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Original poster

Want more friends but don't like people

30 replies

Blahblahblaaah · 28/05/2023 11:26

Does anyone else ever feel like this, or am I completely odd?

I have friends, I like them, love some of them. Due to kids, working patterns etc I probably only see a friend once a week, which is fine.
I sometimes think I'd like some more friends, but I never meet anyone I want to be friends with, and even when I do I can't see when I'd fit them in unless they want to do exactly what I want to do in the exact time frame I'm after.

I know IABU so theres no need to point that out, but does anyone else ever feel like this?
Is it just a hankering to fill rare bits of free time with friendships, but my free time rarely marrying up with friends free time? Or am I just strange beyond words?

OP posts:
SwirlyShirly · 28/05/2023 11:31

No I get you!! Some days I really wish I had a best friend to have fun with, share cocktails and such, but other days (most days actually) I just love being a solitary swamp witch and having to please nobody but myself and my kids and DH. I think I'm naturally quite a selfish person, and I hate the "other people" drama that comes with friendship groups. I have two good friends, but they live far away and meet ups are few and far between.

VWRabbit · 28/05/2023 11:35

I have exactly the same feelings. For me, it's quality over quantity... Which sadly means that the actual length of time with friends takes a hit. I absolutely cannot cope with people for more than three days/two nights, especially as I get older. And I can't seem to do too much of the banal chit chat which is usually needed to create new friendships. I wish I knew the answer because I don't want to be lonely. People being so busy is a huge contributor, as well as social media making us feel like we are perhaps closer than we really are, whilst letting the actual legwork of friendships slip a little.

YogaLite · 28/05/2023 11:37

My friends are linked to activity group (walking, theatre, occasional travel) rather than purely socialising which maybe a way to go for you?

We keep loosely in touch in-between meets but socialising mostly happens through activity. It seems to suit everyone.

EmpressSoleil · 28/05/2023 11:42

I feel the same about any relationship! I'm single and sometimes think it would be nice to have a partner to spend time with occasionally. But it would be selfish of me to expect to only see them on my terms, which would probably be a couple of times a month!

So yes, the same applies to friendships really. The older I get the more time I want/need to spend alone. I have adult DC I see regularly and that's enough for the most part.

Selfishly I also don't want to listen to anyone else's problems or provide any kind of emotional support. I'm quite happy doing my own thing and rarely feel bored so it works fine for me.

Allrightmylover · 28/05/2023 11:47

I have some great friends but unfortunately due to me moving around a lot when young they are scattered to the four winds. There are tiers of friendship, I have one close friend who lives locally and the rest are really nice but not the sort you let in to the inner workings of your mind.

I just spent over a week with my best bud back in my hometown, what I wouldn’t give for her to live round the corner. We have known each other for 35 years. I very unfortunately had a couple of really close, have revealed my true self totally to them friends die in the last 5 years. It’s one of the reasons I chose to retire very early at just over 50. I fortunately have a great pension and if DH and I broke up I’m financially solvent.

Original poster
Blahblahblaaah · 28/05/2023 13:59

I've found my people!
I don't consider myself to be especially interesting, but blow me some people are just soooooo boring, they want to tell you the minutai of their work, or their kids, or whatever, and just hold no interest for me.
My situation isn't helped by the fact I'm permanently knackered and like to be in bed by 9, so evenings out just don't interest me.
Perhaps I'll just make up an imaginery friend who likes the same as me, and talk to her 🤔

OP posts:
Zarataralara · 28/05/2023 14:02

I had an imaginary friend as a child who was far more interesting than any real friend I’ve ever had. 🙂

Zippedydoo123 · 28/05/2023 14:05

I hear you op.

Beenhereageskeepchangingname · 28/05/2023 14:12

I also think there is a lot of social pressure making people feel they are odd if they don’t have loads of friends, or constantly attending social activities.

but in my experience, it’s often not worth the agro of it all .

i have one social outing planned this week, that is more than enough for a while lol

magicstar1 · 28/05/2023 14:16

I’m exactly the same OP. I’ve always said I want a man who I can keep in a box. When I want him around I’ll let him out, and then put him back. Same with friends lol.

habiller · 28/05/2023 14:22

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ.

Gooligan · 28/05/2023 14:23

I once had loads of friends when I liked people, I now have none and don't like people.

I don't think the friends I had actually even genuinely as I did about them - cared about me or anyone anyway. I see many friend groups who hate each other and are fake.

I recently watched a clip with a psychologist, he said men are violent or outwardly insulting to each other and women are violent towards each other in a n underhand way. I assume he is of the words and deeds are violence camp which surprised me as he was Jordan Peterson.

