Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Is this just the UK?

74 replies

Relaxationdayifonly · 28/05/2023 11:27

My mother is 81. She’s a very smart, well-groomed 81. Yesterday it was warm and sunny and she was wearing loafers, pale grey linen ankle grazers and a cream silk shirt as a jacket. Her hair is blonde.

Point I’m making is she isn’t a cartoon frail old lady with a stick.

The thing is she isn’t as sprightly as she might at first seem. Her legs are beginning to trouble her (she has all kinds of circulatory problems which she plays down). She walks quite slowly now and rests often.

Yesterday we were out in the city centre. We used the crossing to cross the road. (There was no button/beeping, just black and white paint.) It’s not a terribly fast road.

It felt tricky because a car stopped but the sun was blazing and in my eyes etc and I couldn’t see the driver very well. I kind of waved a thank you - we hadn’t stepped out, If that’s relevant, we had stood waiting for a car to let us cross.

Anyway, we crossed the road. Slowly. Elderly lady crosses road slowly. I reach the island in the middle of the road, my mother is a few steps behind me. Driver blasts his horn loud enough for both of us (but particularly her) to nearly jump out of our skin, she nearly fell over with the shock because it was very close to her, and shouts out of his window something along the lines of “it’s a ROAD it’s for CARS you’re not supposed to TAKE ALL DAY you bloody idiots”.

Is this just our country, because we know that we don’t value or respect our elderly relatives the way they do in say, Asian cultures, or indeed parts of Europe?

It just seems so, I don’t know, barbaric?
An elderly lady being harassed because she can’t move fast enough. She we just lock them inside do you think, because they can’t go as fast as we need them to?

Sigh.

OP posts:
Zarataralara · 28/05/2023 12:41

The “I’m more important than you” attitude does seem to be prevalent in Britain. I noticed it as soon as I moved back here. People are very full of their own self importance.

CottonSock · 28/05/2023 12:45

I stopped at a zebra the other day and a very elderly couple literally tried to run across it so not to keep me waiting. I gasped as I was so sure they would fall. Horrible they felt they had too. I did shout please don't rush but I don't think they heard me.

Mamaneedsadrink · 28/05/2023 12:47

Might be. I went with my parents to India a few years ago when they were older, was impressed at how much the were respected. People standing up for them, the way they were spoken to etc

Tots678 · 28/05/2023 12:47

In China you do NOT look towards the oncoming traffic. If they see that you have clicked them then drivers don’t stop- if you make a point if not noticing them then they’ll let you cross!

HoldingTheDoor · 28/05/2023 12:47

Yes, but I thought jaywalking was crossing where there isn't a pedestrian crossing. I'm talking about crossing on a pedestrian crossing when there is a red man. I thought that wasn't allowed, just as it's not allowed for cars to go on a crossing when there is a red light for them. Seems normal for me that it would be the same rules for all.

No. It isn't against the law for pedestrians to cross on red at a pedestrian crossing.

I'm slow and I have disabilities could cross ten times over on some quiet roads before the light changes. Some of them take so long. I'm not waiting about if there's no traffic. I'm very cautious though but I'm not waiting all day.

Tots678 · 28/05/2023 12:47

Clocked

kitsuneghost · 28/05/2023 12:49

That's not a UK thing. It's just a random arsehole thing. You get arseholes in every country/culture

HoldingTheDoor · 28/05/2023 12:51

Let's not romanticise how other countries treat elderly people. I've seen certain countries be praised for their treatment of elderly people, including India, yet elder abuse and abandonment is remarkably common in many of them.

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 28/05/2023 12:54

Ah yes, you encountered one inpatient knobhead so the entire country is the problem.

NewPinkJacket · 28/05/2023 12:57

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 28/05/2023 12:54

Ah yes, you encountered one inpatient knobhead so the entire country is the problem.

This ^^

I really hate threads where the OP is completely disingenuous.

Why not just have a completely justified moan about how her mum was treated by a rude driver? No need for all the pretence.

"Are you supposed to stay inside when you reach a certain age?" 🙄

doubleoseven · 28/05/2023 12:58

Yes. Angry men only exist in the UK. In all other countries men are kind and respectful to women and the elderly at all times. Sorry but that is a dumb question.

