I said there's a lag in paying.
I think it's off to day use your savings for am month if you want to eat, we're off in holiday.

I think 100 is def into the paying for his fun territory tho. I'd say £50, and that'll cover a take out or a meal out plus fresh stuff like bread and milk and veg.

I think that’s fair. £100 a week is basically topping up his savings or just giving him money to spend elsewhere. I’d definitely live off noodles and just spend some of that in Zara or asos if I was him! Or on socialising.

Thank you. DH really wants him to have an incentive to work and feels things generally come too easy to DS. I think he’ll happily agree to £50 a week though. I feel a bit better now. I can go to sleep and stop thinking about it - although I think I’m finding reasons to worry to be honest. I do wish he was coming with us. I suspect he’ll have a fabulous time at home though.

He’ll not only have a great time, but he’ll also be safe and comfortable. You said it yourself, you raised a responsible son and you’re only a message away. It’s now time to focus on you and enjoy your holiday. Maybe spend some time tomorrow looking at things to do on your trip and making an itinerary? Hope you have fun.