Are velcro babies insecure?

[AliceAbsolum]

I'm worrying that my baby is insecurely attached. She's 5 months nearly 6 and she won't let me out of her sight. Instantly calms the second I pick her up though.
I've not left her for more than 30 mins, and always tend to her.
Is it possible to tell if a baby is securely attached?! I had a bad relationship with my mum so I'm really worried I'm doing a shit job.

How often do you have to have that back and "chatting with them?" I don't do it a lot. Arggh

I had a velcro baby and she is absolutely securely attached. She is now 3 and a half. I've undertaken my own Mary Ainworth experiments to confirm it. I always respond to her because of my own experience with an unavailable mother. I'm mindful it's my job to breaking the cycle even if I'm avoidently attached. Keep going. My child is described as a Happy child and that's a direct result of responding to her in my humble opinion.

Even my mother says she is a happy child and seems bewildered because I was described as a sad one. 😔 she has no idea it has anything to do with parenting style and I don't even bother explaining.

My Velcro baby is now 11.5.
She went to nursery at 15 months and took a few weeks to stop crying when I left.
She went to baby ballet type classes when she was 3 and took about 4 weeks to be happy for me to leave the room like the other mummies.
At the end of that first term of ballet she took part in a show - on a stage in a school theatre - which great confidence. She's been utterly secure and confident ever since.

Sounds like she is securely attached to you and feels safe with you which is good!

Velcro baby and toddler and very home bird until secondary school. He is 16 now, off camping without us this summer, off to US without us next year. Still quiet but has a core of confidence and is very independent.

My velcro baby is now 2 and fine to be on his own in another room etc for a while. He was just a very dependent baby. He's generally been perfectly happy to be left with anyone he knows. There's nothing insecure about his attachment, he's just a very affectionate, cuddly child!

Some babies just want to be held all the time, it doesn't mean there are problems. If you're responding when she needs you, you're doing the right thing and im sure you're not doing a shit job. My son went through phases of only wanting me but distraction after handing him over generally did the job and he was fine then.

Sounds like very normal separation anxiety as she realises that you are not one. I would not say it's Velcro just a regular developing baby.

Ah that's amazing @Flunkey Congratulations on breaking the cycle. Did you do the strange situation formally or set it up yourself? What age can you do it?

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strange_situation#:~:text=The%20strange%20situation%20is%20a,of%20nine%20and%2030%20months.

I just did it myself when I went to the toilet when we went to a new playgroup.

There's actually a school of thought that velcro babies are so exactly because they are securely attached. Don't worry. It sounds like you're doing a brilliant job to me.

My oldest (now 14y) was a total velcro baby.
He initially hated going to nursery, but did adjust.
He is the most extroverted person I know. Will talk to anyone, go anywhere (like 2 weeks away last summer and this without any of us).
But equally, he is still a Mummy's boy, and will come for "snuggles".

It's perfectly normal and healthy. DS was the same, by the time he went to a childminder at 20 months I could leave him with no signs of separation anxiety at all. Only cried on the second day of going to a cover childminder when his regular one was on holiday. He was confident starting school, despite being one of the youngest. You wouldn't have know I couldn't put him down for the first five months!