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Original poster

I hate how thick my ass/thighs are despite lots of exercise and eating clean.

65 replies

Emptiedout · 22/05/2023 18:18

I've actually become quite obsessed with how much I hate this part of my body - which is awful.

I'm mid fifties, post meno, and fit. I work out with weights/weights&hit classes at least 3 x a week. I eat really well and whilst I don't count calories, I have a very very low carb diet and have done for years.

But my ass and thighs look THICK. I saw a photo of me yesterday in a weightlifting class and I wanted to cry.

I'm 5ft 2, and about 8.12. Flattish stomach, smallish waist - 29.5/30? - but biggish (but pert) bum and thick thigh.

Is it because I'm not doing enough cardio? I've read so much about post menopausal women and cardio, how doing too much can increase cortisol levels and add to weight gain, I've steered away. I hate running but might start up skipping again.

Any thoughts?

OP posts:
SallyWD · 25/05/2023 08:07

I don't know why but I felt a bit sad reading your post. A woman in her mid-50s being so harsh on her body. Sounds like you're fit, strong and healthy to me!
I'm certainly not that fit or strong but I'm slim(ish) with a healthy BMI. I'm pear shaped and no matter how much I slim down or tone up I will always have a big bum and thighs! It's just my shape. I don't see it as a problem to be solved. I just accept this is my shape and I'm fine with it.

AlligatorPsychopath · 25/05/2023 10:29

BogRollBOGOF · 25/05/2023 07:58

Thin, willowy shapes were desirable in the 60s and 70s too. DM was very much under the impression that muscle was unfeminine and spent my 80s-90s childhood doing exercise no more strenuous than Lizzie on TVam, or yoga, and going on low calorie diets like the Cambridge diet in an attempt to return to the Twiggy-esque figure of her youth. She's also had osteoarthritis for the past 25 years.

How I haven't ended up with body dysmorphia in that culture with my pear-shaped tendency to gain muscle, I don't know, but I've always been active and embraced what my body does for me. The health benefits of being pear-shaped and muscle were becoming clearer too which helped in the face of comments like "thunder thighs". These thunder thighs did the awesome task of running a marathon 😎

This is really the first time that physical strength in women has been encouraged, and moved away from aspiring to thin builds since women's clothing became more revealing in the 1960s. It's a healthy trend for once!

I'm just hoping that I won't be breaking bones in my late 50s, and having my activities impaired by osteoarthritis for over a quarter of my life.

Show quote history

this. Strength in general and muscle mass in particular has been actively coded as unfeminine for a long^, long time, whether stick figures were in fashion or whether said stick figures were allowed to have a bum. The culture has been very clear on physical weakness being not just appropriate for women but desirable, which has hurt women in just about every conceivable way.

It is absolutely a feminist act to privilege your health and what your body can do above how it looks.

Applesinmyhouse · 25/05/2023 10:38

I spend years trying to change my natural body shape, like you big thighs & bum. I used to do walking lunges across the whole gym, deadlifting, fire hydrants, running for ages on the treadmill and outside. Tracking every single morsel that went in my mouth. Walking miles everyday.

Hey guess what, you can’t. I’ve made my peace with it. Stop obsessing. Enjoy your life.

Interested in this thread?

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Exercise & fitness Fitness Menopause Weight management
Original poster
Emptiedout · 25/05/2023 13:04

SunnySideDownBriefly · 25/05/2023 07:40

Hi @emptiedout, I'm coming at this a bit differently to most of the replies. I'm 5ft 2 and perimenopausal with a low amount of body fat (8% - v small boobs!). I strength train consistently and also mix it up with yoga/Pilates and cardio.

If you know it is fat, rather than relaxed muscle, this would say to me that your calories are likely to be too high for the amount you are burning and your body's needs. It's pretty simple, excess calories = fat and we all know our bodies need less calories as we get older and the metabolism slows. I do strength training but also make sure to include two cardio/HIIT sessions a week as that keeps on top of my actual fat weight and doesn't impact my muscle mass. You can keep at the same calories and increase cardio to a couple of times a week so you're burning off more. Stick with high protein if that suits you but any extra protein your body doesn't use will be turned to fat or you wee it out...v expensive wee.

Also, just as an aside for anyone else who is interested, high reps and low weights are also good for bone health - it's the effort we put our muscles under that counts. You will also build muscle this way but not as fast and you're more likely to plateau. On the other hand, I would also say that high reps as you get older isn't necessarily a good thing for wear and tear.

Swimming is also fab for cardio as it's similar to resistance training with a good burn too. I get very sore muscles after a good swimming session.

Thank you, that's really interesting. I suspect I need more cardio.

I genuinely don't think I overeat. Some days I don't even eat 1200 cals

OP posts:
Original poster
Emptiedout · 25/05/2023 15:15

SunnySideDownBriefly · 25/05/2023 07:40

Hi @emptiedout, I'm coming at this a bit differently to most of the replies. I'm 5ft 2 and perimenopausal with a low amount of body fat (8% - v small boobs!). I strength train consistently and also mix it up with yoga/Pilates and cardio.

