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Original poster

Please tell me positive stories about having a baby when you have a teen!

18 replies

Moomoo36 · 21/05/2023 08:52

There have been a few threads I have read on here recently about what a bad idea it is to have a baby when you have a teenager. Selfish, ruins relationship with older children and such.

I have 3 dd's. They are 13, 7 and 6. I am nearly 4 months pregnant with number 4. I am freaking out a bit now that it's all going to to pear shaped.

OP posts:

HildasLostSock · 21/05/2023 12:33

Not quite the same as your situation but DH is 10 years younger than his sister, a friend of mine had her two 10 years apart (Dr told her she was unable to have children so both were a surprise) & my Dad is one of 4 children with just over 10 years between the two eldest & the two youngest (dad was the second child, 3rd born when he was 11 I think & the 4th 2 years after that). From what I've seen the siblings love each other but aren't necessarily close (DH's sister went away to uni for example, so he didn't see much of her after the age of 10) but all have (or had, my grandparents are now deceased) good relationships with their parents. Your family will be fine. Congratulations OP.

MargotDeWitt · 21/05/2023 12:35

Why do you think it's going to go pear shaped? Has your teen reacted badly so far?

Assignedtoworryyourmother · 21/05/2023 12:37

My best friend's mum had a baby when she and her sister were 17 and 14. They became unpaid babysitters, expected to do masses around the house and told they were selfish if they didn't. It was crap for them and they could not wait to leave home. Pissed us of too (IE her mates) as she kept having to bring the baby out with her.
So don't do any of that to your DC and it will be fine!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

2nd trimester Families General pregnancy

Seryse · 21/05/2023 12:51

My oldest is 19 (from a previous relationship), son is 14 months, I'm currently 37 weeks pregnant with a girl. 19 year old is amazing with the lil one, except nappies 😅 she dodges those like a champ. She regularly, since he was days old, takes him through her bedroom and chills with him, even had her own moses basket in there. I've never asked her to do any of it, its always been her choice, other than when he started crawling "can you watch him for 10 mins while I shower" for example, just be mindful of that, a friend who's daughter is the same is basically treated like another mum to her 2 year old cause she constantly has her watching him, as previous poster said - be careful of that.

Singleandproud · 21/05/2023 12:54

Noise cancelling headphones for the teen to avoid crying interrupting school work and you'll be fine.

Intotheriver · 21/05/2023 12:57

In fairness, if we went by MN threads, no one would have a child at all. But if they did, it would be born by vaginal c section several months early, breastfed until 7 but the healthiest child in the class whilst formula fed.

No one would go to baby groups or toddler events because they are full of cliquey mums.

you will work full time and also be a SAHM, it’s the only way.

and not have another baby but not have an only because that’s selfish …

BertieBotts · 21/05/2023 15:10

It's been fine! We had DCs when DS1 was 10 and then again when he was 13.

You've been having kids in between so it seems quite a normal age gap to me - ours was definitely weird but it was fine. Worked really well for our family!

I think people get cat's bum face when someone gets into a new relationship and is obviously really invested in the new relationship and kind of ignoring their older kid(s) and the baby is an extension of this "new relationship excitement" - I think that can be a really hurtful situation for a teen, especially if/when there's friction between new stepdad and teens. That wasn't our situation, though the younger DC have a different dad, he'd been around a lot longer than that and DS1 was quite keen for us to have a baby when he was about 6/7! It just took us a while.

Mumof4alsoabonus · 21/05/2023 15:21

My youngest was a surprise 4th and the others were 14, 9, and 6. He is absolutely doted on and spoiled by his siblings. I have to tell them to stop doing everything for him. He is the greatest and happiest kid living his best life and none of us could imagine life without him. He certainly hasn’t ruined any relationships.

Original poster

Moomoo36 · 21/05/2023 17:10

MargotDeWitt · 21/05/2023 12:35

Why do you think it's going to go pear shaped? Has your teen reacted badly so far?

