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Original poster

4am dread

32 replies

4amdread · 31/05/2023 04:35

I'm usually a good sleeper but have just randomly woken up and am feeling so anxious about everything I don't know what to do with myself.

I have made a minor mistake at work and keep going over it thinking I'll lose my job.

I've also realised I'm going on a plane on my own for the first time since having DC next month and could have a panic attack thinking something will happen to me and they will grow up without a mother. I want to cancel it all.

This is just horrendous. I'm fine most of the time and then will get this overwhelming anxiety. I can only hope its become I'm pre menstrual and I will be able to cope with life again in a week.

Anyone else up?

OP posts:
SideProfile · 31/05/2023 04:40

I’m here with my sick toddler!

Things always seem worse this time of day. Can you pop on a good podcast or film and doze for a few hours? Or are you going to get up and get stuff done? (Either is better than nothing!)

I’m a big fan of the headspace app.

ZeppelinTits · 31/05/2023 04:41

Yeah, I get it. I've got an exam tomorrow (well, today now) which we have til midnight to complete, and the questions were released at midnight. I'm lying here panicking I'll fail and won't be able to write anything for one of them.
Something about 4am in very unsettling. I think it's because you feel like the only person in the world and everything seems scarier and magnified.

I'm sure things will feel brighter in the morning. Have a snack if that helps and maybe listen to something calming. I like the Stephen Fry sleep stories on the Calm app, the honest guys YouTube channel used to be really good for guided meditations too. Hope we're both feeling more cheery and calm in the light of morning.

MinnieMountain · 31/05/2023 04:44

You say a minor mistake, so I very much doubt you’ll lose your job over it. Can you talk to a colleague about it.
Flying will be fine. Think about how many people fly each day. Can you plan how to make the most of it ie somewhere nice to eat at the airport etc?

Original poster
4amdread · 31/05/2023 04:47

@SideProfile oh no I hope your toddler feels better soon! So hard when they are sick in the night.

I keep trying to put on a sleep meditation podcast which usually works but I'm too wired and get frustrated. I switched it to a funny podcast but they where talking about planes and it triggered a new anxiety!

@MinnieMountain ooo thanks I forgot about that, I used it before when in the midst of post partum anxiety and insomnia!

OP posts:
theblackradiator · 31/05/2023 04:47

I'm an anxiety sufferer and it's woke me up too at 4am. I've been OK for a few weeks but half term is here and here I am wide awake. I'm always worse during school holidays I thinks it because of the pressure and expectation to be out and about doing things with the kids. since covid I've dreaded school holidays. I always find mumsnet is a great distraction for my anxious mind. Early mornings are always the worse time of days for me. you are not on your own op.

RoseAdage · 31/05/2023 04:47

Yes, me. It’s the 4-5 am cortisol surge- a rise in cortisol supposed to move you out of deep sleep but which, if you’re awake, just makes you feel anxious and full of dread. Very normal, don’t trust any of your thoughts at this time, they’re just your brain trying to cope with excess cortisol.

This Fleur Adcock poem describes the feeling well-

There are worse things than having behaved foolishly in public.
There are worse things than these miniature betrayals,
committed or endured or suspected; there are worse things
than not being able to sleep for thinking about them.
It is 5 a.m. All the worse things come stalking in
and stand icily about the bed looking worse and worse and worse.

TheSproutOfWrath · 31/05/2023 04:50

Wide awake since 3.30 here.
Worried about husband who had a haemorrhagic stroke on Thursday and all the worst case scenarios that go with it.

Original poster
4amdread · 31/05/2023 04:51

@ZeppelinTits all the best for your exam! I think the fact you're up worrying shows you care, I am sure you will do great!

Hugs @theblackradiator it's the pits isn't it? Just a few more days until you are back in the usual routine.

@RoseAdage thank you so much, knowing there is an explanation is so helpful. It's not me, it's the cortisol, I will be OK.

OP posts:
Sunnysidegold · 31/05/2023 04:52

Hi op! I'm awake because I left my window open and I hear some enthusiastic early birds singing. Which is lovely, but not an extra alarm I needed.

I have been through what you're describing and it sucks.

Regarding the work mistake - is it fixable? Can you figure out what your next step is so when you speak to your boss you have a solution. Ready?
Or do you have a work colleague you could chat with tomorrow?

Hope you get some sleep soon

Original poster
4amdread · 31/05/2023 04:53

@TheSproutOfWrath I'm so sorry you are going through this

OP posts:
Spudlet · 31/05/2023 04:54

Woke up for a wee at 3.30 here and couldn’t get back to sleep again. So pissed off with my stupid whizzing brain that I could cry. I’ve promised - and booked and paid - to take ds to a local theme park today and now it’s going to be ruined.

