Shall I just go away and hide (forever)?

[Beeinalily]

Just recently I've:
Told people that an unassuming man at work belonged to the National Front (National Trust)
Proclaimed that Dick Van Dyke was caught for his many heinous crimes because he shot a cockerel (Dick Turpin) and
Answered a quiz question asking who was Ebenezer Scrooge's partner with Bob Marley (Jacob - but you knew that).
Anyone out there dafter than me?

😂😂😂

I'll never forget reading out part of the Xmas story at junior school and saying 'gold, frankenstein and myrrh.'

Years ago playing Trivial Pursuit at Xmas with family. Mum was asked "what country has a coastline 3 and a half miles long?"

Mum answered "Great Britain".😐

I always thought Dick van Duke was too good to be true! 😁Chickens everywhere are battening down the hatches! Or should that be hatchlings....

I was once asked who Henry IV’s famous father was and answered, Henry VIII.

but I’m more intrigued … where are you planning on hiding away forever? Perhaps I could join you.

While watching Pirates of the Caribbean I asked - what ocean is this set in? 😳

"Was Joan of Arc Noah's wife?"

Luckily I can't claim that for myself, that one goes to my beloved sister 😆

Told the school ds wasn't coming due to problems in his "boy department" (pretty sure they thought I said joy department tbh) I was overtired it's my only excuse

You reminded me of one I saw years ago:
Boy 1 "I bring you gold"
Boy 2 "I bring you myrhh"
Boy 3 "I bring you... I bring you.." <quizzical look to teacher off stage who loudly whispers "FRANKINCENSE" a couple of times>
Boy 3 again "Oh yeah, Frankie sent this!"

Yours are pretty accomplished mistakes OP. I also tend to confuse some famous/notorious people who share surnames but not first names.

Can't tell you which though as I can't recall...

Haha, we call the National Trust the National Front in our house... eg. Shall we renew the National Front membership again DH? Etc...
I can definitely imagine doing that by accident.

If it makes you feel any better I didn't notice anything wrong with your examples until you pointed it out, although I am on my first cup of tea!

I might not have noticed face to face though as I am used to my parents who both use so many malapropisms I'm used to ignoring the words and just guessing the meaning.

I usually only realise when I see the smirk on DP's face, and he now does an occasional impression of a Rastafarian Jacob Marley which is pretty good. As for where I'm going to hide, it's not a place it's behind some Groucho Marx style glasses and moustache. And even then I nearly put Alfred Marks, there's really no hope for me!

If you work with any Paediatricians please exercise extra care when discussing them.

I recently asked a gay couple, who are adopting, which one of them they thought the baby would look like. I like to think I’ve otherwise largely got my shit together, but I’ll never forget the look on their faces.

I once, in a discussion about the World Cup, confused a vuvuzela with a vajazzle, to the joy of all present.

If a colleague told others I was a member of the National Front, I'd be seriously pissed off, and might well make a complaint. The others seem fairly harmless. By the way, I'm great fun at parties.

I think Stephen Fry recounted this story, as it was a question on University Challenge:

What was Gandhi's first name?
"Goosey" answered the student 🤣

That still makes me laugh now. Can you imagine saying that on TV- the family would never let you live it down!

I found this on a web site:

LINCS FM

DJ: "Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?"

Contestant: "Barcelona."

DJ: "I was really after the name of a country."

Contestant: "I don't know the name of any countries in Spain."

Once at school we were reading Shakespeare aloud. I had to read the lines “From whence though willingly I came to Denmark
To show my duty in your coronation.”

But instead of “coronation” I said “Coronation Street” 😆

You win 😂

@SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress I also never ask for a blow dry at the hairdressers...

@CharlottenBurger Dick van Dyke may not agree with you.

I can imagine