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Original poster

What should I do about this party?

23 replies

Enzymeme · 22/05/2023 23:18

DS is turning 8. He's at quite a small village school - single form entry - 23 kids in the class - 10 of whom are boys.

There's a bit of a boy / girl friendship split. He wants to invite the boys to his party but one of the boys is horrible to him. Belittles him. Takes his stuff. Tries to make the other kids dislike him etc. The dynamic is tricky as his parent is school staff and I feel the school hasn't done enough to help him / us with the issue.

DS came home last week and said could he not invite The Boy to the party as DS had mentioned he was going to have a party and The Boy had been saying it would be rubbish.

I started by saying we should be kind even if this boy isn't. But then could see DS upset and started thinking at the weekend that we should let DS not invite this boy.

How would you handle this? I'm not in contact with the parent directly - only spoken at a school meeting about the upset where she said DS was over sensitive and it was all "just boy talk".

OP posts:

neverknowinglyunreasonable · 22/05/2023 23:21

Don't invite The Boy. Job done.

strawberryandcreams · 22/05/2023 23:22

Do not invite him. He's 8 not 4. Doesn't need to be shouted about from the rooftops. But no.

TeenLifeMum · 22/05/2023 23:24

Don’t invite him and if the dm asks then say oh he told ds he didn’t want to go to his party and was quite unkind about it. They can’t all get on can they? Have a lovely week …

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Dodger101 · 22/05/2023 23:33

I would just invite the other boys. His mother will know they don't get on as you've already spoken to the school about it so she will know why he isn't invited.

weareallout · 22/05/2023 23:51

Invite the friends he wants. No one else

sheldonia · 23/05/2023 00:01

It is ok to exclude one kid if you have a good reason, ie he's a little shit. No need to invite him.

Orders76 · 23/05/2023 00:23

If he's close to 5 of 10, just invite those actual friends.

Poppyblush · 23/05/2023 05:47

Don’t invite him! So simple.

determinedtomakethiswork · 23/05/2023 06:42

Of course, you don't invite him, and if his mother asks why, which would be quite cheeky in itself, then tell her why.

FloofCloud · 23/05/2023 06:49

God no! Invite his friends only

JustDanceAddict · 23/05/2023 06:51

Definitely don’t invite him. It’s not ‘being kind’ to your DS if you do.

RightWhereYouLeftMe · 23/05/2023 07:08

I started by saying we should be kind even if this boy isn't.

Children don't have to go out of their way to be kind to those who bully them.

ThreeRingCircus · 23/05/2023 07:16

RightWhereYouLeftMe · 23/05/2023 07:08

I started by saying we should be kind even if this boy isn't.

Children don't have to go out of their way to be kind to those who bully them.

I agree. You absolutely should not invite this boy. He's bullying your DS so why on earth would you purposefully invite your child's bully to an event where they should be happy and excited rather than worried.

If anything is said or asked about it I would do as above and say innocently "oh, he said he didn't want to come as he thought it would be rubbish." And just leave it at that.

LakeTiticaca · 23/05/2023 07:56

When exactly did this culture of whole class parties start?
It certainly didn't exist when I was at primary ( I wasn't one of the popular kids so I got few invites) it wasn't around when my kids were at primary either, (90s)
The expectation of inviting someone I hated to my home .(no party venues back then) would of horrified me!!

florenceandthemutt · 23/05/2023 08:29

It's your son's party. If he doesn't want to invite him. Don't invite him. I wouldn't in this situation.

Stompythedinosaur · 23/05/2023 08:31

I would just think carefully about whether inviting 9/10 boys will make the situation worse in the end.

Are there a few of the girls he gets on with better? I'd be tempted to invite half the class (9 boys and a few girls) so the exclusion looks less clear.

Mrsjayy · 23/05/2023 08:33

Saying he should be kind isn't standing up for your son, invite his friends, if anything is said say ",the boy" doesn't like your son they are not friends.

PurpleSunshineRain · 23/05/2023 08:34

Definitely only invite his friends. His mum being on staff shouldn't make a difference. This boy is unkind to your son! Oh and give out invitations out of school or via wattsapp so it does not become a school issue.

Mrsjayy · 23/05/2023 08:50

Does he have other friends from other classes or an activity he goes to? .I think the suggestion of mixing it up a bit so its not as obvious is a good idea, the boy might not be very nice but he is still 8.

Original poster

Enzymeme · 23/05/2023 09:19

Thanks all. This has been useful.

Whole class parties were always a thing in my day, @LakeTiticaca - and I'm in my 40s. I think it's particularly common in villages where the class is small and everyone knows everyone.

I can definitely invite by WhatsApp which you're right, will help. No other friendship groups really. Cubs starts from 8 in the next village (no Beavers or anything) so that will hopefully widen the friendships soon.

OP posts:

mindutopia · 23/05/2023 10:58

It’s fine to not invite him. At 8, smaller friend groups are more the norm for parties. His child isn’t his friend so there’s no need to invite him.

PlatBilledDuckypuss · 23/05/2023 11:26

His party, he decides on the guest list. The Boy is out.

MuggleMe · 23/05/2023 18:48

If the boy or the boys mum says anything you/your son should absolutely respond that he obviously didn't want to invite him to such a rubbish party.

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