Feel utterly useless after first day :(

[Coffeeebean]

Hi all

Feeling so low this evening, crying on and off

I started my new job today (civil service) and it was utterly horrendous.

I was in the CS already but this is a promotion, move to a big department and a totally new area of work. It was a lot more formal than im used to, i wasnt introduced to anyone, i didnt even get shown where the toilets were.

My new boss is awful. He gave me a laptop, gave me a 20 minute overview of the team, 2 very broad pieces of work (neither of which i have a clue how to do, dont know the timeline or know anyone to ask for help) and left me to it.

I broke down and sobbed in the bathroom at lunch time. I sat on my own all day (boss dissapeared) and had no idea what i was supposed to do.

This is a 12 month contract to finish a project (job description wasnt more specific) and im conscious i dont have time to waste. They know i dont have experience in this area (policy) so i expected some sort of training but nothing.

I feel absolutely sick to my stomach and regret leaving my old lovely job (that i was bloody good at) so so much. Ive also been told they dont record flexi its just all hands on deck so thats my work life balance gone

No point in this really i just needed to vent

never ever want to go back

Ugh

Sorry for your crappy day.

I'm in CS having joined 18 months ago and in most part have hated it and can (on some level) relate to your experience today.

Theres no really training/support and makes you feel incompetent, worthless and embarrassed on the whole.

I can't really offer any useful advice just trying to say it's not you, it's the CS (in some parts).

That sounds rubbish. I'm so sorry.

Changing roles is hard in the best circumstances let alone when your new boss is being so unhelpful. Can you make a list of things you need to do the role and speak to your boss about it tomorrow?

If it's a 12 month secondment, does that mean that you'll go back to your previous role in a year?

Thanks for the replies

Sadly i cant go back to my old job - as its a promotion their wont be a job at that grade available so i will be chucked into the redeployement pool to do this all over again :(

So much regret

I’ve recently moved jobs and even with training it’s been overwhelming!

Deep breath - you can do this!!

@Coffeeebean if you're wanting to get back to your old role there might be a chance.

On Reddit some definitely had some experience and asking to go back (within the first month) and as their old role hadn't yet been signed off to be advertised they could (and did).

If you're desperate and friendly with your old manager it might be worth speaking to them in confidence.

Good luck regardless and well done on passing the selection process for the higher grade up even if it isn't working out as you wanted.

I haven't had a single job where I didn't feel like this on the first day! I am sure it'll be fine once you've had a chance to settle in.
It does sound like your boss was ill prepared and a bit shit, hopefully they were just very busy because it is the first working day of the month and they had a load of stuff to do.
They obviously feel that you can do the job or you wouldn't be there, you just need to get your feet under the table. Will there be more people in the office next week when half term is over?
If worst comes to it, you can start the twelve month countdown and make sure you do as much excellent work in that time to boost your CV for the next promotion.

I will definately ask - have a very good relationtship with old boss. I think they are already advertising the position though so maybe too late

Just feeling very deflated and stupid - really doubting my ability to be an HEO now, are you just supposed to take initiative and figure it all out alone from here?? I wouldnt even know where to start. I know none of the jargon let alone how to use it :(

Definitely worth asking the old boss

Ok. Breathe, cry it out and plan!

if you can't go back to your old role, I'd do the following (apologies if this doesn't work for CS).

Put in a session with your manager, in the diary, ask for project scope, any old folders of info and any contacts that would be helpful to assisting you in your project.

Put in diaries meetings with anyone who has been told may be able to help.

Take ten mins tomorrow to find toilets, lunch area, kitchen etc.

Make sure you have access to all relevant folder structures. (Get IT on board to do that).

Once you've had point one done, you may have enough to crack on.

Im not CS, but work for a massive company where odd roles have been exactly as you've described and that's how I've tackled them.

apologies if I'm wildly off, I'm just trying to help you structure something which may make it feel less awful. Massive good luck.

Stick at it the first three months are the worst. Try to establish what they think “success looks like”, write stepping stones towards it. Be brave you have nothing to lose phone some people up under the guise of “hi I’m new what’s your role how could it work with mine”, I’ve had roles like your feeling now. You have a short window where you can ask lots of questions as the newbie and learn loads. I view it as a jigsaw, no one has all the pieces but everyone knows something how can you find out some bits to start building that picture. You have been hired for a reason keep believing that you have some skills to use in the role and your get there but your need to keep asking questions to do it. Good luck

Do you know the names of the other people who will be working on the projects? Do you have access to the email address book and calendars?

If you do then I would spend part of tomorrow setting up 30 minute meetings with each of them to introduce yourself, learn about what they do and what their part in the project will be, where the project is at so far etc

Use that as an opportunity to start to build relationships and to gather links to locations where any useful documents, training resources and project plans are. Also a list of what systems are being used and who seems to be most proficient at them that you could ask to give you a run through.

