To feel like I'm not sure about boundaries?

[Hotfuninthesummertime]

It's hard to explain but I feel like I'm not really sure what's normal and what's not. Growing up I was taught to be good and not react so if something happened I'd just let it go so not to make a fuss! As I got older I'd have friends who looking back were taking the piss but I never really knew how to call it out. Its like I don't know where the boundaries lie .

I know what you mean - I was taught to tolerate a parent with an explosive temper, we all tiptoed around the person. This taught me that I have to accommodate people's moods and not complain, on the one hand, and that anger is bad (as I saw my parent's anger and its consequences). So I have a hard time acknowledging that anger can be a very healthy and necessary emotion.
I have been getting better at recognizing all these responses, but it'll always be a sensitive spot for me. Turning my anger inwards - anxiety - is a lifelong issue.

I think this is common. I’m a people pleaser and my boundaries have been quite shit. What I am learning if that if something feels uncomfortable / annoying and that feeling keeps reoccurring then that is because something has pushed a personal boundary even if I try to rationalise it. If a feeling keeps coming back - listen to it. That’s your boundary.

This is really common especially for women. There’s lots of stuff on the internet and also books about boundaries. Or you could work with a therapist to help you.

Very normal.
I think there are more people who aren't even aware of boundaries as a concept than there are people who value and use their boundaries effectively.

You have to decide what’s acceptable and what isn’t- ask yourself do I want to do this?

Come up with some standard sayings - Oh lovely, can I think about it and get back to you? Or I’ll just check my calendar etc this gives you some thinking time and you can decide if you are available or want to do something.

I'm so glad other people struggle. When I was little I was taught not to show any anger even though my mother was an angry person. I feel like it's made me a bit unable to really see things for what they are ?? If that makes sense.

I hear you op. I think I'm a bit this way too. Everything was about managing other people's feelings in my family. I was always last in the queue for consideration.

I realise how much I still follow that pattern now.

It's like I don't react to anything. It's something I find odd.