I can't cope any more and I really need a hand hold.
DS is in first year high school and is failing badly. The school have been great, very supportive. We suspect ADD (inattentive type) but of course the wheels of diagnosis turn very slowly. It's a selective school, competitive entry, and he will be asked to leave if his grades don't improve, although the school have said that they can make exceptions and might well do so in his case. He does very well in some subjects and appallingly in others.
Just now I offered to help him prepare for a test after he said that he was ready for it. It's like pulling teeth getting information out of him. I said, how do you want me to test you? 'I don't know'. Do you have flashcards? 'No'. Well, do you have a book@ 'Yes'. OK, go and get the book.
He gets the book and I turn to the page and say, ok, what's the test about?
Silence, then he stammers, uh, uh, uh, (then very quietly), 'Grammar'.
He takes ages to answer any serious questions and when he does, he speaks in half-words that are almost inaudible (or, more often, simply inaudible), and generally bursts into tears or says he doesn't know. It's immensely frustrating. He also generally has a flat affect when talking about things to do with school.
I got on the phone to his father (ExH) and said what did you study with DS yesterday? It turns out that DS did, in fact, make flashcards. Both his father and I are at a loss as to why I was told he didn't.
DS is just one of my problems (and yes he IS a problem). I was already in over my head. My father died last month. Work is absolutely insane. I have the stress of stage 3 cancer (currently no evidence of disease, which is great, but it's hanging over my head) and the energy problems that often come with chemo recovery. And ExH is supportive but useless. He knows I'm on the edge of a burnout but still chose that moment to tell me that he has just been given a month's notice to move out of his rented house.
(I realise that it's not about me, but the fact is I cannot cope and this is just absolutely the last straw. He has nowhere to go. I can't deal with all of this.)
What am I meant to do? I want to give the children back, I feel like I hate them. I can't please anyone and I don't know why nobody will listen when I say I cannot cope. I feel like I don't matter. People just keep piling more and more on and don't listen when I say I can't handle my life.
My memory is shocking right now, I can't remember anything and I keep forgetting words for things (saying 'table' when I mean 'chair'). It's obvious to me that it's because my brain is overwhelmed. But what am I meant to do? I don't even have time to go for a short walk these days. But I can't do this.