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Original poster

What’s it like dating as a fat woman?

7 replies

ShoveItOnAWrap · 22/05/2023 11:08

I split from my kids Dad a while ago. I think I’m ready to start dating again but I’m now obese after being slim my entire life and I have no idea what to expect, I’m feeling really nervous about it. I’ve noticed that men don’t approach me anymore on nights out and other social situations, to be honest I have noticed that people in general can be more dismissive of me since I gained weight. My face doesn’t suit being fat and I don’t carry it well so can’t offset it with a nice outfit.

Any other overweight women mind sharing what it’s like trying to date? It would be great to hear from those of you who have dating experience as both fat and slim too, and if there were any differences. I am trying to lose weight but I don’t want to put my life on hold until that day comes, I’m sure that there’s plenty of men happy to overlook weight (hopefully!).

OP posts:
WedTheBed · 22/05/2023 11:14

I can’t help with the dating side, I’ve been with DP 9 years and have gained some weight.. I used to be a 8 when I met DP!

I sympathise with the not being approached though. - I was a bridesmaid at my best friends wedding, me and my other friend are both slightly bigger (I’m a UK 14, she’s an 18) and we have another friend who is slim. And one of the (male) guests asked the name of the slim bridesmaids.. then literally said “and who are the fat two?” 🙃🙃🙃🙃 I’ve never once actually been called fat before that and it bloody stung!

I get married soon so I’m desperately trying to lose some weight. But it is noticeable how people look at you when you have more weight. Even if they don’t mean to.

My advice would be to not sweat it, your size won’t be to everyone’s taste.. but that’s like anything. Some people like blondes, some like brunettes. You just need to find the ones who like you for everything you have to offer and bigger the ones who turn their nose up.

aka. Fuck men don’t worry about it :)

StopStartStop · 22/05/2023 11:15

What’s it like dating as a fat woman?

Wobbly?

Wear clothes you enjoy, and be pleased with yourself. The offers will come in.

ToBeOrNotToBee · 22/05/2023 11:19

Well I'm fat.

Dating when at my heaviest, double chin, belly bigger than my boobs, I didn't have the confidence for.

Still fat, but losing weight my confidence came back as my belly disappeared, went OLD for casual only, had a few ONS which were fantastic for my self esteem.

A few months later, still losing weight, belly still there, double chin gone, waist is back and I'm no longer obese, just overweight. 2 dress sixes down and dating is getting better.

My advice to you is if OLD use honest recent photos of yourself so men can judge if they will find you attractive or not. No one likes turning up for a date and finding yourself sat across from a total catfish.

Yes, your options won't be as plentiful as if you were a healthier weight, but you'd be surprised how many men appreciate larger bums and boobs.

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Original poster
ShoveItOnAWrap · 22/05/2023 11:22

WedTheBed · 22/05/2023 11:14

I can’t help with the dating side, I’ve been with DP 9 years and have gained some weight.. I used to be a 8 when I met DP!

I sympathise with the not being approached though. - I was a bridesmaid at my best friends wedding, me and my other friend are both slightly bigger (I’m a UK 14, she’s an 18) and we have another friend who is slim. And one of the (male) guests asked the name of the slim bridesmaids.. then literally said “and who are the fat two?” 🙃🙃🙃🙃 I’ve never once actually been called fat before that and it bloody stung!

I get married soon so I’m desperately trying to lose some weight. But it is noticeable how people look at you when you have more weight. Even if they don’t mean to.

My advice would be to not sweat it, your size won’t be to everyone’s taste.. but that’s like anything. Some people like blondes, some like brunettes. You just need to find the ones who like you for everything you have to offer and bigger the ones who turn their nose up.

aka. Fuck men don’t worry about it :)

That’s so rude, I hope somebody put him in his place after that!

I’m the same, I’ve never had anybody be directly mean to me but I absolutely notice the difference with peoples opinions of me. It didn’t really bother me while I was happily in a relationship but now…😬

OP posts:
Original poster
ShoveItOnAWrap · 22/05/2023 11:31

ToBeOrNotToBee · 22/05/2023 11:19

Well I'm fat.

Dating when at my heaviest, double chin, belly bigger than my boobs, I didn't have the confidence for.

Still fat, but losing weight my confidence came back as my belly disappeared, went OLD for casual only, had a few ONS which were fantastic for my self esteem.

A few months later, still losing weight, belly still there, double chin gone, waist is back and I'm no longer obese, just overweight. 2 dress sixes down and dating is getting better.

My advice to you is if OLD use honest recent photos of yourself so men can judge if they will find you attractive or not. No one likes turning up for a date and finding yourself sat across from a total catfish.

Yes, your options won't be as plentiful as if you were a healthier weight, but you'd be surprised how many men appreciate larger bums and boobs.

Thanks for being so open about it, it’s really intimidating when big isn’t it. Sex is one of the things I’m really dreading, were you really nervous the first few times? You sound like you dated at a smaller size than me though, all I can picture is a man on top of me and my big fat belly getting in the way, it’s not even happened yet but I keep picturing it and feeling mortified😭

Congratulations on losing weight, that takes so much discipline and perseverance!

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 22/05/2023 11:43

Honestly, don't give in to the misogynistic narrative that 'fat' is a personality trait. Dating is dating. Some men will be focused solely on your looks, and want these to ascribe to certain "high value" qualities. These are not men worth dating. But not all men are like that, many men are looking for more than this.

HRTQueen · 22/05/2023 12:03

Less choice

and quite a number of men wanting to see what being with a larger women is like 🙄

I personally don’t like being the older women, the chubby women etc I want someone to like me for me but OLD is about first appearances so how you look/you age is the main factor

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