If you know it is fat, rather than relaxed muscle, this would say to me that your calories are likely to be too high for the amount you are burning and your body's needs. It's pretty simple, excess calories = fat and we all know our bodies need less calories as we get older and the metabolism slows. I do strength training but also make sure to include two cardio/HIIT sessions a week as that keeps on top of my actual fat weight and doesn't impact my muscle mass. You can keep at the same calories and increase cardio to a couple of times a week so you're burning off more. Stick with high protein if that suits you but any extra protein your body doesn't use will be turned to fat or you wee it out...v expensive wee.

Also, just as an aside for anyone else who is interested, high reps and low weights are also good for bone health - it's the effort we put our muscles under that counts. You will also build muscle this way but not as fast and you're more likely to plateau. On the other hand, I would also say that high reps as you get older isn't necessarily a good thing for wear and tear.

Swimming is also fab for cardio as it's similar to resistance training with a good burn too. I get very sore muscles after a good swimming session.

I have 33% body fat percentage (big boobs) - which ironically comes up on graph as average/edging towards ideal/ fat mass 19.5K / Lean mass 39.1K.

I had a body composition scan done in Jan

OP posts:
Original poster
Emptiedout · 25/05/2023 15:16

Look, I totally get that this is sad; that I need to accept myself; that the feminist in me is totally squashed by these ridiculous inner judgments and lack of acceptance.

I am self-aware, I'm just struggling with it in reality.

OP posts:
randomsabreuse · 25/05/2023 15:26

A lot of the problem with body shape is clothes, my thighs destroy trousers and I can't function without shorts or tights under skirts. I like the power my thighs give me in my sport but dressing in anything other than a very small number of legging brands is a PITA!

Getting clothes that fit both thighs and waist is tough!

Pancakewaffle · 25/05/2023 15:27

@Emptiedout if you like the idea of swimming but you don't feel you're good at it, book yourself some adult lessons! I did this as a refresher and now I love swimming (before it was just plain difficult as I was doing it wrong 😅)

Chesneyhawkes1 · 25/05/2023 16:36

@SunnySideDownBriefly how does your body decide whether to wee the extra protein out or store it as fat?? I don't mind an expensive wee, but I don't want the fat part

Original poster
Emptiedout · 25/05/2023 17:03

Pancakewaffle · 25/05/2023 15:27

@Emptiedout if you like the idea of swimming but you don't feel you're good at it, book yourself some adult lessons! I did this as a refresher and now I love swimming (before it was just plain difficult as I was doing it wrong 😅)

I did this last year, and hated the lessons! Maybe I need a different teacher

OP posts:
PollyVerano · 25/05/2023 17:22

I'm a menopausal masters (competitive) swimmer. I am quite strong and muscular but it's all hidden under layers of blubber. My thighs are gruesome.... but I'm the fittest I have ever been as an adult.

Swimming is great for cardio but not really for resistance. I also do weights on top of fairly hard swimming training to ward off osteoporosis. I haven't needed HRT but then worry I'm missing out on it's protective health benefits....

@MrsJamin - thanks for the Stacy Sims recommendation. Have borrowed the e-version from my public library and it's a brilliant read so far.

CountingMareep · 25/05/2023 22:24

randomsabreuse · 25/05/2023 15:26

A lot of the problem with body shape is clothes, my thighs destroy trousers and I can't function without shorts or tights under skirts. I like the power my thighs give me in my sport but dressing in anything other than a very small number of legging brands is a PITA!

Getting clothes that fit both thighs and waist is tough!

I hear you. That idiotic trend for the ‘thigh gap’ (what even is that??) was never going to be attainable for me either. My legs are short and chunky, and my ankles, since hitting meno and starting HRT, have a tendency to hang on to fluid. I feel self-conscious trying on boots, and that includes walking boots (always a gap between the ‘tongue’ and the eyelet edges) as well as the more commonplace calf measurement issue with knee high boots. Maybe I need to experiment with junior boys’ sizes for hiking boots?

coloursquare · 26/05/2023 15:07

Have you had children, @Emptiedout? Someone told me you gain an inch per child. Admittedly it was a dress designer rather than a doctor!!

Alargeoneplease89 · 26/05/2023 15:14

I dont think you have thick thighs etc. The word is probably muscular considering you do so many weights and squats.

As someone who's got no arse or thighs- I am extremely jealous. No one ever wants what they have but self love and confidence is definitely needed.

WhereTheSuburbsMeetUttoxeter · 26/05/2023 15:50

You can't change your general shape. I'm pushing 50 and overweight but but my legs are - I don't know - like footballers legs (!?) Prominent calves, prominent quads, v prominent tibia (down the front). I hate my my manly legs!
DD has inherited her dad's legs - graceful and slender. Beautifully long and thin.
She wants my muscly dumpy legs - noooo!!

We need to learn to be kind to ourselves and accept ourselves as beautiful, healthy humans.

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