MrsMikeDrop · 28/05/2023 13:00

HoldingTheDoor · 28/05/2023 12:51

Let's not romanticise how other countries treat elderly people. I've seen certain countries be praised for their treatment of elderly people, including India, yet elder abuse and abandonment is remarkably common in many of them.

Erm righto. Would love to see some stat's on that versus Western countries. Asian countries in particular do treat elderly better, that is just a fact

TeaYarn · 28/05/2023 13:00

The behaviour you described isn’t unique to the UK but it’s much more commen place here.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 28/05/2023 13:08

Gwenhwyfar · 28/05/2023 12:37

"Jaywalking isn't illegal here. You can cross the road whenever you want (unless it's a motorway or there's a specific sign that prohibits it)."

Yes, but I thought jaywalking was crossing where there isn't a pedestrian crossing. I'm talking about crossing on a pedestrian crossing when there is a red man. I thought that wasn't allowed, just as it's not allowed for cars to go on a crossing when there is a red light for them. Seems normal for me that it would be the same rules for all.
Anyway, where I live now you can cross where you want, but the police absolutely will tell you off if you cross a pedestrian crossing with a red man for pedestrians.

No, it's not illegal.

The crossings are there to make it safe for pedestrians to cross the road but there's no obligation for those pedestrians to wait for the light to go green or to press the button in the first place.

So1invictus · 28/05/2023 13:13

Here in Italy the car wouldn't have stopped in the first place. When my mum used to come and stay, and take DD out for a walk, it was difficult convincing her that a pedestrian crossing is almost inevitably the most dangerous place to cross as the pedestrian thinks they're ok, the oncoming car thinks otherwise.

Gwenhwyfar · 28/05/2023 13:14

"It isn't against the law for pedestrians to cross on red at a pedestrian crossing."

Thanks to everyone who corrected me on this. I took my parents' word as gospel.
Where I live now, it is illegal however.

FourTeaFallOut · 28/05/2023 13:15

Oh, another one of those ... Are we the worst people in the world threads? 🙄🙄🙄

MrsMikeDrop · 28/05/2023 13:15

HoldingTheDoor · 28/05/2023 13:08

Yes but that's actively searching for stats on elder abuse on Asian countries right? So where's the comparison stat's because i wouldn't agree with that based on my own observation in everyday life and travel

MrsMikeDrop · 28/05/2023 13:17

Eg ... it's pretty rare for someone to give up their seat to an old person on a bus!!

So1invictus · 28/05/2023 13:19

HoldingTheDoor · 28/05/2023 12:51

Let's not romanticise how other countries treat elderly people. I've seen certain countries be praised for their treatment of elderly people, including India, yet elder abuse and abandonment is remarkably common in many of them.

Quite. It always tickles me when people who've been to Sorrento for a long weekend go on about how wonderful Italians are with children and the elderly. That'll be why many elderly people are shunted off to convents, or moved into "monolocali" (bedsits) (at pavement level) while their families take over their houses. Or you're asked "you're a foreigner, do you know any Romanians?" (Romanian- and other women from Eastern Europe are typically paid slave wages by families to do the feeding and arse wiping they don't want to) Same families who sure, take their kids to restaurants (letting them run riot) but when they've had enough, they'll be walloped in public and nobody will bat an eyelid.

HoldingTheDoor · 28/05/2023 13:19

This is why I despise the romanticisation of care for the elderly and the attitude that keeping people at home at all costs is the right thing to do. Carers and family members need support whether they are British. Indian or Korean. It is not always feasible or wise to keep family members at home when they require constant care. What often results is burned out carers who suffer terribly themselves and inadequate care or neglect for the person requiring care.

I'm also not claiming that any one country in particular is the worst only that these problems exist in all countries and that I find the expectation that families should be able to manage alone contributes to the abuse, neglect of people requiring care and the poor mental health of carers so I don't much care for people romanticising other countries for their supposedly better attitudes when often it's only better on the surface.

Gwenhwyfar · 28/05/2023 13:20

MrsMikeDrop · 28/05/2023 13:17

Eg ... it's pretty rare for someone to give up their seat to an old person on a bus!!

Not in Wales it's not. Or the nearby areas in north west England.
Where do you live?

One thing I've seen in other countries, but not in the UK is letting old people go before you in a queue, but giving up seats I've absolutely seen in the parts of England and Wales I'm familiar with.