I'm on policy on a secondment and I'm in exactly he same position as you. I WFH and it's a good day if i'm not crying with desperation.

I don't have a single bit of advice but just wanted to send a hug xx

Wondering if I’ve changed my name to @BumblingCakeLover because my experience is also the same, down to starting 18 months ago.

Meanwhile the department falls over itself talking about inclusivity and work life balance etc - and tbf, it’s ok in this respects (that and the pension is why I’m there for now) - but they have no bloody idea how to deal with people who come in from outside. For example, month after month at our departmental all staff meetings there is a request from someone for a structure chart to give newcomers an idea of the scope of the division and the answer is always a version of “ask someone who has been here a long time - there’s a lot of us, ha ha ha - and we can put you in touch with the right people”.

I hope your day 2 is better than your day 1. I cried so much that first month wondering if it was the biggest mistake of my life - I resigned after a couple of months but was persuaded to stay. On balance I’m glad I did (see above on flexibility and pension) but I can’t see it as a long term solution.

This is a problem with a lack of proper induction and not about skills or competence. No one could do well at this on their first day.
Make a plan of how to assertively address this with your boss, where else you can get information from and start building some links with new colleagues.
Maybe ask new boss for a 'buddy' so you don't have to disturb the boss with questions while you get to know the work.
This is unreasonable and about their lack of management not your lack of skill.

That sounds like a really crap day

but it takes a minimum of 3 months to settle in. Many people feel totally at sea on their first day.

I would talk to your boss and HR tomorrow to get training and a clear timetable in place, be v open with boss re HR - it’s a systems failure as much as your bosses

@Coffeeebean I have been in the CS for almost 20 years, and have recently been promoted from EO to HEO. I’ve moved to an operational role and to be honest, feel the same as you.
In my case it’s not the grade up but the move to a totally new department in a field that I’m not familiar with, the light touch training and unreasonable demands , given I’ve been there a month, and micro management have made me question my decision.

Unfortunately cost of living means I have no choice but to do the best that I can for 6 months before looking for something else and hopefully move sideways or up, - it’s a plan which makes me feel somewhat better. Good luck

Have you done any policy work before?

Civil Service Learning used to have some good policy courses so that might be worth having a look if it’s a new area.

Do you know who else is in your team (or can you work it out) and have you / can you set up introductory meetings / calls with them? I find sometimes that can be more informative than anything your manager gives you.

Thanks again for the support.

No ive never done any policy work or project based work.

Im a naturally shy and anxious person and this is very coorporate and i feel totally out of my depth. The thought of arranging meetings with everyone fills me with dread.

Supposed to be working from home today but so far all ive done is open my laptop and cry

Dont know what to do

It is one month after I started my new job.

On my first day, unbeknownst to me, my manager was embroiled in a home crisis. I had a load of documents in front of me, asked to read them, that my key objectives were xyz, and that's it.

I read the documents, and thought why the fuck did I think I could manage this. I met other colleagues and thought the same.

One month later? I've confidently scrapped about 3/4 of my predecessor's work. I've subbed in for colleagues in meetings. I've come up with clever little ideas in meetings that people like.

Sometimes you just need to start DOING to get confident.

Honestly just set up some meetings / phone calls in people’s diaries think of it as having a virtual cuppa coffee. It feels like the hardest thing to do but most people have been where you are and felt the same and it does get easier I promise. Try just one call today and set up 1-2 everyday next week to build momentum. In that role you have to show initiative and confidence is 100% a muscle the more you use it the stronger it gets. It honestly can’t feel worse than sitting there crying (believe me I’ve So been there), so try it. Good luck you can do it bit by bit. Also try finding a coach. I think CS have a coaching network it really helped my to change my mindset. It’s not a mentor, they will mostly ask you questions to help you unlock your potential but can be really powerful with the right person.

Thank you for all your replies, really appreciated.

Yesterday was a WFH day - started the day with a big cry staring at my laptop but pushed through it.

Asked my boss for some names and Ive booked some introductory meetings for next week...did have to get my DH to show me how to use the scheduling assistant on outlook and agonised over the wording for ages before finally sending...but its done. Quite proud of myself.

The rest of the day was a mixture and not really sure i did anything of any use so im nervous about seeing my boss next incase he asks.

Was absolutely mentally drained last night and still feeling very anxious today. I cant stop thinking about work which ive never experienced before.

Ive also spoken to a family friend who is a long term CS and she has confirmed this is fairly standard treatment which, whilst it sucks, makes me feel a bit less like its all my fault.

Have also spoken to my old boss who has said they would welcome me back.

Need to have a long hard think about what i want to do now.

Go back!! If your boss has said they would let you, I wouldn't even think about it.

Your happiness and mental well-being is more important than a few more £ in your bank each month.

@Coffeeebean just wondering how you're getting on now?

Considering how many people come into the CS or move once in you would think the new starter induction process would be slick!