Teenage son with very slow growth - any experiences with hospital referral?

[RedGreenBlueSky]

DS is very small for age. 13 and around 4 foot 8. Has only grown 2.5cm in the last year. He's always been on the small side but the difference between him and his peers is getting more extreme. He finally has hospital appointment at a growth clinic in next couple of months. Does anyone have experience of what to expect?

I'm feeling incredibly guilty about not asking GP earlier (we have always taken approach that his height doesn't matter and if he's happy and it doesn't bother him then all's good) but he's just never really had growth spurts and done any catching up that I was expecting would eventually come. It's started to bother him recently and he's struggling with people's comments at school. I'm 5 7 and his dad is 5 8. I always assumed he'd not be massive but at least get to my height... now I'm not so sure and am worried for him as there's such an emphasis on height being important in men.

If the kids are genuinely very late to puberty then they can continue growing up to age 20

Just an update- my son is having a test next week to see if he can make testosterone as his levels were very low.

@hopeishere I hope it all goes well. I've just looked back at you earlier comments - is this all being done privately or in nhs now? How old is your son? Good luck

Hope all goes well hopishere.

We are waiting for blood test results and have had an xray. Got another GP appt coming up to discuss the results and see where we go from there.

This is NHS.

My brother was 4 ft 9 at 13. Like your son his voice hadn’t dropped. Very few signs of pubery. They did a hormone and bone scan (along with allergy tests) and found he hadn’t started growing yet & we were told to give him vitamins ACD, Iron and Calcium and lots of protein. At 14 he grew a whole foot in a single summer - was in agony, had horrible stretchmarks, he needed pain medication at one point. Then after that between 14-18 he grew 5 inches. He’s just over 6 ft 2 now.

Wenfy, this is my worry for my 12 year old. He's currently around 143cm (so around 4ft6), he's had a lot of issues since Year7 began with other Year7s taunting him for his height or lack of. The word other parents use to describe him is Dinky .. and he is in comparison to the boys (and a lot of the girls) he went to primary with. He's also got beautiful red hair (orange as he calls it) and wears glasses so the being shorter thing was just another thing for them to pick on him for. Comments about his hair and glasses never seemed to bother him that much but the height hit a nerve and eventually he ended up snapping in the playground and trying to hit one of the ones who kept taunting him (turned out it had been going for weeks). School took it very seriously and gave him a detention and we had serious words about how to react, not to react etc but also a lot of cuddles. He has tried to build a niche for himself as a bit of a clown to compensate and keep the mean kids away.

His dad is 6ft4 and so we always assumed he'd start to catch up but he's always been an incredibly slow grower. He had an apt with a specialist earlier in the year who said he's miles from puberty but may spout up around 15. I remember growing pains and I'm only 5ft4 so I'm really hoping he doesn't find it too tough.

My friends child is having this done at the moment. There's weirdly lots of stuff on TikTok from parents about it.
She's found it quite useful.

vm.tiktok.com/ZGJQj8KT3/

It's all NHS now. He is 15 and is 4ft 9.

DS2 ended up tiny - I mean tiny as far as being a man is concerned. (5ft4)

We were told to 'go away, he'll have a late growth spurt' and then told 'you've left it too late, his bones have fused - he can't take growth hormones now.' With hindsight I would have pestered for more regular check ups but DS had a host of other medical problems and I was really concerned he was getting conscious of being 'not right' and 'not normal'. But if your DS's health is otherwise fine, i would push very hard to keep referrals regular and to explore all options.

Society is cruel to short men - no two ways about it. Loads of women refuse to date a short man and - my particular hate - think that any man who happens to be short and a not wholly charming has 'short man syndrome' (My take on this is that a huge number of other men must have 'everage height man syndrome' or 'tall man syndrome' to account for their aggression or drive or neuroses.)

DS went through a phase of being extremely down about it. Of believing he'd never get a girlfriend. I did a load of confidence work with him. I made a Pinterest of gorgeous, successful short men who got the girls and plain, ordinary short men who were happily married and successful in their jobs. We found fashion blogs by short men and articles by women who said how much they adored their partners who were several inches shorter than them.

DS met a lovely girl and they dated for several months. They split, but that made him realise that it's possible to find love. He's recently started dating online again and hasn't found height a barrier at all so far. He still gets checked at the door of lots of clubs and bars, and recently went on holiday to Scandinavia where men are both tall and blunt and was told with astonishment, 'Man you are short like a child!' by hotel porters etc but these days he just doesn't care. He's even done some modelling for a menswear brand.

My advice is to encourage him to decide not to feel resentful about it. and not to compare himself to other men. Keep saying - the world needs all sorts of people in it. It thrives on diversity. He can't change his height but he can choose how he copes with the social prejudice about it. Short men with a positive self-esteem do far better in job interviews and in love and socially than ones who feel bitter and depressed about it. DS has been both and he now sees that his attitude is everything.

@NeverendingCircus May I ask, did your son start puberty within the normal age for a boy or was he a late starter?

My 16 year old started when he was 11 but is only 4"10. By far the smallest in his year and shorter than most year 7 kids. He has facial and body hair, deep voice, wide ish shoulders but just doesnt grow upwards.

