What has tipped you over the edge?

[strawthatbrokethecamelsback]

Sorry this may be long......

I've had an incident at work that has literally tipped me over the edge.

But a bit of background first, I have 4 year old twins, I'm 44, went through lots of IVF to get them. Complicated pregnancy, they arrived early, spent a few weeks in NICU. One of my twins has always had something going on with them. They had sepsis really badly at 7 months old. It's never just a cold or a cough or a sickness bug. She's doing better now but in the past if she had a really nasty bug it would always be a hospital stay.

I'm pretty sure I'm peri menopausal, along with maybe a bit of depression and a whole heap of anxiety and over thinking.

I finally plucked up the courage to contact the Dr's a few weeks ago but was told they'd hit capacity (I did the request at 8.30am) and to please try again another day!

I feel very lonely and isolated, I feel down all of the time. I have no energy to do anything and all I want to do is sleep. I feel worthless, like I am a failure. This is not the image I project when I see my friends, I come across as happy, full of life etc but it's not the reality.

The incident that tipped me over the edge, I work in a medium sized family company. I cover all finances. There was a minor incident where I absolutely did something wrong (not terrible but thoughtless) the consequences were that I was humiliated in front of a visitor - a visitor that I had made contact with and arranged to come in to look at providing a service.

This incident led me to spiral and I've literally been crying for 3 days. I know that IABU, it's not proportionate response in any way.

I've reached out to the Dr's again and do have a phone appointment next week. How do I convey to the Dr in a 5 minute telephone call what I'm feeling? I feel at the moment I want to try HRT and a low dose of antidepressant.

If anyone else has gone through this how did you get the Dr to listen?

Use the word Urgent?
I hope your work lets your situation settle.
Working, parenting all you need is support not burdened by humiliation.
Keep it real with your friends.
Do you have family to talk to?
We are all only human, work errors however big or small are fixable usually?
Ring your doctor and request some urgent appointment or a service to help through your workplace?
You need to vent, release stress and take care of yourself.. your human.
I am sure you are doing your best.

Does your GP practice have an online booking service?
Ours have appointments that can pre booked same day ones, it’s easier to go online earlier and beat the phone rush.
Also there is a nursing practitioner who can also prescribe hrt etc, she is much easier to book than aGP.

Thank you for your reply, difficult to talk to my family (other than my DH) at the company I work for is owned by a very close family member - I don't want to say who (not parents) as it will be outing. So I think this is the reason why I'm so upset about the humiliation.

It's so difficult with friends. I don't see them everyday, most don't live near me, so when we do meet up I don't feel like I want to burden them with how I'm feeling.

I did you the online service, but they assess your request and then decide whether they can see you or not. Last time it was a straight no try again another day. This time I was offered a triage phone call for a weeks time, which is better than nothing I suppose.

Just tell them straight. “I believe I am peri-menopausal; I am depressed and can’t stop crying; I need HRT and/or antidepressants “. In my experience doctors take you seriously when you are clear on what you need.

I’m saying this as someone who was first diagnosed with PND after shouting at the doctor and then breaking down in tears, so I understand how it’s not always possible in the moment. 💐

As a friend, I'd be glad to be "burdened" with listening to someone who was in distress and unhappy. I'd feel honoured that you thought you could confide in me and pleased if I could help you in some way. Please do talk to someone you can trust. Bottling things up and not sharing tends to make things spiral bigger in your mind than it really is. What seems like a huge thing to you, is actually often quite minor to the rest of the world and when you hear other people put it into perspective, it can be a huge weight off your shoulders.

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, and you've been through an awful lot - this is possibly your body telling you it's been under too much strain for too long and the wheels are just starting to come off a bit. It's not impossible to move past but you will need help to do so, and to take rest where you can to let yourself relax after the last few really difficult years. It sounds like a spring finally uncoiling, and that will take time. Even without all the worries about their health issues, I imagine four year old twins are not exactly relaxing!

Purely in practical terms, your initial post is really very clear and eloquent - can you just print it off or have it on your phone screen to hand to the doctor, or maybe use it to make a list for the triage phone call? It can sometimes be a bit easier than trying to remember all the strands / kicking yourself afterwards for not saying what you wanted or feeling you missed something out.

You will find a way through this, please let yourself accept help while you do - talk to the GP, talk to friends, your partner, family, mental health organisations. All the best to you.

If you were my friend, I'd absolutely be willing to talk to you about this and wouldn't feel burdened at all. You may find out that some of your friends feel a similar way, this is what happened in my friendship group once someone opened up.
I hope you manage to get into the docs and it helps

Dear OP,
I am so sorry you are struggling at the moment. It is very hard when DC are small, and IVF, having twins etc - these tale extra toll on your body and your hormones that people are unaware of (and no one tells you about!)

Call the GP and say you need an urgent appointment. Say you've been brushed off twice now and you find it hard to keep asking but it's getting more critical by the day. Admit it's for mental health and ask if you could be booked in for a double appointment if they do these.

You shouldn't have to beg! It makes me so angry in behalf that you do have to pester at a time when pestering feels like a struggle too far.

But the right medication will help you. That may be HRT or it may be anti depressants.

and for you. Hang in there.

This is absolutely how I feel.

I've been feeling down for a long time, but one of the triggers was a few months ago when the Jason & Clara Watkins documentary aired. I didn't watch the programme (I simply couldn't bring myself to) but I saw some articles and interviews that they did. I'm welling up just writing this but something about that seemed to set off a chain of events. When my daughter had sepsis I was dismissed by several doctors as just a virus. I had to insist on a 2nd opinion - luckily we saw a Dr who happened to be walking through A&E who had looked after us in NICU. They also thought it was viral but when they did blood tests her CRP was 260 and she was rushed to another hospital. She had a lumbar puncture as they thought she had meningitis.

I should be thinking thank goodness they caught it but instead all I could focus on was how close we'd come to losing her. That is now over 3 years ago but it feels like it was yesterday.

And yes twins are amazing, really amazing but my goodness it's hard. Such a hard slog at times.

This is what I worry about when talking to a Dr, I have so much to say that I'll never get it all out in a phone call and I'll just be a rambling mess lol