I've just matched with someone for the first tome! Help!!!

[midnightblue12]

I'm painfully shy so please help me 🙈🙈🙈

I matched someone on bumble and I'm too scared to message. Do they normally message first? What's the OLD etiquettes???

Women have to message first on Bumble iirc. Send a casual message which includes a question about something on their profile. Good luck!

Ok - it’s exciting but please remember - there are lots of men out there. You’ll
match with many. This isn’t your one and only chance and you WILL make some mistakes on OLD and it won’t be the end of the world. When you start it can feel really all or nothing but it really isn’t. The chances are huge that the guy on the other end of the messages isn’t taking this as seriously as you are so don’t over invest and don’t think of it as anything with more significance than chatting to someone at the bus stop.

Aww thank you both!
I sent a jokey message annnndddd...... no reply 🙈 Oh well, at least the first message was out of the way!

@AtomicBlondeRose

“…don’t think of it as anything with more significance than chatting to someone at the bus stop.”

And THIS is why I like mumsnet, for these little nuggets of wisdom.

Just be aware, there are so many more
men on dating sites than there are women. Women are really picky on these sites, because we’re not desperate and there are literally loads and loads of guys. We swipe left mostly, and only swipe right on a few.

A lot of men will swipe right on loads and loads of women, just to increase their chances of getting matches because they know they’re one in a thousand others. They only really properly look at profiles after a match has been made and then might decide that actually, they don’t want to talk so they won’t reply.

Don’t get so excited about a match. Don’t even get excited when you’re chatting. Just keep your emotions in check.

As you’re obviously new to Bumble, are you aware you only have 24 hours to reply? And then they only have 24 hours too? After that I don’t think there are any time limits, just the initial two messages.

having done a little online dating I’d say

keep your standards high
and your tolerance for nonsense very low

Thank you all!
Yes I'm totally new to OLD! I don't have major expectations, but hopefully it will help me build my confidence if anything ☺️

So can I ask, if I swipe do they have to swipe in order for the chat box to appear? Would they see my whole profile at that point?

I feel like anyone will see I have 2 children and run a mile 🙈☹️

They can see your whole profile right away. It’s just that a lot of men don’t really read them and just swipe right on anyone they think is half ok. They’ll only read your profile if you match and then change your mind.

You can only chat if you match and on bumble, they cannot message you first. You have to match and then you need to message them first.

But lots of people do read and kids isn’t a big problem. I have 2 kids. I’ve matched and chatted with quite a lot of people. Been seeing one guy for a couple weeks and spent the night at his house last night and it was really nice, however I have s date next week with someone who I have totally clicked online with and we have so much more in common so if that date goes well then I don’t know what to do about last night guy!

Having kids isn’t getting in the way for me, and I’m 33 so looking at people who are 31 to 39 and it hasn’t been an issue.

Aww thank you!
I got some confidence last night and swiped for a few profiles... anyway no chat has appeared so I'm assuming they didn't swipe me?

I hope eventually someone will at least talk to me 💀

I'm only on bumble currently!

It could be that they haven’t seen your profile yet. Just because you were shown theirs doesn’t mean they were shown yours.

My lovely, I wish you nothing but the best but OLD is NOT the place to ‘build your confidence’. Don’t be afraid to step away or delete the app for a while if the interactions you are having do not make you feel good.

You’ll get a notification when you’ve had a match. A chat box won’t appear but in the chat section, their profile will be at the top in a yellow circle and you can select it and send a message.

They won’t see your profile just because you’ve seen theirs. They will eventually, if they are still using the app, and if they swipe right then you’ll get a match notification.

You just have to get out there and swipe if you want to meet people. Don’t get hung up on anyone from a profile or a chat though. Do not get invested. Arrange a short date (like a coffee) within the first day or 2 of talking. If they mess you about, move on.

This is excellent advice - as soon as you're not enjoying it, step away. There are some great people on there but also some utter toilets.

Aww thanks all!
It's not that I'm not enjoying it, I just think I don't really understand it! I'm excited to start talking and seeing what's going on!
Do appreciate the care though ☺️

I need to sit down and actually rwad about how it works as I didn't know that they swipe me aswell 🙈😅

@onlyamam utter toilets, I like that saying 😅

Well, that’s how you get a match.

You go through profiles and swipe. Men go through profiles and swipe. If you both swipe right on each other, then it is a match and you can send them a message.