Original poster
4amdread · 31/05/2023 04:55

@Sunnysidegold I work from home and have just come back from mat leave to a new team so I think the anxiety partly comes from never being able to discuss anything with anyone. I've already set the wheels in motion to fix it, but it's just all so unsettling. :(

OP posts:
theblackradiator · 31/05/2023 04:58

@TheSproutOfWrath 💐💐hope your husband will be OK. sorry to hear you are going through this.

garlictwist · 31/05/2023 05:00

Another one awake since the wee hours. I have some unexplained health symptoms and just Google fearing the worst. I also hate my whirring brain. Today is going to be long.

Original poster
4amdread · 31/05/2023 05:00

Spudlet · 31/05/2023 04:54

Woke up for a wee at 3.30 here and couldn’t get back to sleep again. So pissed off with my stupid whizzing brain that I could cry. I’ve promised - and booked and paid - to take ds to a local theme park today and now it’s going to be ruined.

Yes it started with needing an innocent wee for me too and at first my brain was just thinking about the amusing dream I'd had and then BAM! One anxious thought after another and now I'm a mess.

I hate it so much.

Don't worry your day isn't ruined at all, it will be a lovely distraction, even though you will be a little tired.

1st DC just woke crying with a nosebleed and woke up 2nd DC. Think that's my night done then. I'll have to make it through the day on 4 hours sleep. Argh

OP posts:
Phoenixrising2020 · 31/05/2023 05:01

3am start again, it's been like this for 3 years now. I feel really nauseous and I have work to do...going to force myself to lie down afterwards.
I really sympathise with those who need sleep but can't seem to get it. I am thinking of you.

HadEnough2023 · 31/05/2023 05:03

Yep I'm awake felt sick off a domino's pizza last night and fell asleep at 8pm now wide awake and still feel crappy with the room spinning now when I stand up. Not good when your a carer who has to administer medication multiple times a day! Sad
Have you got Spotify? There's some really good calming sleep playlists on there to fall back to sleep too. Please don't stress about your work it'll work out. Flowers

Chickenkeev · 31/05/2023 05:04

I've been awake all night, was the same last night. Been watching old episodes of Kitchen Nightmares to keep me company. No hope of any sleep now as it's bright :(

thewonderfulthingabouttigger · 31/05/2023 05:06

I'm awake because my toddler keeps waking up at 4.30am. I think she's cold. But she's too hot at bedtime with more than thin pjs on and doesn't want the duvet.

And now I'm awake I've got period pain from hell which has upset my stomach. I've had to shovel some Jaffa cakes in me to take some naproxen. So even though I managed to get the toddler back to sleep, I'm now fully awake and very uncomfortable 😔 and I'm a single parent, so no relief or backup for me...

Hope you feel better about things in a little while OP x

Coffeetree · 31/05/2023 05:13

It's the cortisol talking. Everyone makes mistakes at work. I think of allll the work mistakes I've fretted over and none of them amounted to anything.

Re: waking up early. You're on mumsnet so you've clearly decided you're up for the day. Me too. Enjoy it! Have a cup of coffee and watch a series in peace.

Next time it happens, try taking really slow deep breaths. Like breathe in for three counts, out for three counts. Then in for four counts, out for four counts. Then five, six. I've never got past six, it's really effective!

Myworldjusthim · 31/05/2023 05:32

Been awake since 3.45 am. Absolutely shattered and just had a good cry. My 3 year old has a sever eczema flare. She won’t stop itching and scratching. It’s constant non stop her skin is raw. This started a few days ago after a viral infection. Sorry no advice for you OP, but I’ve been there. I get like you even if I say something to family/friends and regret it later. Only bit of advice is that worrying never helps the problem just makes it 10 times worse.

Monkeytrousers04 · 31/05/2023 06:07

I’m up - been awake since 4am. Was really hoping for a lie in as I’m on holiday and all my kids went to bed late. Typical that they are all fast asleep and I’m lying here awake…

I totally get where you are coming from OP. I worry about this stuff all the time… yesterday my DS (age 3) almost fell off his balance bike… I still have no idea how he managed to right himself but he did. I’m now replaying what could have happened over and over again, like a fool.

I hope you managed to drift back off.

While I’m here, does anyone know how to get the heating to come on at Centre Parcs? My DP assured me that the towel rail would just come on over night but it hasn’t and my towel is as wet as it was when we got back from the pool yesterday… I know I won’t be able to get back to sleep now as it’s really annoying me!

Take care everyone. xx

bladebladebla1 · 31/05/2023 06:16

I woke for a wee. Every day at 4 am it's the same and I never get back to sleep. I'm going to die very young

TshirtInColour · 31/05/2023 06:16

Awake since 5 here. Morning demons everyday, sadly.