Complex trauma, how to recover?

[miragehay]

Has anyone had multiple traumas throughout life and managed to recover?
I suspect I've been running on adrenaline for three decades, it's having a negative impact on my relationships, my ability to parent and my physical health, I feel it's time to stop running from pain and confront it all. Ive nobody to talk to in real life (see negative impact on relationships) even if I did, I don't think I could recount the flashback memories out loud to anyone I care about. I've started having flashbacks about one traumatic chapter in particular, I used to be able to make myself stop thinking about it and push it away but last night it made me physically jump.
The problem is, there are so many things going back so many years, I don't know where to start or what to do. Does anyone have experience or can tell me where to turn/what to do?
I'm toying with the idea of writing it all down like a book and handing it to a psychologist as soon as I can see one. Is that a strange thing to do?

Therapy is great. EMDR is for trauma too.

Well done for getting to where you are today. Be proud of yourself.

I would begin by looking for a therapist who is experienced in complex trauma. Look on Counselling Directory or the BACP and check the credentials and list of issues they work with.
It’s a long and very very slow process usually and you’ll find that you peel back layers. I would also be prepared for it to knock your stability for a little while as you begin unlearning so much that has been built on trauma responses. A good and experienced therapist will help you to stay grounded and functional whilst you explore difficult things and will never push you to talk about something that will be too destabilising.
EMDR can be used for complex trauma but doesn’t work for everyone. It is better for one off trauma incidents. It has become the new CBT and everyone throws EMDR straight at people as soon as the word trauma is mentioned but it isn’t always the best way forward for everyone. Good luck!

Yes, I have been warned in the past that once you start taking it all apart, you can feel much worse before you feel better. That scares me though what scares me more right now is not dealing with any of it and ending up completely unable to function or seriously mentally unwell. It feels like time. I've had enough, it's now or never. A very daunting prospect though.
Have emailed one clinical psychologist so far. I've got this far in the past then pushed it all down again. Must see it through

In the short term, self care and living in the moment.

Recognise your pain, acknowledge the thought/memory

comfort yourself, as though you were a child- literally talk to yourself and give yourself kindness, hot chocolate, baths, massage, hot water bottle. Avoid self medicating with chocolate, drugs etc!

and move on. Actively choose to think about the beauty of the sky, this flower, the softness of the fabric. Plan a treat to look forward to.

Have you read 'the body keeps the score'?
It's supposed to be excellent.

There are in effect symptoms you can treat with self care and mindfulness while you wait/gather strength for other therapy.

Yes I have a history of complex trauma and I am making progress of recovering from it. It is difficult. I don’t ever expect to fully get over it any more than you get over any significant grief but it has become much, much easier to accommodate in recent years.

Talk therapy is good in small doses I found, it is very retraumatising but I needed it to help me stay to process things. I think you only do what you need to do. I have seen EMDR being highly recommended and really anything that pulls the trauma out of where it is stored in the body aka somatic type therapies. I have read books to beat the band to get a good understanding of what I experienced and what I am experiencing.

Personally I have found Internal Family Systems therapy and self compassion are great tools for my situation but every situation is different. For me it was coming to terms with keeping myself safe in a world that my experiences did not leave me feeling safe was the hardest thing. I have therapy every two months or longer now and I probably will for life but I am doing so, so much better than I could ever have imagined.

Well done on reaching this point op. I'm sorry that life dealt you a load of bad cards. I haven't got much more to add, I came on to suggest counselling. I do hope that goes well for you. I'm currently writing an assignment about resilience. It's a fascinating subject, which you might find interesting to look into, but basically there are factors that help people be resilient, such as good health, good social networks & also feeling in control. It occurs to me that dealing with your past traumatic events will help you feel more in control long term. Do share on here if you have wobbles before getting there. Best wishes with it!