Gooligan · 28/05/2023 14:26

Beenhereageskeepchangingname · 28/05/2023 14:12

I also think there is a lot of social pressure making people feel they are odd if they don’t have loads of friends, or constantly attending social activities.

but in my experience, it’s often not worth the agro of it all .

i have one social outing planned this week, that is more than enough for a while lol

We are less in various sized cults/groups by charismatic extroverts who push their way as the best way. They want to normalised their way, as charismatic people tend often to be personality disordered predators and they want access to as much as possible.

If I bother again with friends I will keep them separate and one on one.

Gwdihooooo · 28/05/2023 14:27

SwirlyShirly · 28/05/2023 11:31

No I get you!! Some days I really wish I had a best friend to have fun with, share cocktails and such, but other days (most days actually) I just love being a solitary swamp witch and having to please nobody but myself and my kids and DH. I think I'm naturally quite a selfish person, and I hate the "other people" drama that comes with friendship groups. I have two good friends, but they live far away and meet ups are few and far between.

This is also me! I think I’m too selfish and only just cope with dh and dc being around 🤣

CharlotteRumpling · 28/05/2023 14:28

I think " not liking people" and feeling overwhelmed by other people's problems is very, very common on MN.

Gwdihooooo · 28/05/2023 14:29

Blahblahblaaah · 28/05/2023 13:59

I've found my people!
I don't consider myself to be especially interesting, but blow me some people are just soooooo boring, they want to tell you the minutai of their work, or their kids, or whatever, and just hold no interest for me.
My situation isn't helped by the fact I'm permanently knackered and like to be in bed by 9, so evenings out just don't interest me.
Perhaps I'll just make up an imaginery friend who likes the same as me, and talk to her 🤔

This is why i never understood why people (mostly on here!) get so worked up about the school gate mums!… the only thing you usually have in common of that you have kids who go to the same school!… Most of the time they’re just dull to talk to

CharlotteRumpling · 28/05/2023 14:31

I am beginning to think I am the weirdo for finding most people quite interesting.

Dryfield · 28/05/2023 14:47

This is an interesting thread. I do like people, but generally in short bursts. I enjoy my own company but get a bit sad if I don't see anyone at all during the day. My DH is my best friend I suppose. I have other people who's company I enjoy, and happy to do basic chit chat with, or go deeper if it feels right. But then I like to go home and feel the peace of solitude.
My work means I see people and chat to them in their homes, so to a degree it fulfils my social needs, but I try to nurture my friendships so they don't fade away. I didn't even enjoy parties as a teen, though found birthday parties fun as a child. I come from a very sociable family, so learnt how to behave in public settings, which made socialising manageable, but now my rebelling takes the form of spending time by myself.
Every time I read one of these friendship threads, it prompt me to pick up my phone and message someone I haven't spoken to in a while!

Gooligan · 28/05/2023 15:23

CharlotteRumpling · 28/05/2023 14:31

I am beginning to think I am the weirdo for finding most people quite interesting.

I too find people interesting. I also find people broken and not always accepting of that fact in themselves and others.

UsingChangeofName · 28/05/2023 15:34

CharlotteRumpling · 28/05/2023 14:31

I am beginning to think I am the weirdo for finding most people quite interesting.

No, I find people interesting too.
I like people (generally - there are exceptions Wink )

ByeByeMr · 28/05/2023 15:35

😆 🤣

Aria999 · 28/05/2023 16:54

You see a friend once a week! I am lucky if I manage once a month.

And yes I totally get you. Friends are wonderful and necessary but life is too full to develop and sustain friendships.

I miss the old days like at university or early career job where there was just a big group of same stage people to hang out with.

Charliescat · 28/05/2023 17:17

I feel like the quote in Stand by Me about never having friends as good as you do when you are 12 is so true . These days I have a few friends but have nothing in common with them really they have children I don’t , one is retired I work full time the other one makes church her life I am an atheist . I’ve made a few friends through a hobby but we don’t really speak outside of the hobby even though I feel like these friends would probably be the people I have more in common with at this point in my life .
it sounds horrible but I spend all week when working having dull conversations with people I can’t stand and who probably don’t like me much either and I don’t really want to spend my free time doing that and whenever I do meet up with friends I find myself drifting out of conversations and wanting to be back home in my own space . I feel slightly jealous of people with very close friends but there seems to be so much drama around that when you read threads on here .

CharlotteRumpling · 28/05/2023 17:24

The drama thing on MN is another thing I dont get. Friends have come and gone for me, but no drama.

DutifulDaughterWifeMother · 28/05/2023 17:39

Hey OP, we should be friends! before I got ill about 7 years ago I was working full time & had friends. Since getting ill everyone has disappeared probably because I left work and I have been struggling with my illness & I did just drop off their radar & I just don’t have the brain space. If I am out which is rare & I try really hard to talk to people I happen to see & I am exhausted after. I just don’t want anyone seeing how hard things are for me now. There are times when I feel lonely but I don’t think I can do much about it as people can’t be bothered with someone who flakes on nights/days out. It can be mentally exhausting and people don’t get it & to be honest why should they. No one wants a poorly friend!