No not at all! She may have rolled her eyes a bit but is used to younger siblings anyway so it's nothing new for her really. It is literally just from seeing the negative threads that has sewn a seed of doubt.

The new baby has the same dad as all of them so no worried about a new partner adding complications. It just took us a while to decide if we wanted another then a few years of bad luck with miscarriages has made a larger age gap then anticipated.

OP posts:

Freshlycutgrasss · 21/05/2023 18:17

I had my last DC when oldest were 12 & 13. All same dad. Its been great. They doted on them when DC was a baby & were able to watch him asleep whilst I had a shower etc. They did absolutely no babysitting until DC was at school & they were 17 & 18 & this was only once or twice at year for an evening (they were asked if they were free to do this, there was no expectation). Their friends (male & female) also doted on DC and even now ask after DC when I see them.

Only negative is that due to age gap DC grew up more like an only child than 1 of 3 but has younger cousins so saw a lot of them.

As long as you don't rely on the older ones to do things for the baby other than occasionally watch them for 10 minutes so you can have a shower, make tea etc then it will be absolutely fine. Good luck (but you won't need it!)

autienotnaughtym · 21/05/2023 18:31

I can't I'm still in it 😂😂

JimBob61 · 21/05/2023 21:50

I have DD 34
DS 23
DD 15

Never had any issues as children. They are all very close but especially the two girls. My eldest has her own 10 year old dd who
Is close to my youngest (her aunt)
I suppose it would be quite confusing for anyone who didn't know us to work out who is who though.

Original poster

Moomoo36 · 22/05/2023 09:56

Thank you all, I feel calmer about it all today.

Dd1 definitely won't be babysitting, god love her she would be terrible at it. The house could be burning down around her and she'd be too busy playing zelda to notice!

OP posts:

CinderRosie · 22/05/2023 10:02

I can relate to this stress - I have a DS who is 18 from previous relationship and want to TTC with DH, who has no kids. Stressed about how DS would react to tis massive change in dynamic after so long, although is about to finish full time education and has his own plans for life.

HowDoYouDoWhatYouDoToMeIWishIKnew · 22/05/2023 10:09

My oldest is 22, I have an 8yo and a 6yo.

He takes the 8yo to the skate park, supports her with her kickboxing and is her biggest cheerleader at competitions, they play online games together regularly (he has his own house) and he bought her her first stunt scooter, which was the same one as he had at her age. She is like a carbon copy of him at that age and its adorable.

My 6yo is a very different child, but he often visits and leaves with pained nails and clips in his hair singing Disney songs. He took great pride in sitting watching his favourite Disney film with her for her first viewing of it.

I honestly love the relationship they all have.

MayThe4th · 22/05/2023 10:13

There’s a difference between having a baby when you have a teen who is an only child, and having another baby when your teen is just the eldest of three children.

Your teen has already had younger siblings, has got used to not being the only one, having a new baby in the house isn’t going to have that much of an impact.

Whereas a teenager who has always been an only child suddenly being told they’re going to have a sibling at a time when they’re probably not that much into babies or sharing their parents or being pushed out for a baby is going to react differently.

PenelopeTitsDrop3121 · 22/05/2023 10:17

It was great!! My son was 18 when I had my daughter. Everyone joked about having a ready made babysitter.

fourelementary · 22/05/2023 10:21

Mine were 12 and 9 when third came along and 15, 12 and 3 when fourth came along
Not really any issues with the teens, maybe a bit less time to spend with them one on one and sometimes I felt I’d dropped the ball if there were tricky times, but now the younger two are teen/tweens I can see these tricky times happen anyway. It’s lovely to see the relationships grow and change between the elder ones and the younger as they grow up… I honestly don’t think it’s an issue. I’d say maybe they’d see the reality of being a parent, but one of my older kids ended up a teen parent too… so I can’t vouch for that theory.

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