Neurotypical nine year old boys

[mynameisnotmichaelcaine]

Hi all,

I have a dilemma. I know nobody here can diagnose my child for me, but I could really do with getting a clearer picture of what neurotypical nine year old boys are like. I have three children, a nineteen year old DD, and two sons who are 17 and 9. Eldest is neurotypical, although very much an over-thinker. DS1 has ASD. He is doing really well and manages school and a limited but existent social life well.

My problem is, having only had DS1, I don't know what is normal for NT boys. I am concerned that DS2 is also on the spectrum, and I would like to get him diagnosed if he is, so that he can access support if he needs it. However, he is different in a few ways to DS1. His executive functioning is WAY better. He gets himself up, ready for school, breakfasted and packed and organised with barely any prompting every morning. He is also much happier at school. He moans about going sometimes but we have no tears and no meltdowns when he comes home. His teacher says he is a pleasure to teach (although every single teacher DS1 had also said this.) DS2 goes to the same school but they have never had the same teacher, and even if they did, DS1 left years ago, so they probably wouldn't be able to usefully compare them.

So far, I bet you are wondering why I think he has ASD? Omg the noises. He makes irritating noises pretty much constantly. He narrates his life, and makes a kind of beat box noise really often. He also talks for quite a long time about subjects such as Roblox and Minecraft, even if the person listening is clearly very bored. He is not great socially, and will sometimes ignore people when they talk to him, which is very like DS1.

He is also a terrible sleeper and has only just stopped coming through to our bed every single night. He cries quite a lot (like I say, definitely not meltdowns but he is quite emotional).

For those of you with NT boys, does this sound fairly normal, or do you think I should be making an appointment re the incessant noises, social immaturity and sleep?

Thank you 😊

I don’t have a NT nine year old, but I can tell you that (except the sleep issue) you could easily be describing my autistic son. Mine is also capable of getting ready for school, generally happy to go there and very popular with staff. He’s unquestionably autistic.

Given my son’s NT friends I’d say some degree of random noises and minecraft related droning on was fairly normal, the rest much less so.

I don’t think you’d be unreasonable, given his brother’s diagnosis as well, to make an appointment to discuss your son with a GP.

Thank you. I guess there's no harm in talking to the GP.

My son is 10 and he would talk for hours about Minecraft too. He can sometimes narrate everything hes doing for us too.

The rest of it wouldn't be normal in my view but then the crying and sleep issues could be to do with too much screen time perhaps.

Thank you for this. When I say he cries a lot, I can't actually remember how much my NT daughter cried at his age. He probably cries about once a week, which is possibly not "quite a lot" necessarily for a nine year old? And it's usually relatively brief in duration and related to something tangible, such as a headache or losing a game.

School are adamant he shows no signs, but then several teachers said the same about DS1, who is really obviously autistic.

My DS is nearly 9, and you could be describing him too. However, I don't know if he is NT - his big sister is autistic, so he could well be too. But he manages really well socially, and is much more "switched on" and engaged than she is, so it's hard to tell.

So I guess I'm following this with interest!

It's tough, isn't it? I have one kid who isn't autistic, but she's a decade older and female so I can't remember some things about her aged 9, and girls tend to be better at socialising anyway.

It was easy to know the route to go down with DS1, because he was so desperately unhappy at school. DS2 isn't. I teach at the secondary school he will go to, so will be able to keep a close eye there, but I know how long it can take to get a diagnosis if he does suddenly start to struggle. I guess it might be easier if you have one already diagnosed though?

Sounds fairly standard for the 8/9 year olds. Mine will happily potter about the house making random exploding noises. No harm in it, is there?

We have had conversations about social cues and point out that not everyone likes Minecraft as much as he does, it’s completely fine to say “that’s enough, you’re boring people, go and find something to do or change the subject”. Sometimes they do need it pointing out when they are being irritating. Mine went from saying not a lot and being far later to talk than his elder sister to not shutting up with people he knows.

Not sure about the sleep - there would be at least one of my DS’s peers that would be similar.

Omg the noises. He makes irritating noises pretty much constantly. He narrates his life, and makes a kind of beat box noise really often. He also talks for quite a long time about subjects such as Roblox and Minecraft, even if the person listening is clearly very bored. He is not great socially, and will sometimes ignore people when they talk to him,

  Perfect match with 99.9% of  9 yr old boys :-)

You are describing my 9 year old DS who is NT. He never shuts up. If he's not talking me to death, he is making annoying noises, narrates everything, jiggling around amd generally driving me to distraction.

I would say he sounds very much like my NT DS was around that age ( although he slept well).

He can sleep really well, he just definitely prefers to share a room. He sleeps perfectly in my bed, or if we go on holiday and he shares with his sister. However, I don't really want him in my bed and his sister is away at uni, and definitely doesn't want to share with a 9 year old when she's home! I think he's a bit scared of the dark.

That sounds like every child I know! Incessant noise and chatter, droning on about the most boring things, emotionally unstable etc. The sleep issue is something to try to explore. Not because it might indicate ASD but rather because there might be something going on in his life that is making him anxious.

Thanks. From what he says, he struggles to get his mind to stop racing at bedtime. He has fairly frequent nightmares, and struggles to settle afterwards. I think possibly more indicative of an overactive imagination than ASD?

It sounds quite similar to my son at 9 who is neurotypical and a lot of his friends.
Him and most of his friends would talk to anyone for hours about Minecraft.
Sleep wise he loves his sleep but would prefer to sleep in the same room as someone else. He hates the dark even now he's 13. He has led light strips around the edges of his ceiling which he has on low and listens to an audiobook on his Alexa on low volume. He sleeps really well with these things in place.

He also has gone through phases of having nightmares. I have to be very careful about what he watches etc. But kids at school talk and at one point he was having nightmares because his friend kept telling him stories about a creepy clown.
Now a few years later he very rarely has nightmares.

Just to point out OP that some of the posters here who compare to their "NT" child and say it's the same might not in fact have a NT child!

I think from your description it could go either way. Think you're right to be on alert for autism given brothers diagnosis. Possible that it could fit with adhd also - constant noises and talking, hyper fixation on a topic, emotional lability - both autism and adhd come under the neurodiversity umbrella. Or it could be nothing, just a personality trait.

Either way it sounds like your son has a lot of strengths that will help him do well in life and you sound like a very loving and sensitive parent.

This sounds like my, as far as I know NT, 12y old DS when he was 9. Him and all his friends constantly used to bang on about Roblux and he used to do the narrating and crashing around doing what we used to call 'battle reenactments' with multiple sound effects. ADHD was often mentioned at primary schools but never went anywhere. I have to say he really settled down at secondary school. Also gets himself ready really well.

I think 9 year old boys are at the peak of spectrum type behaviours so it could go either way. Or could be pretty mild in which case possibly not worth worrying about?

Thank you - that's very kind. I have thought about ADHD as I have many of the traits, but I have been lucky in that, in many ways, the hyper focus has made me successful academically, and I have put systems in place to manage areas where I struggle.

I think it's really important to get a diagnosis if your condition is likely to impact your education and a "normal" life. This was definitely true for DS1, but I am not sure if is for DS2.

I'm really grateful to you all for sharing your experiences. I'm going to see what his next teacher reckons. I know, for DS1, it was around this age that his social differences became more pronounced.

My NT 18yo came into our bed nightly until 9. His younger brother, who wouldn't get a diagnosis but definitely has/had what I suppose you could call autistic traits (intense meltdown-type outbursts when younger, struggled with change, etc - has got a lot less as he's got older) never did beyond about 3.