Maybe a silly question but I have always wondered and worried....

[Sillyworries]

If vaginal Vs emcs or even elective sections don't make a difference and it's not massively important, why am I asked about this at so many health appointments?

What of the importance of skin to skin. My baby is no longer a baby but I am still always worrying about the fact that we had an emcs with zero skin to skin and then I was unable to hold the baby at all for 2 days and then only for short periods during the day. What kind of effect do "they" say this has on a child long term?

I'm always told it doesn't matter, but if it doesn't matter why are we asked at appointments even a few years later and why do they stress the importance of skin to skin after birth? I tried to make up for it when the baby was well enough to be carried but it's not the same is it 😢

There is the perfect ideal and then there is what is possible given the circumstances.
There are a squillion factors that influence our lives and this one fork in the road is only one of many many others, it isn't even the most influential one.
You being alive and well and baby being alive and well because of the miracle of the emcs is the absolute most crucial thing.
Your bond is still strong, the baby was nurtured and loved and that is the most important thing.

I wasn't able to hold my daughter for the first couple days, and couldn't start breastfeeding for three. We are extremely close i don't think it had any affect at all. I think it's nice of course and I'm sure beneficial, but the lack of it is not detrimental if you see what I mean.
Also I've never been asked if I had this kind of contact with my children ever.

Can I recommend you listen to this conversation, the part I think will resonate with you the most is towards the end but it is all relevant to your thoughts...
https://open.spotify.com/episode/36EfgW0an9G6rvSJTCJjoN?si=TNEHcrLeQdmrrGk5tvrv0g

Same one different location...
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-instinct-of-birth/id1478171281?i=1000452742846

I always thought that they were more asking it to understand if a baby had any difficulties at birth rather than the actual mode of birth being the focus. I’ve had two c sections for very different reasons; one has no impact on my DCs health and the other has the potential for it.
Im not sure about the long term impacts of skin to skin, it’s more about the short term goal of bonding. I was similar to you and my bond with my DC who was in SCBU is no different to my one who wasn’t in terms of strength.

This is very true. Thank you. There are so many factors, and this single one isn't going to doom my child to an awful life. I just feel bad about it sometimes and hope it hasn't caused any long term damage either psychological or physical.

It's only the birth itself I'm asked about, not skin to skin. It's just that you see people horrified when they hear how in the past babies were whisked off to a nursery within the hospital instead of skin to skin and so I worry about that part too. If they just feel abandoned in their first hours or days or something.

Is it the emcs that has the potential to cause issues later? Good to hear that you see no difference between yours now. I have heard one couple who say they sent a baby to nursery at 3 months and say they think it made a difference to the one they sent at 1yr, so I did worry.

Thank you so much. I love Spotify whilst doing house work, so this will be a good listen for that.

It can change the presentation of certain things. For example the head appears to 'grow' more after a vaginal birth (esp if suction cup used) than a section, when it's actually just going back to its non squeezed shape.
Also they don't know that it doesn't matter how you birth unless they ask these questions.

Its the reasons why I had the c section that have the potential to have the impact not the actual c section; that saved her and my life.

With DD1 I got skin to skin, breastfed etc. It had been a long birth that ended in an episiotomy and ventouse. I felt so shocked and overwhelmed I couldn’t take anything in. I wasn’t myself for months afterwards, worried I hadn’t bonded, probably had postnatal depression. Poor DD ended up back hospital a few days later with bad jaundice, and then a month later was very ill and back in hospital with a IV. We are incredibly close now but those early days were very hard.

With DS1 I had an elective section, baby cleaned up and wrapped up in a blanket then handed to me. Bottle fed from birth. Perhaps because it was second time around but I just felt so happy and bonded and chatted to him whilst I was being stitched up. Bonded from day 1 absolutely no issues. Happy mum and baby.

Both births were magical and life changing. But my first birth felt more mentally traumatic for me and DD seemed to have more physically traumatic after effects despite getting those early things like skin to skin and first breastfeed.

I suppose what I’m trying to say in a long winded way is, from a purely medical perspective it is good to know how baby arrived and what the physical ramifications have been for you as a result. I can see why that is information that is helpful to know. But things like skin to skin, breastfeeding etc. are so down to the individual and so personal that it will affect every mother differently. Both positive and negative.

On personal experience I don’t believe skin to skin is essential for bonding. It is lovely but it is not essential.

They ask about the birth because there may be reasons that led to an emergency c-section that may present themselves again this time. Also I’m not sure but having too many c-sections may mean it’s not possible to have a vaginal birth due to strain on the scars??

With both my daughter's and my autism assessments, every set of questions or interview we had asked detailed questions about her/my birth. Even a counsellor that DD saw when she was little asked me about her birth and then nodded sagely. I had no idea it was a thing.