Scared to make an appointment with GP. Please help

[Tryingtoworkitout89]

Hello, as title states I'm scared to make an appointment with the GP. I've needed one for so long but been putting it off for absolutely ages to the point now where I don't think I can put it off any longer.
I did actually pluck up the courage to go to back in 2021 but burst into tears in the waiting room and then again in the actual doctors room. People were staring at me and the doctor wasn't particularly sympathetic so it's put me off going back. Since then I've coped ok and muddled through but just lately I've not felt right at all and it's really starting to affect me.

I've been plagued by anxiety and depression (although more anxiety) since the birth of my last child. Its affected my career, all sorts. My self-esteem is in the gutter and I've become obese and feel absolutely hideous. I'm looking at joining Slimming World soon and I really want to turn my life around but i have problems sticking at things and seeing plans through. I'm a good mum to my DC, this is the only achievement in my life I am proud of. My DC are my absolute world and want for nothing. It's me who has been on the back burner for years and I have become to loathe who I am. The way I see it is as long as my DC are provided for and cared for, then I am fulfilling my mission in being a good mum.

Mental health issues run on both side of my parents family and I did have a kind of difficult childhood in one way but in other ways not. No physical abuse but mental and emotional turmoil. I was bullied at school and also in jobs I've had. I think people must sense my low self esteem in some ways and know I'm easy to ridicule. I don't know. I'm mid 40s now and feel I've missed the boat completely in sorting my life out.

I see other women similar age with careers who look nice and everything seems so easy and I'd love to be like that. Everyday seems like an awful drudge and an endless treadmill for me at the moment.
I'm very mixed up. Can someone help me to make a start in feeling better? Thank you

If it wasn't for my children and pets I would have given up long ago. I only derive pleasure in watching my DC enjoy themselves. They go on plenty of days out, do activities and have friends round. I make sure everything for them is as it should be, regardless of my inner turmoil.

@Tryingtoworkitout89 u are doing ur best for dc and that's all I can do.... trust me I'm a stay at home mum and I haven't got my shit together I never get time to do my hair or make up sometime don't even get to shower everyday x

Sounds like you're doing a great job as a mum. Now it's time, as you say, to focus more on you. Mid 40s is definitely not too late to change your course. But you'll need to be strong and find some support.

Is there someone - a friend or family member - who come with you to the GP, even just to keep you company in the waiting room?

My other thought was whether you could call up the practice manager to explain your anxieties and see what they recommend. Eg could they do a house call for you?

Good luck!

Well done for recognising you need help. Definitely make that appointment

Write down how you are feeling and what your biggest issues are so that if you do burst into tears at the doctors you can pass that paper over

They may be able to look at prescribing meds, but also help with a dietician and exercise plan

You are obviously doing your absolute best for your DC and love them; time to give yourself a bit of that

Well done on doing such a great job with your children, but being kind to yourself is good for them too. If it helps you enjoy your life, then it is worth going through the ordeal of going to the GP.

can you write down what you would like to say to the GP? This thread is a great starting point. What would you like to get out of the GP appointment?

Would you find it easier to request an appointment via econsult, if its offered by your surgery?

Or do you have a close friend or family member who can make the appointment on your behalf? Gp surgeries are usually pretty responsive to that, I've found. They could also come along with you to the appointment if it would help.

Request to see a different gp, you don't have to make a big deal of it, just ask if anyone else is available.

Don't be afraid of crying in the appointment. Strangely enough, they always seem to take mh issues more seriously if the patient cries

Make a note before you go in of key points. You could even write a little letter and then just hand it to the gp if you're unable to talk.

You're not alone, op. When you have an appointment with a dismissive doctor it really does make patients fearful of returning.

It sounds as if you've become overwhelmed with life and that life hasn't been especially kind to you. It's so hard to keep positive when life has been unfair, especially when everyone else seems to be thriving and you're weighed down by the consequences of what you've been through.

Society likes to suggest that you have to have achieved success in life by a certain decade but its utter rubbish. (What is success anyway?)

You've only lived half your life - all that you've been through, well the next 40 years could be amazing!

Changes happen step by step and the first steps are always the hardest. Just take them one at a time. You have a plan, that's brilliant, and if you need it we can support you through making that appointment with your gp, every little bit of it.

You've got this.

You can self-refer to mental health teams avoiding the GP altogether in some areas. https://www.nhs.uk/service-search/mental-health/find-an-nhs-talking-therapies-service

I'm so sorry you feel this way, I used to be scared of going to the doctor too and some were not kind but I tried different ones and now have one that is nice, maybe ask for a phone consult?

Depression and anxiety are really common OP. Iirc something like 1 in 3 people experience at least one episode of clinical depression or anxiety at some point in their lives.
It’s hard to get out of the thought loop that we are failing at life sometimes. But life is not actually divided into people who are failures and people who are successes. We all just keep doing things and having emotional reactions to those things and to our lives as a whole as see them.
So if we reframe things for you. Currently you’re dealing with a lot of anxiety and depression, it’s affecting multiple aspects of your life and you’d like to try some medical/psychological treatment to help you deal with those feelings. That’s great. Seriously, wanting to do something about it is probably the most important factor in improving your mental health. The dr will want to help. They will likely ask you questions from a standard questionnaire designed to assess depression and anxiety. Then they will recommend anti-depressants, talk therapy or both. They might also talk to you about exercise and other lifestyle factors. This isn’t because they are judging you but because there is evidence that these things help many people manage or treat mental health difficulties.
Try to take morality out of the picture when you look at your weight and eating. It sounds like you may be an emotional eater? If eating is a coping mechanism then your weight gain is a symptom of your mental health difficulties. Working on your mental health may help you find different and healthier coping mechanisms and allow your to improve your physical health by making some diet and exercise changes that will be nice things to add to your life and not punishments for being fat. You’ve got this OP.

You'd do anything for your children.

Getting some medical help is something you need to do so that you can continue to be a great mother.
Don't leave it until you can't cope. or have a crisis. Tell yourself you need to do it now for the children.

When you call to make the appointment, tell the staff that you suffer from high anxiety and find both the waiting room and meeting the Dr very difficult; so could they please be aware of that when you arrive.

If you would find it too hard to speak the above, ask someone to do it on your behalf. Or use email.

Good luck. You're going to feel much better about yourself once you get past this hurdle.

Thanks to all for responding and being kind. I was fearful of posting and being judged but you've all been wonderful..when the surgery re opens this afternoon I will phone them. I am going to ask for a female doctor as the last one was male and abrupt and that's what put me off. Not to say that they are all like that but it did leave me with a bad impression that first time around.
Yes to emotional eating, you've hit the nail on the head and are totally right. I do eat fruit and veg and salad but fill up on various crap too which I know isn't good and I need to break the cycle. I always make sure the kids eat healthily.

I hate the GP receptionist asking what's wrong when you request an appointment, I always feel silly saying mental health but I suppose they've heard it all

You're going to feel much better about yourself once you get past this hurdle

So true.

And don't stress too much about emotional eating right now, I suspect that when you start to feel supported and more grounded, a bit happier, other things will start to fall into place.

Don't beat yourself up.