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Original poster

Couple friends: I miss them

17 replies

BansheeofInisherin · 27/05/2023 19:54

Somehow Dh and I have lost all our couple friends. A combination of the pandemic, DC growing up, and people just drifting away, I think. We are in our 50s. He has a few friends and I have a few friends whom we see separately, but no couple friends. DH has also become a terrible introvert thanks to wfh, and does a very stressful job, so shudders at the thought of inviting anyone over.

Today we were walking in the park, saw a lot of large groups having noisy picnics with young kids, and I felt a bit sad. I miss that stage.

We made an attempt to reconnect with some of our friends recently, but everybody had an excuse about being too busy for months, so we gave up. The CoL crisis is probably not helping. Our families are in another country too.

Do you all have couple friends?

OP posts:
msmatcha · 27/05/2023 19:56

Nope, I miss them too. I want another family to go camping with / skiing with / center parcs etc.

Original poster
BansheeofInisherin · 27/05/2023 20:03

I'd settle for couple friends to just go out to dinner with! But nowadays even simple dinner plans require weeks of texting back and forth.

DC are grown, have their own lives, and don't want to hang out with their boring parents obviously.

OP posts:
Allschoolsareartschools · 27/05/2023 20:03

Our best couple friend unexpectedly split up so though we can meet separately it's obviously not the same. I really miss the weekends we used to spend together & the nights out. Just shows you never know what might happen. We've got other couple friends but they're more my friends & dh gets on ok with their dhs.

lurchermummy · 27/05/2023 20:11

Yes me too the days of having friends over for a meal or meeting up at the pub seem to be over. We rarely socialise with other couples these days.

TheRealSnowWhite · 27/05/2023 20:23

I really avoid all the couple friends as much as I can now. I am a couple, two kids, loved cooking and dining out, having people round, picnics and going out, but just so busy now with my kids I realised I have more fun with my own little family than going through all the stress of arranging things with another couple.
Last year really might have been the last time. Got together with another couple and our kids their kids and played rounders in the park. But the teenage strops, the arranging food, and my friend bought just crisps (that my kids and her kids didn’t like!) and all the other thoughtless little things meant even though we had more fun than not, I won’t be going through that again.
Rounders in the park was brilliant. But I’ll stick with just my kids and random strangers in the park.
DH loved the couple families with kids we used to have round before lockdown, and my DM round or his family round, but I am now in a sort of rut. I couldn’t do it even if I tried. Revision, GCSEs exams and jobs don’t help.

The lockdown taught me that I really enjoy having no obligations to other peoples social lives.

But, am about to start a thread saying I miss that too:( lol 😂 so there’s no win. Like …I miss it, but have no mental energy and lost my enthusiasm for arranging these pallavas.

TheRealSnowWhite · 27/05/2023 20:27

And sad to say, but I have used my ds and schools and exams to break ties with literally every couple friend left. I prefer to go running in the evening so if I have any energy left, I’d rather do that.

Original poster
BansheeofInisherin · 27/05/2023 21:35

I should take up running! Believe me, I have tried. I see it's not just me though. I think we are all retreating into our tiny little bubbles.

OP posts:
Sallycinnamum · 27/05/2023 21:45

I sympathise OP. Several of our couple friends have separated in the last couple of years completely out of the blue.

PauliesWalnuts · 27/05/2023 21:47

We’ve never had couple friends. I was single for a decade and built up a wonderful network of single, childless women. He lost his couple friends in a divorce - all very amicable but they seemed to take up with his wife more, although he’s pretty introverted, as am I. We just do our own thing with our own friends a few times a month.

PicaK · 27/05/2023 22:25

I think it's fairly normal to have things in the diary for 3-6 months ahead.
Don't throw your toys out of the pram. Make dates now to see those friends.
In the meantime see if you have any single friends and see them as a couple. I'm a single mum. Do you know how many invites I've received to dinner in the last 3.5 years - 0

coloursquare · 27/05/2023 22:31

Never had couple friends! I have my friends, DH has his. Much prefer it that - keep a sense of self, maintain roots etc.

SargentSagittarius · 27/05/2023 22:36

Yes, we have couple friends, as well as our own friends. And yes, getting together with groups does inevitably take a bit of back and forth to arrange get-togethers (no, we can’t do that date, how about this date? etc.).

DH and I are both very social so we make the effort to keep in touch and get things in the diary regularly.

I wouldn’t just give up, OP. Of course, it is a lot harder if one of you is social and the other is a hermit…

newtowelsplease · 27/05/2023 22:38

My DH is incredibly antisocial so I have my friends and he has none

TheRealSnowWhite · 27/05/2023 22:55

My sis and her dh have started a badminton group with other couples. They all pay towards a court at weekend and play doubles. It was other people they met at the badminton courts and it grew into quite a nice group. She has said though that it doesn’t work as friends round, only works in court. They’ve tried moving it to evening round each others houses, but some are on diets and work/ kids responsibilities doesn’t work.

Whydoievenbother · 27/05/2023 23:00

We have two couples friends, both of these couples don't have children and we have a toddler so haven't seen them much. I've been feeling sad and lonely myself about this and wishing I had a friendship group like you see on TV

echt · 27/05/2023 23:07

All my couple friends melted away when my DH died. I'm not that horrible, honest. Smile A friend, also widowed, said the same happened to her.

lecuvie · 27/05/2023 23:12

We've never had couple friends, even before dc. DH and I used to always go out together, to shows and restaurants and cinema. It was just easier as I knew his diary and we didn't have to faff around trying to find a suitable date or quibble about paying for tickets.

As a family we just do stuff with us and our dc. Sometimes I think it would be nice to do things with another family, but again it would raise all sorts of practical issues of getting a suitable date agreed, booking things then making arrangements to be paid back (and then a risk that they can't go and you're stuck with their ticket), how to organise food, travel etc. Just seems like a headache. Plus weekends are our family time and we'd lose the intimacy of it if we brought other people into the mix. Our weekend plans get booked up in advance, we often go to events which are sold out ahead so don't want to be waiting on other people agreeing, or not, to come with us.

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