Finding life boring

[fumpster]

I'm currently sitting in my lovely house just staring around at it. I am a bit (over) obsessed with cleaning, so the house is always virtually spotless and tidy. Everything has a place and everything goes in it's place. We have everything we need (within reason). There is no clutter or piles of laundry as I work bloody hard to make sure of this. I work FT, have a DH (who also works FT) and teen DC... but I'm bored. So very bored.

I don't have any interest in hobbies such as reading/knitting/pets/theatre/TV/cooking/cycling/gardening or anything else really. I go to the gym a lot (alone). I have friends but I'm conscious about socialising/going to pubs etc as I currently hate the way I look - I'm 50, peri-menopausal, have put weight on & slowly losing my looks. I've been distant from friends recently due to this. My closest friend is very much an extrovert with a 'look-at-me' attitude, she bursts into the room with energy and bursts out of it again still saying how fantastic she feels/looks etc which is great for her, but meanwhile I sit there comparing myself and feeling like a sack of sh*t.

Teens do their own thing with their friends. DH is an introvert.

Feel like I am at a point in my life where I am asking myself 'what now' & 'where do I go from here' ? I cannot afford to leave work or change jobs. Surely cleaning/looking after the house/working cannot be the answer for the next 20-30 years ? those are the only things I feel I do lately.

Nothing seems to interest me. The only thing I enjoy lately is going on holiday. But that is not a sustainable hobby and I cannot be on holiday all the time.

Anyone else relate ?

To add - I cannot remember the last time I laughed as in really belly laughed or I felt really good about myself.

I'm always being mum - mum at home to the teens (and DH to some extent), mum who arranges it all/does it all/books it/sorts it/suggests it/plans it/thinks ahead etc. Mum to friends when we go out - I'm the one who isn't too drunk so I make sure we are all safe etc I also don't (can't) drink much anymore as I just cannot take it. Mum to my elderly parents & making sure they are OK and I visit enough.

Can you try and recreate the bits about holidays you enjoy at home?

For instance if you like a long leisurely lunch recreate that at the weekend.
If you like exploring can you do that more locally? You can usually find local history groups etc

If you like interior spaces why not do an interior design course?

I don't know I am looking at 50, same losing looks but don't really stress about it, don't have a salary job but am never bored and not house obsessed either.

Well, of course you're bored. Your life sounds incredibly boring, by any stretch of the imagination, and you began your post about your life with a detailed description of how tidy your house is -- why? Is your obsession with tidying (and your own looks and your attitude to them) key to your joylessness and boredom? Do you have any insight as to why your self-esteem is so poor that you won't socialise because you feel you're losing your looks and your friend's high self-esteem makes you compare yourself negatively?

Most people have jobs and children and caring responsibilities, but also have a life outside of these -- I'm a plain 50 year old with a demanding FT job and a primary-school aged child and caring responsibility for my parents, a DH who is away about two weeks a month for work for much of the year, live in a big Victorian wreck I'm project managing an endless renovation of, volunteer, and have quite a few out of work commitments, BUT I still prioritise things I find pleasurable as much as I can.

I see friends as often as I can for lunch or coffee or a quick after-work drink, I climbed a mountain with a friend and our children on Sunday, I'm going to a gig with another friend at the weekend, I went to London for an exhibition and a concert a couple of weeks ago, in a couple of weeks I'm going to visit an old friend for a weekend in another part of the country. I go to the gym, do yoga and a language class (work lunchbreaks). I get intense pleasure from classical music, especially opera, and I read a lot.

You say you don't find anything pleasurable -- at all? Do you think you're depressed?

What do you enjoy doing?

As you get older it’s really important to keep fit. Can you find an exercise you like? Cluberise, horse riding, weight lifting swimming, hiking, gym, ballet lessons - there are loads of options.

I agree with PP.

I am 63 homebound with health issues CHF PH OA etc.Never bored have a lot of hobbies and still do my own housekeeping in small bits, cook daily, some baking.
Housekeeping for 43 years now and never bored. Older mom, DD lives and studies overseas in USA has made her life there, she travels visits me, I am not allowed travel.
Not allowed any exercise with my nonhealth. Walks with my rollator Ruby my maximum distance is 100 mtr. Post menopause. All my healthworkers say look too good for such a very ill person. Ageing is a normal thing, we all were 19 once. Just accept it. Go live your life, enjoy your good health, travel etc. Comparing never helps.

@SaladRooney I do wonder if I am depressed. I don't seem to enjoy anything these days. I overthink everything, I worry about the cost of everything (we have money - within reason - but we still need to be careful, like every does).

@Houseupdate I have joined the gym and they have classes there too which I will look into going to. I enjoy swimming too. I do it all alone though as it's just easier sometimes because then I can go when and if I like/don't like without having to fit the timings etc around someone else or feel like I have to go when I really don't fancy it that particular day/night. Maybe that is where I am going wrong, by going alone ? I do find myself unintentionally isolating myself.

But it doesn’t have to be exercise or socialising. You can do both separately.

There seems to be a few things going on...maybe some of your apathy in general is related to perimenopause and hormone changes. This could also be responsible for your anxiety and suddenly wondering why you are doing everything for everyone without any reciprocation. The lower oestrogen levels tend to make us less people pleasing, which is not a bad thing, but can leave you feeling a bit resentful if you have always been the dependable one who puts others first.

Your obsession with cleaning sounds like a weird control thing - do you actually enjoy it or do you get anxious when things get dirty or messed up? It must be difficult for teens to live in a house where mess is not allowed. Do you think people are going to judge you harshly if your house isn't spotless? Or do you just judge yourself?

Avoiding your friends is only going to make you feel worse - yes getting older can be shit, but hiding yourself away isn't going to make it any more fun. Your friends should love and accept you for who you are, plus they are getting older too. And maybe your friend is dealing with her insecurities by over compensating, which is probably a bit annoying but we all have our own coping mechanisms.

Going to the gym regularly is a good thing, maybe you could set yourself a new fitness challenge, or change things up and join a different class that's more sociable.

Have you thought of going to see a therapist or something to discuss your feelings? It could be really beneficial.