My husband has been on cam girl websites again and I don't know what to do.

[onlinegirls]

It started when I was pregnant, the first time, he swore he wouldn't do it again. Did it a second time. Blamed it on stress of pregnancy. Promised he would stop. And he's done it again and again and when I finally told him it was a motive of divorce for me, he begged me to stay, swore he had never chatted with any of these girls and was just there because the live aspect was exciting. He told me there was another website where he could watch the recordings only, I told him I would stay if he promised not to go on those live websites anymore and stick to the recording ones. He said yes.

Now, almost a year later, I found out he's been on it again.

He keeps swearing to me that he's only been watching, not interacting, that he doesn't even have an account. What's the point of going on these websites then? Why not stick with recordings? He just says he should have. He doesn't offer any rational explanation.

Am I overreacting or does this really feel like cheating?
I know I'm a massive mug, that he's done it over and over again. I just find it so hard to leave. Would I be doing a massive mistake? We have a little boy together, would I be overreacting and unneccessarily destroying his stability? I'm a stay-at-home mum right now and don't have enough finances to go away just yet. I also don't have any family or friends around.

How do I fix this if there's any way to fix it?

Thank you for this. It explains a lot.
He revealed his addiction to pornography once we got married and I was naive enough to think it wasn't a big deal as it wasn't a "substance". I was so wrong.
It affected our lives in many negative ways.
The cam girls is just the tip of the iceberg.
I always blamed myself thinking I wasn't interesting enough, pretty enough, that I was too boring, too vanilla.

Thanks for your reply.
I appreciate your arrangement, and as long as you are both happy with it, it's all that matters.
What irks me regarding my husband and me, is that he agreed to respect this boundary I had and broke my trust. For reference, I'm not allowed to watch pornography as, to him, it's cheating.
It's just hypocritical, and he uses addiction as an excuse as to why he can't stop.

What a sad and pathetic loser of a man. He doesn't respect you and has shown multiple times that his porn is no.1 in his life.

Go live a happy life with your son and leave him to sit around in his crusty boxers wanking all day.

If you're looking for a rational explanation, there isn't one. It's selfish and entitled.

It's not up to you to fix it, nor is it possible. You can either decide that you are willing to put up with him doing this, or you're not. You can't change what's happened and you can't make him stop.

He's not crushed to see you upset, or he wouldn't be doing it.

It's nothing to do with you, whether you're pretty, fun, or good enough, and everything to do with his belief that he is entitled to do it, regardless of how it affects you and your relationship, it's a priority for him.

Do you feel you want to remain in a marriage where one of you is regularly paying other adults to show you their genitals, because that's what it comes down to. It's peurile.

Whatever you do, get yourself into a more robust financial situation, if you're dependent on him he will be even more likely to feel that he's the king of the castle and he can use women how he wants, those to wank over and you to wash his socks.

I"ve just seen that you're not "allowed" to watch pornography, as to him, it's cheating.....

Help me make that make sense.

You can do better than this man.

Hes never going to change. So your options are.... put up with it and accept it, or leave.

I always blamed myself thinking I wasn't interesting enough, pretty enough, that I was too boring, too vanilla.

Same! Plus I didn't have enough sex! But it is not true. His attitudes to women and sex are what are making you feel like that. It's not to do with who you are.

Thank you all for your messages and for sharing your experiences with me. I really appreciate your insight and kindness.

He assured me it wouldn't happen again, and when I reminded him he had told me the same thing the first multiple times he'd gone to cam girls again, he compared it to him failing his driving test 3 times before succeeding. You can't make this up.

Hi, I know this is an old thread but I am going through the exact same with my husband. He’s been caught multiple times using cam girls, through a lot of snooping on my end I was able to see the interactions he had with women and see the amount of money he was spending (over £800 over a 3 month period!) and each time he’s been caught he swears he feels disgusted in himself and he won’t do it again blah blah, then it’s a few months/year of him being squeaky clean and letting me check bank statements etc then he’s back to it.
we have 3 kids, 10, 8 & 2 so I feel like “just leave him” is a lot easier said than done. What did you end up doing? Has he managed to keep away from camgirls?!
x

This would be a deal breaker for me. It's cheating. I would end the relationship. You can't trust him, so what's the point?