I'm wondering if it's worth speaking to gp.

Honestly I would speak to the GP it's can't do any harm. I sort of regret that we didn't push it more between 13 and 14 and am relieved he can still have treatment if necessary.

@hopeishere Thank you. I think I will.

Yes, started at the normal age. His dad is 6'1 and I am only 5'4 so we expected him to be somewhere in the middle. DS1 is 5'10. But as I say, he had a lot of other medical issues that could have maybe contributed to stunted growth.

i agree with @hopeishere . Early teens is the time to start negotiating with GPs to get a referral, especially if you live in an area where the first response is always to fob you off.

@NeverendingCircus that's a lovely post about you DS. You're right that self esteem makes a huge difference to how they will cope with this when older if they remain short. I hope I can help my DS build his as much as you have with yours.

Thank you.

it took a few years and it was very tough for him during late teens when everyone else was dating. Expect to do lots of reassuring for at least a couple of years.

If you need them - I have masses of 'proof' of how short men can be every bit as attractive, successful and happy as tall men.

I haven’t read the whole thread yet, but I want to jump in here because I’m afraid this advice is worthless.

No amount of confidence building or body positivity will be enough to counteract the downright rudeness and sneeriness of strangers. From crushing comments that undermine all of the confidence you've built to the nastiness surrounding 'small men'.

It's the wider population who needs to do work, not our children. Yes, I will keep working on raising great, compassionate humans, but I'm afraid this is not the answer. There is nothing wrong with seeing medical advice about this.

Ds1 is small for his age and is now 5 foot 6 at age 18. He hasn’t grown for the past four years really but hit puberty early on and has the typical hair pattern on his lower torso indicating that puberty is complete and so it’s highly unlikely he will grow much more if at all. It’s really hard on him. His younger brother is only just 16 and is 6 foot. It’s ridiculous because height shouldn’t affect anything in life but it does.

I feel sad for him. If his younger brother was also short it wouldn’t be an issue as much but it’s harsh for him to be so much shorter. My father also made a thoughtless Del Boy and Rodney comment once which really didn’t help (I think he thought they wouldn’t get the reference).

My son has now an "official" diagnosis of delayed puberty. Very low testosterone levels. He's going to have a short course of hormone treatment now.

My son went through puberty at 13 and went from 4ft 8 to about 5ft 3. He's now 16 and only 5ft 5 so hasn't grown much since. His shoe size has stayed the same for years too. He hasn't reached my height yet either. He's really hoping he will get taller. I wouldn't worry too much until puberty kicks in.

I used to feel sad for DS2 as he is very shorter (shorter than your DS) until I realised that didn't help at all.

In the end, I took a tougher approach and just said, yes you are very small for a man, but that's not a failing. People who think it is are tossers. You need to grow a thick skin and loads of confidence and never let it stop you from doing anything you want. Don't buy the lie that short men don't get girls. Look for all the evidence to the contrary.

For a few years he was really worried and bitter about it and went down the incel reddit rabbit hole. And then one day he just realised that was a useless way to think, completely turned around his attitude (some great friends gave him pep talks).

He has great friendships, a great job, and no problem attracting women. Help your son to 100% accept and like himself, to be extremely happy and confident in his own skin and to take pride in his appearance. You can't change his height but you can teach him to ignore prejudice and never let it knock his confidence.

@NeverendingCircus that's a really lovely post about your DS and I'm so glad that he's made peace with his height and has confidence and self-esteem. Your tips may come in very helpful for me, as I'm quite worried at the moment.

My DS is 15 (will be 16 in Nov), went through early puberty (around age 11-12) and is only 5'6". We took him to an endocrinologist last year who said all was well and his growth plates were still open and not to worry, but he hasn't grown since then so we've just taken him to a different one, who's run all the tests again. This time they've done a blood test to see if he has low HGH, low testosterone or anything else, but I come from a family of quite small men, so I fear it could be genetic. It's so worrying. I just want him to get a normal height. He plays a sport where being small is generally a disadvantage and he's now facing having to change position, because of his size

I'm glad this thread has popped back up. I've spoken to every GP in my surgery (all 5 of them) and have been fobbed off. Not sure where to go from here. Can't afford to go private.
DS measured at 4"11 (and a half😁) Surely it's worth looking into? His 10yo sibling is not far off his height now and it's really getting him down 😔

He's due to start year 11 in a new setting and he's worried about the midget "jokes" already. He has such low self esteem because of being teased over something entirely out of his control and I'm worried for him too.

Following with interest as my son is 13 and 4 ft 8. He’s healthy and active but isn’t currently showing any signs of puberty and I’m not sure at what point I should be concerned. He’s self conscious about his height already so don’t want to make that worse my making him feel like being short is a medical issue but obviously don’t want to leave it too long if there is a problem.

I'm going through this now with my son who's 16. He says women don't like short men and lots of other really negative stuff. His self esteem is really low. He would like to be taller but he hasn't grown in ages and went through puberty 12/13.
It's a shame there's such a negative opinion of short men. He's the same height as my dh, I'm actually 1.5inches taller. My dh has had the short man jokes all through his life. Literally all the time but he doesn't care and laughs it off.