What can I realistically do about ex smoking near dc?

[Exproblems]

He has them once every couple of weeks, they ALWAYS come home stinking of cigarettes.

Dd has recently been diagnosed as asthmatic, I've brought this up with him several times, if I do it face to face he tells me to fuck off, if I say it over email or message there's no response.

He's generally a pretty half arsed parent, but I can deal with a bit of benign neglect one day a fortnight, I can't handle the health implications for my dc with him smoking in the same house as them, or right beside them when they are out walking (cigarette burn in dds jacket close).

Is there anything I cam actually do, that doesn't involve appealing to his better nature, as he doesn't seem to have one.

Not thing unfortunately

how old is she?

Murder him?

You can't stop him.

She's 7, and she complains to him, as well as my younger dc, he tells them he's an adult and it's his home.

She had a serious health issue 5 years ago which means she is more susceptible to chest infections too.

The didn't see him for 6 weeks recently (his choice) and her symptoms were so well controlled, I just know she will come back coughing like mad for days again.

I didn't think there was much I can do, it's worth an ask though.

Just fucking annoying, why wouldn't he want to do the best by his dc?

Nothing :( And if he's the petty sort, then it might be that asking will just get him to dig his heels in more.

If you wanted to be sneaky about it I guess you could mention your concerns to someone you think he might listen to e.g. his mother, sister, etc? If you are still in touch with any of these people. And hope that the concern gets back to him, but without your name attached to it if that makes sense.

Did he smoke pre divorce in front of his children?

Unfortunately he is the petty sort and asking him definitely pisses him off.

I asked him to have the dc while I was having surgery recently and he told me to fuck off, then showed up at my home to tell my babysitter he was taking the dc for a few hours (he has literally never done this before) she didn't allow him (she didn't know him) and so he posted all over social media how awful I am withholding his dc etc.

He has also said he would take the dc extra while I'm receiving treatment for my health issue and cancels an hour before, then complains when I don't ask him to babysit first anymore.

His family live away and he paints a picture of him being doting daddy and me being the devil incarnate so no chance of talking to them.

I was contemplating getting a solicitor to write a letter, but I guess that would just be expensive and pointless.

I don't think asking him not to smoke is an unreasonable request at all, unfortunately he does.

No, never, he stopped before we decided to get together as I wouldn't have dated a smoker, stopped for 6 years, then started again when we finished.

Why are you asking him to have them more if you are so concerned about the smoking?

I was contemplating getting a solicitor to write a letter, but I guess that would just be expensive and pointless.

correct

you don’t want him to smoke around your children, and very understandably so. Unfortunately you can’t stop him BUT you can stop asking him to have the children more!

I needed surgery and chemotherapy, and don't have a lot of options for overnight babysitting.

It's wasn't an operation or treatment I could put off.

I have a couple of options now but he wants first refusal.

I have now, when I was first diagnosed I didn't have options for overnight/a few days babysitting. He was it.

I don't ask him anymore now I have options, but he hates that just as much, he wants first refusal.

I had to delay my chemo twice due to him letting me down last minute.

Which area of child protection would deliberately doing something that causes a child harm come under? It seems utterly ridiculous that a diagnosed medical condition wouldn't make the difference between parental choice and something they can be held to account over. In this case contact isn't really in the best interests of the child isn't- maybe a contact centre where there's no smoking would be a more appropriate environment. Members of the public are protected from being subjected to second hand smoke inside, employees are protected by the same laws in the likes of company vehicles, how is this okay?

Go to the solicitor op

but not about the smoking

about formalising arrangements between the two of you. He wants “first refusal”? So? You don’t honestly give him first refusal when you need childcare given your concerns about him smoking do you?

Not anymore, I have options now, I didn't when I first got diagnosed, I wasn't happy about it either but I had absolutely no choice. It was either that or delay my operation and treatment until I could get childcare in place. He only has them 1 day and night per fortnight now, however he wants to know when they are being looked after (basically wants to know about all my health stuff so he can decide if he wants to look after the kids). I don't tell him anything, but the kids say that X was over and took them to school or whatever and then I get a flurry of nasty messages about it.

Members of the public are protected from being subjected to second hand smoke inside, employees are protected by the same laws in the likes of company vehicles, how is this okay?

I have no idea, honestly, the second they get back I bathe them and wash their clothes as they stink. Its awful, I just want to protect my dc.

Formalising arrangement may be the best option.