Can I turn this around?

[Allthelightwecannotsee76]

Feel at breaking point at the moment - I'm unemployed, single, renting in a house share. I have 20k in savings and a degree but the last few years of divorce, covid and bereavement have really crushed me. I'm 35, no kids.

I just want a peaceful life - a job that doesn't make me ill, to be able to buy a small flat, to find a partner.

It's been one thing after another at the moment and I'm wondering if it's me that's the problem.

I think I just need some encouragement that things will get easier.

Thanks if you read this far!

Why are you unemployed, what has happened there? Have you had any counselling for your bereavement?

Yes I'm having counselling.

I quit due to bullying - it was unsustainable.

Any counselling for that? I can understand your confidence has taken a hit. What are you doing to look for a job and what work would you be looking for?

I've got interviews lined up next week and I'm doing loads of applications.

Just feel it's been a really, really hard year with not much let up and was feeling really low this morning.

Thanks for replying x

I think when you have had a few things in a row your confidence takes a bit of a dip. Divorce, unemployment, bereavement are all big things and one of those alone could cause that.

I left a job due to bullying behaviour, and I had no job to go to. Like you, I just couldn't sustain it.

At the time I had a bit of a panic as I had no savings and we had to survive on one income for a bit (I appreciate you are on your own but you have your savings to keep you going).

I had counselling and was dubious as to the impact it would make, having had it before. This time it all clicked into place.

I took time to gently get back into work - I did supply days here and there as I'm a teacher, I appreciate not all jobs have this kind of way. I tried to put as little pressure on myself as possible and took it one day at a time.

I then started applying and went to a few interviews. The first one was rough as I was so nervous, but I told myself it got the nerves out of the way and let me chill a bit in the next ones.

I ended up falling into a few longer term posts which helped me see that not all workplaces were like my old one. Three years ago I applied for a job and got it - beating a good number of applicants. I have so much more confidence now, and I think that part of it is down to what my counselling did for me. My new mantra is "I am just as good as everyone else" and it helps me check in with myself

I really can't believe sometimes how awful things were at that time. I never would have imagined I would be thriving in work.

I know this has been long, but I really hope you find peace within yourself and be kind to yourself. Take care.

I think you will be able to turn this around, but it may take time, given your recent experiences. As the previous poster wrote, “take care and be kind to yourself.” I would also add, “take one day at a time, and go at your own pace.” Something I used to say to my daughter when she was struggling. Wishing you well.

Those are three of the top life stress events you've had happen to you. It's no wonder you feel like you do. Good on you for applying for jobs and getting interviews lined up. When something horrible has happened that has unsettled you, it does help to "get back on the horse". You can do this. Have you got a strategy for dealing with the inevitable questions about why you left your last job? There's always temping too if needed. I always found that companies were pleased to have me there, which boosted my confidence and I actually got a permanent job through temping.

Get out in the sun whilst you have the opportunity, it really does help boost your mood.

Thank you for the advice and encouragement.

I did get out in the sun and feel a lot better.