Being a good guest

[Bubblescrub]

Way back in the time before kids, DH and I were best friends with another couple. I lived in a houseshare with my friend before I moved in with DH.

Time has flown by, DH and I moved abroad but would visit our friends when we went to the UK. Then they also moved abroad, DH and I had 2 kids and we just lost touch, much to my regret.

Last summer our friends were holidaying in the country DH and I live (but about 2.5 hours away). They got in touch and we met in a town halfway. It was like time had never passed and we had so much fun. They repeatedly asked us to come and visit them in their house.

We‘ve taken them up on their offer and have arranged to stay at their house for 10 days (it’s a 5 hour flight- I originally said 7 days and friend encouraged us to stay longer). I have insisted that they don’t need to babysit us, we are there to visit them but understand they will want their own space.

We are leaving in 2 weeks and I am starting to feel nervous about it. I want to be a good guest and not get on their nerves. They do not have children, ours are 7 and 3. I don’t want to overwhelm them but also don’t want to be a freeloader.

I‘m planning on bringing a suitcase of goodies from our country. Plus we will get our own food and contribute to their shopping, plus take them out for dinner at least once/ buy their drinks when we‘re out.

What else can we do to be good guests?

Hire a car and disappear off for the day with the kids: they might not want that much time with you all

Wash the pots / empty bins without a fuss .
Get from under their feet for a full day at least twice.
Remember their home won't be child friendly so ask them to remove and fragile, dangerous etc

Watch your three year old like a hawk from the moment they wake until they’re asleep. Seriously, nothing is more infuriating than a parent seemingly unconcerned/not noticing their toddler trashing your house (especially if you aren’t a parent yourself!). Even if it means they get a bit more screen time or whatever is needed to occupy them.

If you can persuade both children to do little thank you cards/drawings, these are things that I really treasure (once I’ve smoothed the house back down 🙈)

Otherwise, it sounds like you’re all set and you’ll be a lovely guest.

Take any stain or spillage seriously. Go to bed before them so they get time out.

I'd be bricking 10 days with my kids in someone else's home too, but you do sound a reasonable type OP so that's the best possible start.

Agree warn them to put anything that can attract small hands up. If they say no, do it for them.

Don't wait to be asked to do something, just say "I'm going to run the hoover round, where do you keep it?".

I agree about either hiring a car or going off on an all-dayer on the train.

Do they know a reliable teen that could babysit so you can go out for a couple of grown up dinners?

Is DH on side with picking up and sorting the kids?

Learn where the tea / coffee / drinks are etc and , after checking, just help yourself. Nothing worse than constantly having to check if people want a drink because you know they won't get one themselves without offering

I also wouldn't take too much from your country. See what they actually like and use in their home and replace it. I think it's important to be more than generous.

Bring champagne and wine and be the bar steward every evening. That's what I love when friends stay!
Share cooking, don't say 'it's ok', let them help. Or take over.
Move your kids stuff into one area each evening.
Have fun, mainly. Take a game to play together even if it's just a couple of packs of cards.
Big box of posh chocs and good coffee to share.And a nice liqueur or brandy.
Buy groceries.
Thank you card bought before you leave home and left for them when you leave.
Leave your unused suncreams, toiletries etc.

Book an overnight trip in the middle of the visit to give them some space.
Clear up after yourselves & the kids.
Have a few early nights so they get "couple time" without you.

So many great tips, thanks! We will definitely be heading off on our own, we already have a few day trips planned. I don’t want them to feel like they have to entertain us.

DH is generally quite hands on with the kids so hopefully it won’t all land on me.

Will make sure we do our share of the cooking. The idea of helping ourselves to stuff feels awkward, but I can see how it takes the pressure off the host to be on top of keeping us happy. And I would always welcome that in my house, so I‘m sure our friends feel the same.

Don't rearrange anything. Or criticise their set up.

A mid holiday overnight away sounds good. I think you want them to feel spoiled. But helpful spoiled. Things that potentially save them money.